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Jason Bradshaw grew up in a middle-class home. He was the oldest of three kids and was the only son. His parents loved each other, but when Jason was twelve, tragedy struck their family.
Jason's father was killed in a car accident. The family was devastated and Jason's mother grieved for several years. As Jason got older his mother poured her life into Jason. He was the apple of her eye and she often saw her husband in Jason as he got older. His mother doted on Jason and sometimes Jason reacted to what felt like smothering to him.
Jason's mother often prevented Jason from doing things that normal boys of his age do, for fear of him getting hurt or even losing Jason. Gradually, Jason began to feel controlled and manipulated by his mother. This developed into a love-hate relationship with his mom. On the one hand, he knew he was now the male head of the family and wanted to care for his mom, but he hated the control he felt. Jason began to date girls as he got older and found that he sometimes masturbated to relieve the stress he felt inside.
He also found himself on the internet checking out pornographic pictures. He didn't know why he did this. He just thought it was normal for boys his age.
Jason went on to college and kept a distant relationship between him and his mom. He wanted to respect and care for her, but he wanted to keep his distance. Jason got engaged after college and things were great with his new wife. However, over the next several years he found that there was conflict in his relationship with his wife. Sometimes he felt the same feelings he felt when he was growing up with his mother. That feeling of control gave him a sick stomach. He often reacted to his wife when those feelings swelled up inside, "Stop trying to control me," he would say.
His wife was surprised at these reactions as she was only trying to connect emotionally with Jason. She wanted to be a part of his life. Jason pulled away each time he felt these feelings. And, to deal with the emotional pain sex was often his drug of choice. When Jason and his wife visited his mom, his wife noticed that Jason's personality often changed when the three of them were together. Jason's wife felt like a third wheel. It almost felt like Jason was married to his mother instead of her.
This caused arguments among them and Jason often demonstrated a very unloving spirit to his wife. Jason would always defend his treatment of his mother, often at the expense of his wife. This pattern continued for many years in their marriage.
Finally Jason's wife decided they needed professional help. Jason reacted negatively to the idea and felt the only problem they had was his wife simply trying to control him. However, reluctantly, Jason agreed to go to counseling.
Jason discovered in the counseling that the reason he reacted to his wife's "control and manipulation" as he perceived it, was due to something that happened in his childhood that related to his mother. The feelings he was feeling were the same feelings he felt when he was a teenager growing up.
In essence, Jason was shocked to discover he was subconsciously viewing his wife as his mother. As the truth of his situation unfolded, Jason was able to recognize why he reacted to his wife this way. Today Jason and his wife are happily married. However, many couples who have the same symptoms often result in divorce.
This same scenario happens when a father divorces a wife. The mother is often left emotionally bankrupt and she seeks to meet her emotional needs from her son.
However, a son is not made to emotionally bond with his mother and the pain that is caused within him must be released through some form of sexual expression. That is one reason Jason turned to sex to relieve his emotional pain. Compounded with this is the legitimate need for Jason to have an emotional connection with a female, but because of his negative perception of his wife, he often sought that emotional connection through women at his workplace or in other social settings.
He was often seen as a flirt with women but Jason denied such behavior. This too is rooted in the mother-son bonding relationship. There is a crisis in marriage today. Research reveals the Christian marriage divorce rate is higher than non-believers.
There are many reasons for this, but one of those reasons is rarely spoken about. It has to do with the inappropriate bonding between a mother and her son during his adolescent years. Many men never emotionally bond to their wives because of the impact of being emotionally bonded to their mothers during their adolescent years. The reason many men are not able to bond with their wives is often due to mother-son bonding that takes place during adolescence.
Dr Paul Hegstrom explains in his book, Broken Children, Grown Up Pain, that "a husband without an emotional bond to his wife sees her as someone who sleeps with him, cleans the house, takes care of the children, and works-he doesn't see her as a real, living, emotional person. However, his wife definitely knows it. She tries to connect on an emotional level only to be perceived as trying to control him. This leads to conflicts in the relationship.
If the father and mother are not bonded to one another, the mother will often bond to the oldest son. This can happen as a result of an absent father, either physically or emotionally. If a wife is not getting her emotional needs met through her husband, she may attempt to draw this from her son. If the parenting style is weak in emotional validation, giving words of love, or shaming of the child, these combinations will eventually surface through problems in the marital relationship in adulthood.
When mothers bond with sons during adolescence, the son rebels against this bonding because he is not wired to bond with any female once they get into adolescence without some form of sexual expression. When they should growing independent from their mother during this time, they find themselves in bondage to their mother's emotional control.
This all happens subconsciously. Gordon Dalbey, author of Healing the Masculine Soul , explains that "beyond the basic fact of initial physical dependence upon the mother, the quality of that bonding experience also influences the son's later relationships with women. If the boy's maternal bond was painful perhaps his mother didn't want to conceive and thus rejected him or inappropriate perhaps she was seductive toward him , the boy may later associate physical bonding to a woman with pain and anxiety.
He then may become compulsive about sexeither as the freewheeling playboy who is incapable of commitment, or the demanding husband who fears being emotionally vulnerable to his wife. Given the biological and emotional intensity of the mother-son bond, only someone whose intrinsic identity with the boy exceeds that of the mother can draw him away into individuality and adult responsibility.
Clearly, only the father meets such a requirement. If unresolved, the young male will seek to rebel against this bonding and control they feel subconsciously. They will have a love-hate relationship toward their mothers during late adolescence.
This can lead young males to masturbate or get into pornography or have premarital sex in their adolescent years as a means of dealing with the emotional pain of that bonding from the mother.
The male will eventually pull away from the mother as a result of seeking to become independent from her. This can be traumatic for the mother. These feelings are often felt subconsciously as the son grows into adulthood. Often an unconscious vow is made to themselves: The wife will often feel like their legitimate input is being viewed as criticism by the husband and he is resistant to talking with her at an emotional level.
The husband will often shut down or rebel against his wife's input. Dalbey explains that "when a boy reaches puberty, filled with the powerful physical stirrings of his emerging manhood, the father's role becomes critical.
If at this point Dad doesn't call the boy out and away from the mother to bond with his masculine roots among men, those stirrings are overtaken by his natural bond with the mother, becoming bound up in her and thus unavailable later to the woman he loves.
Masculinity grows not out of conquering the woman, but only out of conquering the man - and not another man, as in war, but oneself. Unable to bond with either a woman in marriage or a man in healthy friendship, he then may fall prey to homosexual impulses.
This is why moral failure can happen even among the most mature Christian men. Despite a commitment to a disciplined Christian life, they have never resolved their inner toil rooted in mother-son bonding and he eventually loses the battle. This is actually God's grace designed to take the male back to the source of his pain to become healed. Paul Olsen, declares in his book, Sons and Mothers, "What a man is frightened of, more than anything else in the vast possibilities of living experience, is dependency, regression to a state in which he becomes an infant in the care of his mother - a mother later unconsciously symbolized by almost all women with whom he comes in contact.
