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Looking for a white male between Disease free and I the shots. When i want it and if I want it. Dont want a relationship and cant stand clingy guys! Dont bother answering if you arent sending a. About Hello, I'm Nicole. I am about 5'5" with brown hair and blue eyes. I am a big fan of the "country" way of life. I am active in FFA, and love agriculture. I love cars and tractors. At some point, as Catholics, we need to decide whether we are going to strive for heroic virtue like the Saints, or merely settle for avoiding mortal sin.
For anyone interested, I would encourage you to read the life of St. Rita and notice how conformed she was to the will of the Trinity. Charity is the most important but a human life is not possible without philia friendship , eros desire — not just romantic desire , and storge affection. BUT, God intends that there be a spark of romance in marriage. Otherwise, what are those feelings of attractions for?
They are not evil, nor are they themselves concupiscience although they are affected by it. They are often part of how God leads us to His will. Just a question… have you ever tried to consummate a marriage with someone to whom you have zero physical attraction? To even do so requires an arousal that is, in part, based on such attraction. And I do not think that is disordered. As Jackie points out, we are each deserving of someone who loves us wholeheartedly, as this allows for the best relationship reflecting the Trinity and our own relationship with Jesus.
As Catholics, we recognize the importance of the physical. Why else would we believe in the transformation of our bodies at the end of time? Why else would we believe God sent His only begotten Son, Jesus, to come to is in physical form, both as a human and in the Eucharist? As a 22 year old who just recently broke off a 4 year off and on relationship with a good, Catholic guy who was months away from proposing, this blog post was a great reminder of why I did it. Thank you for writing this.
I recently got out of a two year relationship and I have been wondering if I made the right decision. This is exactly what I needed! And congratulations to you and Bobby! To be fair, some of those questions you asked could have more to do with background issues than the person you are considering marrying… for instance, the walking on eggshells and not bringing things up because you are afraid your significant other might lash out at you or break up with you… speaking from experience, I have background issues that make it difficult for me to bring up difficult issues with ANYONE, and fears associated with people close to me breaking off our relationship which originate with family problems.
However, God has gifted me with a compassionate, loving, attractive, holy, humorous husband and I am more in love with him than I ever could have dreamt of being in love with any man. I always thought life, marriage, child-raising, all of it, would just be mediocre and I had become okay with that. God broke the mold when he made my husband, but I have to remember that both he, and I have our issues that have nothing to do with each other.
U r amazing speaker. I am middleaged never married, can it still happpen for me. I am growing every day with the Rosary, Adoration, the Holy Mass, Confession……I was engaged 10 years ago but he cheated on me with my Wedding Planner yes I know that is a movie.. It took me 5 years to get over that then I took care of my dying Mom for 5 years and here I am alone and single saying the Rosary every day and been to Medjugorje 3 times …..
I am lonely, really wanting a man a good man like Bobby Angel. Can it happen to me? I dont want to be single, I desire a man a love but I know Jesus is my first lover, my God my savior no man can save me. J and B would u pray for me. LIke I said I am middleaged not a young woman I am still attractive and go to the gym but my deep Catholic faith is what makes me who I am….
Compromise is the key. You can not get everything on your checklist. Neither will your prospective partner. By the way, is daily mass really required? Would that time better spent? At times, certain activities become an addiction and your behavior should be self-modified before it becomes destructive and self distilling.
The problem is, everything I mentioned was not actually an expression of views invented by myself but rather an almost a point by point plagiarism of several sources which I agree with:. I assure you, having read all these works multiple times, this is exactly the view expressed in these works. At some level all of the arguments have two problems.
Secondly, it is very dangerous to argue against the views of great saints, and indeed several of the authors previously mentioned are great saints. They do not advocate quietism but they do argue for complete abandonment to divine providence and death to oneself and own will. Will procreation through the sexual act still be possible as one of the dissenters condescendingly asked?
Do we really need to answer this question when St. These would be the main issues, but there are many other reasons why the arguments are fallacious. It often happens that an attractive person loses their so called looks. Many women for example have their bodies change immensely after their first pregnancy, and they age greatly.
Not to mention things like illness or accidents which can render a persons beauty null and void. Now the spouse which followed their disordered attachment towards finding an attractive or so called good looking partner is now going to struggle having any ordered sexual life, since that attachment which they gave into is no longer there to be satisfied.
Thomas tells us once you give into an attachment its very hard to break, so its not like this spouse is just going to be able to cope with the fact their partner has lost their outward beauty. Ignatius gives in the Spiritual Exercises:.
And the other things on the face of the earth are created for man and that they may help him in prosecuting the end for which he is created. From this it follows that man is to use them as much as they help him on to his end, and ought to rid himself of them so far as they hinder him as to it. For this it is necessary to make ourselves indifferent to all created things in all that is allowed to the choice of our free will and is not prohibited to it; so that, on our part, we want not health rather than sickness, riches rather than poverty, honor rather than dishonor, long rather than short life, and so in all the rest; desiring and choosing only what is most conducive for us to the end for which we are created.
Our Lord himself teaches us to ask to do the will of God on earth as the saints do it in heaven: There is a similar account by Surio to the effect that a certain blind man obtained the restoration of his sight by praying to St.