If the son has had any male to male sexual exposure in his childhood, this issue is compounded. Subconsciously he will seek to prove his heterosexuality by bonding to other women outside the marriage. When a dad abandons a son emotionally and physically, he is left to gain that validation elsewhere, often through a female or even another man. If the boy has any male-to-male sexual exposure he will grow into adulthood leaning toward homosexuality or he will have to prove his heterosexuality to himself by getting his validation from women.
The popular comedy TV sitcom series "Everybody Loves Raymond" is a classic portrayal of two sons who have been doted on by their mother and conflict consistently arises between the loyalty of the sons at the expense of their wives. The father is emotionally bankrupt and emotionally abuses the mother. The mother seeks to get her emotional needs met from Raymond, the favored son. Many of the situations are quite humorous, but sadly, are portrayed very accurately as to the depth of the problem.
Ken Nair, author of Discovering the Mind of a Woman, cited a perfect example of this when counseling a couple and the husband was reacting to his wife's treatment of his wife.
In fact, I'm the mother of your children. But that doesn't seem to carry any weight with you!
This is an understandable consequence given the Church's reluctance to discuss unflattering issues like polygamy and denying blacks the priesthood in any sort of detail in Church lessons. It is also disingenuous of apologists to act as if there's no reason for members to believe these things when they were clearly taught them in church. See MormonThink's response to those who believe it's the members' fault for not knowing more about Joseph Smith's polygamy. Polygamists in striped prison uniforms, including George Q.
These men were also known as "Prisoners of Conscience. Why were these people, including First Presidency counselor George Q. Cannon in prison for practicing polygamy? Because polygamy was illegal. Readings In Church History', Pages deal with polygamy. Why were these wanted posters made for the LDS leaders of the Church? Polygamy was always illegal whenever and wherever the Mormons practiced it.
It was even illegal in Canada and Mexico as they only recognize marriages that are legal in the person's home country. John Taylor, the third president of the church, claimed that he believed in keeping all the laws of the United States "except one"…the law in relation to polygamy. Most of Joseph Smith's polygamous marriages occurred in Illinois in the early s. The Illinois Anti-bigamy Law, enacted February 12th, , clearly stated that polygamy was illegal.
Bigamy consists in the having of two wives or two husbands at one and the same time, knowing that the former husband or wife is still alive. If any person or persons within this State, being married, or who shall hereafter marry, do at any time marry any person or persons, the former husband or wife being alive, the person so offending shall, on conviction thereof, be punished by a fine, not exceeding one thousand dollars, and imprisoned in the penitentiary, not exceeding two years. It shall not be necessary to prove either of the said marriages by the register or certificate thereof, or other record evidence; but the same may be proved by such evidence as is admissible to prove a marriage in other cases, and when such second marriage shall have taken place without this state, cohabitation in this state after such second marriage shall be deemed the commission of the crime of bigamy, and the trial in such case may take place in the county where such cohabitation shall have occurred.
Revised Laws of Illinois , , pp. The entire following section is from Rethinking Mormonism. Marriage is a legal contract between one man and one woman.
There has never been a law enacted to allow otherwise. All the married Mormons who immigrated to Utah in had been married under the civil laws of their respective states; each one of those states had laws against bigamy, thus making monogamy the "common law. The very reason Brigham Young chose to move to Utah, rather than Oregon, California, or Texas, as others suggested, was because Utah was an uninhabited "no man's land".
However, the area was legally Mexican territory and polygamy was illegal in Mexico. In the United States, marriage is a legal contract regulated by the various states. When the Mormons went to Utah in , all married Mormons at that time had been married under laws of the states they had come from. To use an analogy, you get your drivers' license from your state, but it is recognized as being legal in all the states.
Marriage licenses are similar. Once in Utah, Young attempted to establish the "Territory of Deseret," and operate the area as a theocracy, under the "Law of the Lord," which included plural marriage and blood atonement. However, Congress rejected Young's attempt, and in , the area was officially established as Utah Territory, with territorial overseers appointed from Washington D.
President Millard Fillmore appointed Young as governor. Thus, polygamy became specifically illegal under U. The federal Morrill Act was not the first law which made bigamy illegal; it was merely the first law which specifically reinforced existing state anti-bigamy laws. It was enacted specifically to close the "loophole" that the Mormons mistakenly believed they were operating under.
Even after the passage of the Morrill Act, the Mormon Church continued to practice polygamy in violation of the law for another half-century, and repeatedly challenged those laws. So anyone who argues that "The Mormons stopped practicing polygamy when it was made illegal" is either misinformed or misrepresenting the truth.
The final nail in the coffin which demonstrates polygamy's illegality was when Ann Eliza Webb filed for "divorce" from Brigham Young and sued him for alimony in Young successfully argued that their relationship was "an ecclesiastical affair, not a legal one," and the judge rightly ruled that since there was never any legal marriage, Webb could not file for divorce nor seek alimony. Since Young himself admitted that his own "plural marriages" were not legal marriages, that means that no other Mormon "plural marriage" at any time was a legal marriage either.
No legal marriage licenses were ever applied for nor granted, and every single child born of Mormon "plural marriages" was illegitimate - i. All of the federal laws enacted against Mormon polygamy from to merely served to force the Mormons to comply with existing common laws. But the fact that those additional laws were enacted does not mean that Mormon polygamous marriages were ever legal in the first place.
In , the United States Supreme Court upheld the conviction of a Mormon under the federal statute prohibiting bigamy against a challenge that, among other things, the statute infringed on the first amendment right to freedom of religion. In so doing, the Court noted that polygamy had "always been odious among the northern and western nations of Europe and, until the establishment of the Mormon Church, was almost exclusively a feature of the life of Asiatic and of African people. The entire following section is from Salt Lake City Messenger 66 with minor edits.
The Mormons did everything they could to escape the federal deputies. Kimball Young gives this information:. In addition to false names, disguises, and ruses, a whole system of information gathering, signaling, and spotting informers was developed.
For example, the church authorities would pass the word down to the smaller communities of movements of federal deputies out of Salt Lake City in the direction of any particular town. Wilford Woodruff, who became the 4th president of the church, had an armed guard to protect him. In a letter written in , Woodruff wrote:. By the church leaders were using bribery to prevent the government from arresting them. Under the dates of October 17 and 18, , Apostle Abraham H.
Cannon recorded the following in his journal:. Uncle David [Cannon] came in about noon and told me that he had just had a conversation with Lindsey Sprague, a deputy marshal, who told him that there were papers out for my arrest, but it was not the intention to serve them until my family were located and where they could be captured.
Wilcken to investigate the matter for me and he learned that it was indeed a fact that a warrant was issued and in Doyle's hands for my arrest. I therefore kept in my room all the afternoon. Is…pent some time at my room until Bro. Wilcken came and informed me that he had bought Doyle off and had got his promise that I should not be molested, nor should any other person without sufficient notice being given for them to escape, and to get witnesses out of the way. Wilcken the names of some 51 persons whose arrest he intended to try and effect on a trip he and another deputy intend to undertake today, through Utah and Emery counties.
A messenger was therefore despatched to give these people warning. Thus with a little money a channel of communication is kept open between the government offices and the suffering and persecuted Church members.
Candid Insights of a Mormon Apostle: The Diaries of Abraham H. Cannon , Signature Books. Only people performing illegal acts need to go to such lengths to avoid the law.
Inasmuch as this church of Christ has been reproached with the crime of fornication, and polygamy: This statement was affirmed as canonized doctrine in August in a vote by the Church's General Assembly.
The saints of the last days have witnessed the outgoings and incomings of so many apostates that nothing but truth has any effect upon them. In the present instance, after the sham quotations of Sidney and his clique, from the Bible, Book of Mormon, and Doctrine and Covenants, to skulk off, under the "dreadful splendor" of "spiritual wifery," which is brought into the account as graciously as if the law of the land allowed a man a plurality of wives, is fiendish, and like the rest of Sidney's revelation, just because he wanted "to go to Pittsburg and live.
The law of the land and the rules of the church do not allow one man to have more than one wife alive at once , but if any man's wife die, he has a right to marry another, and to be sealed to both for eternity; to the living and the dead! This is all the spiritual wife system that was ever tolerated in the church, and they know it. Times and Seasons , Vol. The essay focuses on the polygamous marriages of Joseph Smith. The author of the LDS essay seeks to soften the tone by saying that monogamy was the only legal form of marriage instead of simply saying the more to-the-point "polygamy was illegal in the United States.
We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law.
Wentworth and published in the Times and Seasons in March As was pointed out in the last section, polygamy was against the law of the land and the Church leaders of the time knew it. How is it that the Church can claim that one of their founding principles is to obey the laws of the land when they were systematically breaking the law?
Hinckley said, in regard to fundamentalist break-offs practicing polygamy today emphasis added:. I wish to state categorically that this Church has nothing whatever to do with those practicing polygamy. They are not members of this Church. Most of them have never been members.
They are in violation of the civil law. They know they are in violation of the law. They are subject to its penalties. The Church, of course, has no jurisdiction whatever in this matter. If any of our members are found to be practicing plural marriage, they are excommunicated, the most serious penalty the Church can impose.
Not only are those so involved in direct violation of the civil law , they are in violation of the law of this Church. An article of our faith is binding upon us. It states, 'We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law' [Articles of Faith 1: One cannot obey the law and disobey the law at the same time.
Hinckley, October General Conference. If President Hinckley can condemn people practicing polygamy today because it is against civil laws then how can they justify the early LDS leaders who practiced polygamy in the s when it was also against civil law? One common justification that many Mormons have given for polygamy was that there were more women than men, and the women needed husbands in the harsh West to survive.
This is simply not true. Population statistics for Utah from to show that there were always more men than women Caucasian only:. Faithful Mormon apologist John A. Widtsoe, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, debunked the more-women-than-men myth, but many members continue to use it. Plural marriage has been a subject of wide and frequent comment. Members of the Church unfamiliar with its history, and many non-members, have set up fallacious reasons for the origin of this system of marriage among the Latter-day Saints.
The most common of these conjectures is that the Church, through plural marriage, sought to provide husbands for its large surplus of female members.
The implied assumption in this theory, that there have been more female than male members in the Church, is not supported by existing evidence. On the contrary, there seem always to have been more males than females in the Church. Families—father, mother, and children—have most commonly joined the Church. Of course, many single women have become converts, but also many single men. The United States census records from to , and all available Church records, uniformly show a preponderance of males in Utah, and in the Church.
Indeed, the excess in Utah has usually been larger than for the whole United States, as would be expected in a pioneer state. The births within the Church obey the usual population law—a slight excess of males. Orson Pratt, writing in from direct knowledge of Utah conditions, when the excess of females was supposedly the highest, declares against the opinion that females outnumbered the males in Utah.
The theory that plural marriage was a consequence of a surplus of female Church members fails from lack of evidence…. Another conjecture is that the people were few in number and that the Church, desiring greater numbers, permitted the practice so that a phenomenal increase in population could be attained.
This is not defensible, since there was no surplus of women…. Evidences and Reconciliations , John A. Widtsoe Bookcraft, pp. An example from the U. Census records , which Elder Widtsoe referred to, indicates that in there were 5, males and 4, females in Hancock County, Illinois Nauvoo being the primary population center.
Counting just those persons between the ages of 15 and 40, there were 2, men and 1, women. A related justification for polygamy is that polygamy was an effective way to rapidly increase the membership of the Church. However, a group of women can have far more children if they each have their own husband instead of sharing one man.
For example, Brigham Young reportedly had only 57 children by some 29 child-bearing wives out of the 55 total women he married. If each of those women had their own husbands they may have had or more children in total. The essay focuses on polygamy between and after Joseph Smith.
Footnote 6 in that essay states in part:. Studies have shown that monogamous women bore more children per wife than did polygamous wives except the first. This admission is interesting as it seems to counter what the Church said in their other essay on:. Years later in Utah, participants in Nauvoo plural marriage discussed their motives for entering into the practice. God declared in the Book of Mormon that monogamy was the standard; at times, however, He commanded plural marriage so His people could "raise up seed unto [Him].
The problem with the above quote is that it has footnote 45 which says to see footnote 6 of the essay "Plural Marriage and Families in Early Utah" which we have referenced above. So what is it: The first edition of the Doctrine and Covenants called the Book of Commandments, included a section denying any practice of polygamy:.
The Doctrine and Covenants replaced the Book of Commandments in , and this statement on polygamy was in every single edition until , when the Doctrine and Covenants first included section justifying plural marriage. It would have been contradictory to have one section condemning polygamy and another approving of it in the same book so the section condemning polygamy was removed from the Doctrine and Covenants.
Wherefore, my brethren, hear me, and hearken to the word of the Lord: For there shall not any man among you have save it be one wife ; and concubines he shall have none; for I, the Lord God, delight in the chastity of women.
And whoredoms are an abomination before me; thus saith the Lord of Hosts. Wherefore, this people shall keep my commandments, saith the Lord of Hosts, or cursed be the land for their sakes.
For if I will, saith the Lord of Hosts, raise up seed unto me, I will command my people; otherwise they shall hearken unto these things. That fact that Latter-day Saints practiced polygamy in the early days of the Church is well known.
What a lot of people don't know, though, is that polygamy was first practiced by Joseph Smith and not Brigham Young. Joseph was secretive about his practice of polygamy, even lying about it.
By the time the Saints went to Utah, the Church was more open about, with Brigham Young officially announcing it in Church-published media almost never mention Joseph's polygamy. There are some references to the other prophet's plural marriages but not for Joseph. By rarely mentioning Joseph's polygamous marriages, many church members, especially converts, often don't realize how involved Joseph was. See " MormonThink provides a response to those who say members should have known more about Joseph Smith's polygamy.
It seems that it would lend greater credibility to the practice of polygamy if it was plainly taught that Joseph introduced and practiced polygamy since Joseph is the most revered of the Latter-day prophets. Finding this out was the catalyst for the split in the RLDS church between those that held on to the original concept of a divinely established church and those that now believe that Joseph was merely inspired and that the Book of Mormon is not historical.
Denial of Joseph's involvement in polygamy was reinforced by Emma Smith Joseph's first wife. Emma purposely lied to her children and told them that their father did not practice polygamy. She wanted to spare her children the pain of knowing the truth. No such thing as polygamy, or spiritual wifery, was taught, publicly or privately, before my husband's death, that I have now, or ever had any knowledge of…He had no other wife but me; nor did he to my knowledge ever have.
The same God that has thus far dictated me and directed me and strengthened me in this work, gave me this revelation and commandment on celestial and plural marriage, and the same God commanded me to obey it. He said to me that unless I accepted it, and introduced it, and practiced it, I, together with my people would be damned and cut off from this time henceforth. We have got to observe it. It is an eternal principle and was given by way of commandment and not by way of instruction.
Fanny Alger was a teen-aged servant in the Smith's home. Joseph and Emma had "adopted" Fanny when she was about 16 years old She is believed to be either Joseph Smith's first polygamous "wife" or simply a sexual encounter.
The Church's essay, "Plural Marriage in Kirtland and Nauvoo," says it was a marriage, whereas Lawrence Foster said, "…contemporary evidence strongly suggests that Smith sustained sexual relations with Fanny Alger, it does not indicate that this was viewed either by Smith himself or by his associates at the time as a 'marriage.
Critics believe he had an affair with her, was found out, and then introduced the concept of plural marriage in order to justify and continue his affair with her and then other women.
Some historians record the date of the "marriage" as early as , while others believe it was , putting Fanny's age anywhere from Fanny departed the Smith home sometime in , the same year Oliver Cowdery was excommunicated for revealing Joseph Smith's "dirty, nasty, filthy affair of his and Fanny Alger's.
Warren Parrish, the secretary of Joseph for a period of time, told Benjamin Johnson that he and Oliver Cowdery knew the report of an affair between Joseph and the girl to be true, for they "were spied upon and found together. Regardless of whether Joseph Smith's relations with Fanny Alger was merely a sexual encounter or a "marriage," it was adulterous. However, Joseph could only be legally married to one person , and even if it is claimed that the "marriage" was a symbolic "celestial only" sealing, the sealing power was not restored until April , after Joseph's "marriage" to Fanny.
Whether Joseph's "marriage" to Fanny Alger occurred in or , it was illegal both under the laws of the land and under any theory of divine authority. Plural marriages are rooted in the notion of "sealing" for time and eternity. It is claimed that the "sealing power" was restored 3 April when Elijah appeared to Joseph and committed the sealing keys into his hands. Until that time no one on earth had authority to "seal" Joseph and Fanny. As a result, his marriage to her was a nullity from the beginning both in time and eternity, and any sexual relationship he had with her was adulterous.
Following his marriage to Louisa Beaman and before he married other single women, Joseph Smith was sealed to a number of women who were already married.
In other words, Joseph "married" or was "sealed" to women who were already legally wedded to other men at the time. Following is a list of Joseph's wives that we know of some researchers estimate that the number may have been higher. Why it may have been that some men were willing to allow Joseph Smith to "marry" their wife is because they had the same attitude as Jedediah M. Grant, Second Counselor to Brigham Young.
In this sermon, delivered 19 February , Grant said emphasis added:. When the family organization was revealed from heaven—the patriarchal order of God, and Joseph began, on the right and on the left, to add to his family, what a quaking there was in Israel. Says one brother to another, "Joseph says all covenants are done away, and none are binding but the new covenants: And righteous men in every dispensation since the creation, if they had any keys, had the keys of the kingdom of God; and they extended over this wide world wherever God had a people and a government; and just as far as the Priesthood exercised its authority, just so far the rule of the Almighty reached.
If Joseph had a right to dictate me in relation to salvation, in relation to a hereafter, he had a right to dictate me in relation to all my earthly affairs, in relation to the treasures of the earth, and in relation to the earth itself. He had a right to dictate in relation to the cities of the earth, to the natives of the earth, and in relation to everything on land and on sea.
That is what he had a right to do, if he had any right at all. If he did not have that right, he did not have the Priesthood of God, he did not have the endless Priesthood that emanates from an eternal being.
A Priesthood that is clipped, and lacks length, is not the Priesthood of God; if it lacks depth, it is not the Priesthood of God; for the Priesthood in ancient times extended over the wide world, and coped with the universe, and had a right to govern and control the inhabitants thereof, to regulate them, give them laws, and execute those laws. That power looked like the Priesthood of God.
This same Priesthood has been given to Joseph Smith, and has been handed down to his successors. I do not care how many devils rap, it is no trouble to me. I say, rap away, and give as many revelations as you please, whether you are good spirits or bad ones, it does not trouble my cranium. Rap away, for I trust in the anchor of my soul that is sure and steadfast, in the Priesthood of God upon the earth. What would a man of God say, who felt aright, when Joseph asked him for his money?
He would say, "Yes, and I wish I had more to help to build up the kingdom of God. He did not, but in that thing was the grand thread of the Priesthood developed. The grand object in view was to try the people of God, to see what was in them.
If such a man of God should come to me and say, "I want your gold and silver, or your wives," I should say, "Here they are, I wish I had more to give you, take all I have got. One such man who may have at one time thought like Grant was Henry Bailey Jacobs.
He was a faithful member of the Mormon Church and active in Nauvoo society. From Henry was constantly called on missions, serving eight of them during this period 4 Zinas: Signature Books, , p. Signature Books, , pp. A month later Zina there is no record that Henry was there returned to the temple for her second anointing and, while still married to Henry, she was sealed to Brigham Young for not just eternity, but also for time.
Grandin Book Company, , p. Although quite ill, in mid Henry accepted the prophet's Brigham Young call and went to England as a missionary, leaving his legally married wife, Zina, and newborn child behind. On Henry's way home from his mission, he received a letter from Zina saying she'd moved in with her husband Brigham. Later she bore a child with Brigham.
Zina my mind never will change from Worlds without Ends, no never, the same affection is there and never can be moved I do not murmur nor complain of the handlings of God no verily, no but I feel alone and no one to speak to, to call my own. I feel like a lamb without a mother, I do not blame any person or persons, no--May the Lord our Father bless Brother Brigham and all purtains unto him forever.
Tell him for me I have no feelings against him nor never had, all is right according to the Law of the Celestial Kingdom of our god Joseph [Smith]. Such a story seems to disprove any claims that polyandrous marriages were simply an opportunity for salvation for women who needed it. From all accounts, Henry was a faithful Mormon, worthy of serving many missions.
Why wasn't Zina sealed to him in instead of Brigham Young? Whether Henry Jacob "consented" to Zina's sealings to other men or not,from reading his journals, he obviously didn't like the idea. Nothing supports that Henry was offered an easy yes or no choice that he could turn down without consequences.
Members then and now follow the leaders of the Church believing that those leaders speak for God. If Zina and Henry really believed Joseph and Brigham were prophets, they might follow whatever they were asked remember all the good men, including bishops and stake presidents, who killed men, women and children at the Mountains Meadow Massacre all because they thought this is what Brigham Young wanted? At any rate, this is not something that any man should be asked to sacrifice.
Although Henry eventually remarried three times, after Brigham Young told him that his wife and children belonged to Brigham and not to Henry, he continued to yearn for Zina and their children. There doesn't seem to be any logical or religious reason why Joseph and then Brigham would take Henry Jacob's wife, Zina and their children, from him.
Would a just God direct Joseph and Brigham to treat this faithful man in such a manner? Not all people thought Joseph's supposed priesthood authority allowed him to behave the way he did. Joseph not only paid his addresses to the young and unmarried women, but he sought 'spiritual alliance' with many married ladies… He taught them that all former marriages were null and void, and that they were at perfect liberty to make another choice of a husband.
The marriage covenants were not binding, because they were ratified only by Gentile laws…. One woman said to me not very long since, while giving me some of her experiences in polygamy: This woman, and others, whose experience has been very similar, are among the very best women in the church; they are as pure-minded and virtuous women as any in the world.
They were seduced under the guise of religion,…. Some of these women have since said they did not know who was the father of their children ; this is not to be wondered at, for after Joseph's declaration annulling all Gentile marriages, the greatest promiscuity was practiced ; and, indeed, all sense of morality seemed to have been lost by a portion at least of the church.
Polyandry also runs counter to the entire notion of eternal families. As we understand it, children are sealed to their father and the wife is sealed to the father, and in that means the entire family is sealed together. If in these cases the women were sealed to Joseph, then who were the children sealed to? If they were sealed to the woman's first husband, then the woman would not be sealed to them.
If they were sealed to Joseph, then the poor first husband would not only be deprived of his wife, but also of his children in the eternity. So much for the plan of happiness. It appears that Joseph Smith literally stole other men's wives and their children, regardless of whether he had sex with them or not. What right did he have to do that? Was he simply taking advantage of his authority as prophet? The following is taken from Would you share your spouse with the Prophet?
He had already sacrificed homes, possessions, friends, relatives, all worldly rewards, peace, and tranquility for the Restoration. Nothing was left to place on the altar save his life, his children, and his wife. Joseph demanded for himself what to Heber was the unthinkable, his Vilate. Totally crushed spiritually and emotionally, Heber touched neither food nor water for three days and three nights and continually sought confirmation and comfort from God. The Prophet wept at this act of faith, devotion, and obedience.
Joseph had never intended to take Vilate. It was all a test. Shortly afterward, the two men took some of Bennett's sewing to Sarah's house. During the visit, as Bennett describes it, Joseph said, "Sister Pratt, the Lord has given you to me as one of my spiritual wives.
I have the blessings of Jacob granted me, as God granted holy men of old, and as I have long looked upon you with favor, and an earnest desire of connubial bliss, I hope you will not repulse or deny me. I have one good husband, and that is enough for me. Finally Sarah angrily told him on a subsequent visit, "Joseph, if you ever attempt any thing of the kind with me again, I will make a full disclosure to Mr. Pratt on his return home. Depend upon it, I will certainly do it. Will you promise me that you will not do it?
Pratt" by Richard A. Van Wagoner, Dialogue , Vol. He further explained that Joseph came to the Law home in the middle of the night when William was absent and told Jane that "the Lord had commanded that he should take spiritual wives, to add to his glory.
She did so and further explained that Joseph had "asked her to give him half her love; she was at liberty to keep the other half for her husband" Jane refused the Prophet, and according to William Law's 20 January letter to the Salt Lake Tribune, Smith then considered the couple apostates.
That Smith admired and lusted after many men's wives and daughters, is a fact, but they could not help that. They or most of them considered his admiration an insult, and treated him with scorn. In return for this scorn, he generally managed to blacken their reputations--see the case of … Mrs. Pratt, a good, virtuous woman. Sarah later recalled that "Joseph Smith taught me the principle of marriage for eternity, and the doctrine of plural marriage.
He said that in teaching this he realized that he jeopardized his life; but God had revealed it to him many years before as a privilege with blessings, now God had revealed it again and instructed him to teach with commandment, as the Church could travel [progress] no further without the introduction of this principle.
Sarah Kimball, like Sarah Pratt, was committed to her husband, and refused the Prophet's invitation, asking that he "teach it to someone else. On 19 May , at a Nauvoo City Council meeting, Smith jotted down and then "threw across the room" a revelation to Kimball which declared that "Hiram Kimball has been insinuating evil, and formulating evil opinions" against the Prophet, which if he does not desist from, he "shall be accursed.
She remained married to Adam Lightner throughout. She married Brigham on May 22 when she was 26 years old. It was repeated in the Nauvoo Temple on Jan 17,, Brigham She also recorded it herself.
However Brigham asked Mary if she wanted to go West with his group and she said yes but he left her behind. Prescendia Celestia, Joseph and Eliza. The following is from a love letter Joseph Smith wrote when he wanted to arrange a liaison with Newel K. Whitney's daughter Sarah Ann, whom Smith had secretly married without Emma's knowledge three weeks prior to this time.
Very clearly the women involved must be virgins. Because the idea of the LDS Church's founding prophet, Joseph Smith, married other men's wives is hard enough for current members to imagine, having sexual relations with another man's wife is even more repugnant, often causing cognitive dissonance.
To try and rationalize Joseph's behavior they invent a narrative in which Joseph's "marriages" were simply platonic "sealings" and he was not committing adultery. For many years critics spent a lot of time and ink proving that Joseph Smith had sexual relations with other women besides Emma because the Church and its apologists either denied it or ignored it.
It is no longer necessary to provide all of that proof since the Church and its most prominent polygamy defenders now acknowledge such sexual relations. During the era in which plural marriage was practiced, Latter-day Saints distinguished between sealings for time and eternity and sealings for eternity only.
Sealings for time and eternity included commitments and relationships during this life, generally including the possibility of sexual relations.
Eternity-only sealings indicated relationships in the next life alone. Evidence indicates that Joseph Smith participated in both types of sealings. This quote is the closest the Church has come to saying that Joseph Smith had sexual relations with women other than Emma.
It is couched in language in such a way that attempts to soften the blow by using the words "eternity only," and "possibility. Regardless, it doesn't matter whether Joseph had one adulterous relationship or 33—adultery is adultery. It appears that much of Hales' work was used in the creation of the Church's essay, "Plural Marriage in Kirtland and Nauvoo.
This link has more concerning the sexual relations Joseph had and we encourage you to read it. These quotes are the acknowledgment that Joseph Smith had sexual relations with at least one woman other than his one legally wedded wife, Emma Hale Smith, and therefore Joseph was indeed an adulterer. This opens a new can or worms in which the attempt by the apologists have switched from determining whether or not Joseph had sexual relations to defining what adultery is and defining what a legal marriage is.
This becomes an exhausting exercise. The critic typically contends that a definition for adultery is pretty simple: It becomes convoluted because the apologist wants to reframe the debate by looking at a new interpretation for what constitutes adultery and how one interprets "marriage" and the marriage contract: This is an excellent topic to apply Occam's Razor to.
To convince someone that there are nuanced and different definitions for marriage and adultery, a lot of effort must be spent in weaving that tapestry, including denying or creatively interpreting Joseph's own writings and denials. This means that Joseph was involved in adulterous relationships because he was not legally married to any of the women, besides Emma, with whom he had sex.
Not only was Joseph guilty of adultery, but the women to whom he was "married" who were legally married to other men were also committing adultery:. According to Doctrine and Covenants , one of the purposes of polygamy was to produce children:. See the section above about what the Church's Book of Commandments had to say about polygamy and fornication. The essay tries to lessen the impact that Helen was so young by employing the interesting phrase, "several months before her 15th birthday.
There is little documentary evidence of the "marriage," but it is supported by Eliza R. Snow and Orson F. Whitney Helen Mar Kimball Whitney's son. As to her age, she was either 14 or Having one year-old to reconcile is hard, having a second one would increase the pressure to justify Joseph's behavior. Hales continues with a tidbit that tries to lessen the impact:. If, as Utah evidence supports, conjugal relations were not included until plural wives were more mature, it is possible that the Prophet allowed the sealing, anticipating that when Nancy Maria was older, Emma would have become more accepting of full polygamy.
Since there is no other evidence concerning Nancy's union, the rest of this section deals with Helen, who did leave plenty of evidence. There seems to be four main areas of controversy or dispute among critics and apologists when it comes to Helen's "marriage" to Joseph Smith:. It is shocking to hear that Helen Mar Kimball was only 14 when Joseph "married" her because in our day we tend to think of it as too young. But was it "too young" in Helen's day? The state of Illinois statute concerning this age says:.
All male persons over the age of 17 years, and females over the age of 14 years, may contract and be joined in marriage: Provided, in all cases where either party is a minor, the consent of parents or guardians be first had, as is hereinafter required. Revised Statutes of , sec. Gross, editor, The Statutes of Illinois: Gross, , p. Even though marriageable age with the consent of a parent was 14, such marriages were by no means common.
In the 's the singulate mean age at marriage for females was Two other tables that may be of interest: Although we flinch today, according to the laws of the time, Helen, legally , was not "too young" and Joseph was within his legal rights to marry Helen with her parents' consent at that age.
However , Joseph was not within his legal rights to marry anyone, no matter their age, because he was already legally married to Emma. This begs the question, Why marry Helen? There seems to be no logical reason for Joseph Smith to pursue relationships with any person besides his one legal wife, let alone girls as young as The "age of consent" means the age at which a person can legally consent to having sexual relations.
Historically, that age was quite low in the United States, typically years of age. In Illinois, even by , the age of consent was only 10 years old. By the 's nearly all of the states had moved the age up, to where most of them stand today, in the year-old range. The idea that Joseph Smith would have sex with a year-old shocks the reader: However, if Joseph Smith was legally married to Helen he was not , then even though we may shudder to think about it, it would have been legal for them to have sexual relations.
Just because something is legal , does it make it morally right? But since Joseph was not legally married to Helen, and since he was already legally married to one woman, and since he was in sexual relations with other women, one must wonder about the motives of that man.
Why marry someone so young? Why cheat her out of a normal youth and marriage? That being said, there is no direct evidence implicating Joseph Smith in having sexual relations with Helen Kimball. There are only circumstantial hints that maybe it happened. Some of the more credible evidence include:. Two LDS scriptures, Jacob 2: If that wasn't Joseph's aim, why did he marry Helen? In May , Joseph "married" four teenage girls: Three of these "marriages" involved sexual relations:. Maria Lawrence - a year after Joseph "married" Maria, William Law, filed suit accusing Joseph of being "in an open state of adultery" with Maria Lawrence.
The first indictment was dismissed, but William Law filed a second time. The jurors in the second indictment found there was "good and sufficient evidence" that Joseph Smith. It was specifically because of the indictment brought against him that with a couple of days he gave his speech in which he claimed "I had not been married scarcely five minutes…before it was reported that I had seven wives.
I am the same man, and as innocent as I was fourteen years ago; and I can prove them all perjurers. Sarah Lawrence - In , Lucy Walker said: Wife of Joseph Smith, Jr. Neal, "Sword of Laban," no. Its wording is identical to the December 17, , Joseph F. Smith, Affidavit, October 24, Since it is known that Joseph Smith had sexual relations with three of the four girls he "married" in May , what would preclude him from having sexual relations with the third, Helen?
I heard [Helen] say to her mother, I will never be sealed to my Father, meaning as a wife and I would never have been sealed married to Joseph, had I known it was any thing more than ceremony. I was young, and they deceived me, by saying the salvation of our whole family depended on it. Whether "had I known it was any thing more than ceremony" means sexual relations or not is left to the reader. I remember how I felt, but which would be a difficult matter to describe-the various thoughts, fears and temptations that flashed through my mind when the principle was first introduced to me by my father [Heber C.
Kimball], who one morning in the summer of , without any preliminaries, asked me if I would believe him if he told me that it was right for married men to take other wives, can be better imagined than told. But suffice it to say the first impulse was anger, for I thought he had only said it to test my virtue.
My sensibilities were painfully touched. I felt such a sense of personal injury and displeasure for to mention such a thing to me I thought altogether unworthy of my father, and as quick as he spoke, I replied to him, short and emphatically, "No, I wouldn't!
I thought of the love and tenderness that he felt for his only daughter, and I knew that he would not cast me off, and this was the only convincing proof That I had of its being right. This first interview had a similar effect to a sudden shock of a small earthquake. When he found after the first outburst of displeasure for supposed injury and I received it meekly, he took the first opportunity to introduce Sarah Ann to me as Joseph's Wife. This astonished me beyond measure. Helen Mar Kimball Whitney, , Autobiography c.
My father had but one Ewe Lamb, but willingly laid her upon the altar: None but God and his angels could see my mother's bleeding heart—when Joseph asked her if she was willing, she replied "If Helen is willing I have nothing more to say.
She had witnessed the sufferings of others, who were older and who better understood the step they were taking, and to see her child, who had yet seen her fifteenth summer, following the same thorny path, in her mind she saw the misery which was as sure to come as the sun was to rise and set; but it was hidden from me. I did not try to conceal the fact of its having been a trial, but confessed that it had been one of the severest of my life; but that it had also proven one of the greatest of blessings.
I could truly say it had done the most towards making me a Saint and a free woman, in every sense of the word; and I knew many others who could say the same, and to whom it had proven one of the greatest boons—a "blessing in disguise.
Living in a climate of polygamy, it's easy to see that over time Helen would come to champion the cause and put away any concerns she may have had when she was first "married" to Joseph Smith. No one but Helen herself can say for sure if at the time she enjoyed being a polygamous wife of Joseph. Following are some accounts surrounding the event.
Before Joseph and Heber discussed 14 year-old Helen as a potential bride, Joseph asked Heber to turn over his wife, Vilate, to be Joseph's wife.
During the summer of , shortly after Heber's return from England, he was introduced to the doctrine of plural marriage directly through a startling test-a sacrifice which shook his very being and challenged his faith to the ultimate. Biography of Heber C. It is theorized by some that Joseph's "test" requesting Vilate as a wife was to prepare Heber for Joseph's later asking for Helen. The following is used to imply that Joseph marrying Helen was Heber's idea:. Who, though, decided that being "connected with the Prophet, Joseph" was something desirable, Heber or Joseph himself?
Even if Heber liked that idea and he's the one who asked Helen to marry Joseph, it does not mean that the genesis for the idea was Heber. Nor does the word "offered" mean that Heber came up with the original idea. Helen's later reminiscence that "My father had but one Ewe Lamb, but willingly laid her upon the altar" may even hint at such a situation as Abraham's.
She also said, "The Latter-day Saints would not enter into this holy order of matrimony unless they had received some stronger and more convincing proofs of its correctness than the testimony of a man, for in obeying this law it has cost them a sacrifice nearly equal to that of Abraham.
Helen said that it was Joseph himself who claimed that Heber was the one who "offered" Helen to him. But why should we take Joseph's word for it?
He is known to have lied to others, including his wife, Emma, about many aspects of polygamy such as hiding the entire idea of polygamy from his wife, Emma, and the fact that he had already married other women without Emma knowing.
Why not lie to another one of his wives if it served his purposes? See our section below about Joseph lying about polygamy. Heber must have learned about polygamy from Joseph first before he taught the principle to Helen. As far as the time line goes, if Heber is the one who had the idea, within a 24 hour period he would have had teach Helen about it, show up unannounced and explain the proposition to Joseph, then have Joseph show up the following day at the Kimball's to convince Helen that if she followed this plan that her father concocted, her father's family would be blessed.
Such a scenario on such short notice is unconvincing. Joseph taught Heber about polygamy at some point before Heber mentioned it to Helen. It could very well be that Joseph at that time mentioned his desire to have Helen as his wife.
It stands to reason that as prophet, Joseph chose who he would enter into a polygamous relationship. There are no other examples of a person approaching the prophet and instigating a polygamous relationship.
Finally, it was not unheard of for Joseph to have someone else to ask for, or convince, his intended bride on his behalf, such as in the case of Zina Diantha Huntington as revealed in an interview with her:. How, then, could you have been sealed to Joseph Smith without first having heard the doctrine of plural marriage?
My brother Dimick told me what Joseph had told him. I knew it was from the Lord, and I received it. Joseph did not come until afterward. You mean by that, then, that after your brother Dimick had returned to Joseph and given him the information that you had accepted such teaching, that Joseph then came to you, prior to having been sealed, and taught you the doctrine of plural marriage?
I told you that the Lord had revealed to Joseph Smith that he was to marry me. I received it from Joseph through my brother Dimick. John Wight, "Evidence from Zina D. There is no reason not to believe that it was Joseph's idea all along to marry Helen, yet there is no way of knowing for sure who is the instigator. The most important aspect from the discussion above concerning whose idea it was to marry off Helen pinpoints what we believe is the most problematic issue regarding Helen's "marriage" to Joseph: I had not been married scarcely five minutes, and made one proclamation of the Gospel, before it was reported that I had seven wives.
I mean to live and proclaim the truth as long as I can. This new holy prophet [William Law] has gone to Carthage and swore that I had told him that I was guilty of adultery. Why, a man does not speak or wink, for fear of being accused of this…I wish the grand jury would tell me who they are—whether it will be a curse or blessing to me. I am quite tired of the fools asking me…What a thing it is for a man to be accused of committing adultery, and having seven wives, when I can only find one.
No, not at the same time. But they believe that if their companion dies, they have a right to marry again. But we do disapprove of the custom which has gained in the world, and has been practiced among us, to our great mortification, of marrying in five or six weeks, or even in two or three months after the death of their companion. But that doesn't seem to carry any weight with you! The husband was never emotionally bonded to his, but was still bonded to his mother.
When this happens the husband will pull away from his wife because he subconsciously views her as his mother who he believes is trying to control him. Whenever a son's behavior changes in the presence of the mother and the wife feels like a third wheel, you can be confident there is a mother-son bonding issue that exists. This usually results in the son bonding to other women outside the marriage in a subconscious attempt to deal with the pain of the mother-son bonding.
He is often a flirt with other women usually unknowingly. Subconsciously he is meeting an emotional need in himself to prove his manhood through other women. John Eldredge shares a very personal account of his discovery of similar deep rooted issues he described in his book, Wild at Heart. He discovered what happens when a man cannot offer himself emotionally to his wife. A violent man destroys with his words; a silent man starves his wife.
Actually, it was several things-his words, his touch, but mostly his delight. There are so many other ways this plays out in life. A man who leaves his wife with the children and the bills to go and find another, easier life has denied them his strength.
He has sacrificed them when he should have sacrificed his strength for them. Another reason that we are seeing more moral failure today is due to the fatherless generation that was ushered in through the baby-boomer generation.
Since the s we have seen a steady increase in divorce and fatherless families. This has created an open wound in both men and women today. To make matters worse, he tried to cover it up. In hiding his wound, the man eventually fulfills the awful impact of the Malachi 4: He's left fearful of women, distrusting of other men, shortsighted in his view of God and, therefore, cut off from his destiny.
With such a deep wound in his masculine soul and the constant negative models at hand to fill it, the boy could only grow up looking for security in the one constant relationship, namely, his mother. He thereby learned to seek confirmation of his manhood from women. But since no woman is capable of doing that, and if he never goes to Father God with his wound, he's condemned to the eternally fruitless exercise of going from one woman to another seeking his manhood.
The nation has paid dearly for this with a skepticism and even scorn for his leadership and authority. Certainly Clinton must be held accountable for his choices and eventually suffer their consequences. But-as destructive as the father-wound is-there's not enough brick and mortar to build enough prisons to hold the men who are acting it out. It's a deadly epidemic among us, which hides in the shadow of shame.
In December Tiger Woods' world went from a polished, protected family-friendly personna to a womanizer, shamed and gossiped about throughout the tabloid media due to moral failure and infidelity in his marriage. One of the questions that can often come up when someone like Tiger Woods, who seemingly had the world by the tail pardon the pun , is "how could he ever want to go look outside his marriage with such a beautiful wife?
Tiger fits the profile of a man deeply affected by mother-son bonding. Tiger is an only son. His parents divorced after he was an adult, but most likely the marriage had been weak for many years before the final divorce.
It is known that Earl Woods was not faithful to his wife. Dina Parr, Tiger Woods' high school sweetheart, said in an interview that Tiger would call her crying, upset about his father Earl Woods' infidelity. Parr said Tiger would call her and say, "'My dad is with another woman' We often saw Tiger and his mother together and the bond between them must have been very strong.
This would have meant Tiger may never have really bonded with his wife Elin, and probably never dealt with the emotional pain from the bonding of his mother. This ultimately would have to lead to resolving the inner conflict in inappropriate ways sexually as he got older. Chances are that Tiger never really bonded with his wife Elin during the marriage but sought to bond with women outside the marriage through sex.
When you live in compromise you lose confidence in the faith dimension of your life. The Bible says we are to confess our sins one to another. The very act of bringing your struggle into the light brings healing.
My friend Ford Taylor often says "What we cover, God uncovers. What we uncover, God 'covers. The more public a figure you are, the greater the humiliation. If you choose humility by initiating repentance, God will cover you by His grace and your restoration will be quicker. When tiger tried to cover up his sin, he only made the humiliation factor grow in his situation. If he had been forthright by repenting in the beginning the level of humiliation would have been less severe.
Such issues can lead to a breach in the marital relationship and the husband and wife learn to cope in two different ways. Larry Crabb has summarized how both male and female use unique strategies to avoid the deep pain when a failure in trust happens. All of us are trapped by addiction to a desire for something less than God. For many women, that something less is relational control.
I'll see to it that what I fear never happens again. Their true femininity remains safely tucked away behind the walls of relational control.
More common in men is an addiction to non-relational control. Their commitment is twofold: Power in business and illicit sex are favorite strategies for reaching that goal. If the mother-son bonding remains unresolved, the negative behavior becomes a part of his personality at a subconscious level as he grows older.
Until he is conscious that his behavior is abnormal he lives in a world of independence, denial and conflict until he understands there is a problem. The wife struggles with thoughts and feelings like, "Why won't he talk to me? Why is he so defensive to my input? The way out of this is to come to the knowledge of the truth for the husband. The scripture says that the truth shall make you free. Men need God to heal their hearts of the pain in their lives that has been caused by this bonding and repent of the pain they caused their mates through their behavior.
God will often force us into a crisis in our marriages to deal with the issue. The husband must deal with both the root and his behavior. He must acknowledge his failure to love his wife because the spirit behind this issue is an unloving spirit rooted in the mother-son bonding. He must actually tell himself "she is not my mother, she is my wife! Most men will not begin to change until they can understand the problem.
It is not enough to complain to your partner that something is wrong. Until the man understands the reason for the problem and the way to fix it, he will not have the motivation to change. This is important because if our heart is not healed we will try to solve the problem through performance in order to relieve the pressure.
He will never heal the root issue. And the temptation for men is to get their validation as men from their wives or other women instead of God. There is another factor at play here as well.
If a son grows up under a mother who is volatile and angry he will grow up fearing a woman's anger. The father often withdraws from his wife's outbursts, often abandoning the son to her emotional fits. The son grows up fearing confronting any woman for fear of conflict and possible outbursts, and fears the woman will leave him.
By succumbing to these fears the boy grows up to be a man who abdicates his strength to the woman. The solution to this is for the man to exercise his true manly strength. Usually the woman will resist his new strength at first because she will perceive it to threaten her control over the man. A godly woman must come to a place of recognition that she actually needs his strength and will ultimately desire more of this.
An ungodly woman, who has simply replaced his mother in this scenario, will leave him. If you are a mother and want to know how to avoid falling into the trap of mother-son bonding, the key is to ask yourself a question as it relates to the way you relate to your son. A mother must help her son enter into manhood.
She must find ways that he can interact with other men who can help him develop into a healthy man. The Jewish bar mitzvah is a way the Jewish culture helps a young man recognize his manhood by his father. It is a rite of passage every young man needs. The mother must let go of her son emotionally and encourage the separation to take place as he enters into his late teen years.
If you do this, you will find your son will develop into an emotionally healthy male. Healthy relationships with other male figures are needed in the boy's life to invite him into manhood. You have never effectively leaved and cleaved to your wife emotionally. You may or may not have to speak with your mother about this issue. However, you must begin to: She must know that your wife is first priority in your life.
This can be a difficult transition for many men because it will feel like you are betraying your mother, but you are not. You are cutting one unhealthy bond so you can love and emotionally bond to your wife. Ask your wife for input. Tell her to let you know when she is feeling like a third wheel when in her and your presence.
Your vulnerability will prove to your wife you are serious about changing. Mother-son bonding creates a "feeling" of being controlled by your wife when she may simply be trying to connect emotionally. You will have to consciously say out loud to yourself when you have internal feelings that you feel controlled, "She is my wife, not my mother. The enormous increased level of dysfunction in our society due to absent fathers and broken marriages has ushered in a generation of adults who carry a lot of brokenness and pain.
Men, it is important to recognize the subtle lie the enemy of our soul tells us. That lie is "I cannot live without her. The more you have been impacted by the mother-son bonding, the more you are prone to buy into this lie.
Our source of strength cannot be the fair-haired woman; this can only be met by God if we are going to be Godly men. Healthy marriage can meet legitimate needs of both partners, but God must be our source for both spouses. Ballantine Books, , p. Tools to Equip You. October 27, Articles Archive.
Are you affected by Mother-son bonding? Many marriages are destroyed by this destructive pattern that can affect men and their relationships with their female relationships and spouses.
Resolving an Inner Conflict When mothers bond with sons during adolescence, the son rebels against this bonding because he is not wired to bond with any female once they get into adolescence without some form of sexual expression. Fear of Dependency Paul Olsen, declares in his book, Sons and Mothers, "What a man is frightened of, more than anything else in the vast possibilities of living experience, is dependency, regression to a state in which he becomes an infant in the care of his mother - a mother later unconsciously symbolized by almost all women with whom he comes in contact.
Bill Clinton's sexual indiscretions with Monica Lewinsky in the White House brought shame to him, his family, and the nation. To make matters worse, he tried to cover it up by lying to the American people on national television, and later explained it away as "not being sex.
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