Thinking the matter over, he prayed again to his heavenly patron, but this time with the purpose that if the possession of his sight were not expedient for his soul, that his blindness should return. And that is exactly what happened — he was blind again. Therefore, in sickness it is better that we seek neither sickness nor health, but that we abandon ourselves to the will of God so that he may dispose of us as he wishes.
However, if we decide to ask for health, let us do so at least always resigned and with the proviso that our bodily health may be conducive to the health of our soul. Otherwise our prayer will be defective and will remain unheard because our Lord does not answer prayers made without resignation to his holy will.
Therefore Sarah, J and Sean, in arguing against me and rejecting my comments you are actually rejecting the views of St. Louis Marie De Montfort and St. Attraction can rightfully and should be a consideration in married love. Married love is a different type of love than a love of a friend or random other human. There are also other saints who speak more specifically about married love. Take the very soon to be saint Pope John Paul 2. There you will find an explanation of the beauty of sexual attraction and the complementary of the sexes.
Can attraction be sinful? But it is God created, and thus is meant to be used for good originally and still can be. Attraction is no way inherently sinful.
We are called to be attracted to the good, true, and beautiful. A virtuous person can also lose their virtue, just as an attractive person can lose their looks. In either case, love sees beyond. A degree of attraction will ebb and flow, but God has set apart married love and He has graciously given us desire and attraction as a gift to aid in the impossibly difficult vocation that is marriage.
I also suggest that you read some of Dietrich von Hildrebrand. Catherine, I also thank you for being civil and charitable in your dissenting views of my comments.
This is not a question about loving your wife or husband. Do you really think that is what St. Louis de Montfort and St. No faithful writer in the history of the Church advocates such nonsense as not loving your partner, nor do they advocate the heresy of quietism where you are so indifferent you ignore the discernment clues of God or are indifferent to everything to the point where you ignore it all.
In fact that is a damnable trick of the devil since it is not ordered towards God. It is the will of God that a husband loves his wife, hence St. In fact Catherine, its the exact opposite. What I am expression along with the Doctors of the Church will make a person love their wife more than ever. In fact even if its the major requirement which if we are not going to be naive it is for most people especially men it would still not be even venially sinful even though its going to lead to much disorder.
I disagree and agree with the great Saints that although its not venially sinful to do this, its not seeking the Will of God, it reflects still an attachment to worldly considerations and its not the more perfect way and merely an excuse for people to continue to seek out a person merely based on looks or at least the best they feel they can do on looks.
Of course God will give us the strength to love our spouse, but that does not imply sacrificing of a natural psychical attraction and desire for them in the first place when choosing who to make your spouse.
There is a difference between looks and attraction. Everyone has differences in what they are attracted to. There is a difference.
The outward appearance only matters in as so much as that appearance is attractive to the individual, not by some social measure of attractiveness. Is it so absurd to think that God would give us a natural psychical attraction from the get go to the one that He deems good for us?
He states, which is true, that there is an ordered attraction between the two sexes on a natural level. For example it would be and is disordered for a man to find another man attractive, whereas it would be ordered in the order of nature for a man to find a woman attractive.
That is all he is saying which is orthodox Catholic teaching. You are wrong when you say he argues that such an attraction namely physical attraction to outward looks is necessary in that it is a necessary criteria people must use when finding a possible husband or wife. That would be so demonstrably false because there are numerous marriages in the Bible where God simply ordains or commands it and this fallacious idea of a necessity of attraction based on looks has no consideration.
Consolation seeking, feelings and emotions have no place in the spiritual life, and if anything pave the way to hell — that is people who follow their emotions, passions and feelings will end up in hell. In what seems to me to be a shocking, but at the same time very honest admission on your part is that you are happy to reject the teaching of the Doctors of the Church on this matter.
Again, before someone freaks out, we both agree its not sinful to take the course of action you propose, but its absolutely not the most saintly or perfect way. What distinguishes a person of heroic virtue and a great saint from a regular faithful and orthodox Catholic is the indifference they have to their own personal will.
You see the person who is completely ordered towards God, simply wants what God wants. Therefore, they neither want to be poor nor rich. If God wants them to make money, they will make lots of money and if He wants them to give everything away they will give everything away. If God wants them to marry a person who is ugly, they will marry that person, if He wants them to marry a person who is outwardly physically beautiful they will do so.
This includes faithful and orthodox Catholics. The orthodox and faithful Catholics will still attain heaven, since all that is required to attain heaven is to be free from unrepented mortal sin and this itself is hard enough but its doubtful they will have a high place in heaven. The last category is where we see the way of perfection and where Catholics should actually be aiming. In this last category a person wants neither poverty, nor wealth, neither approval or disapproval and neither a hot wife nor an ugly wife but wants simply what is the best option for their salvation and thus wants simply what God wants.
How sad things are when we have such little faith that it is at a point where its even smaller than a mustard seed atom. I appreciate your patience, too. You see, about 14 years ago, I was of the same opinion as you. I read several spiritual books, especially Fire Within by the late Fr. These led me to the same conclusion as you: However — trying to follow this advice led to mental illness. I am not exaggerating here.
I do agree that it seems that the great Saints up until very recent times seem to advocate what you are proposing. I sought the advice of a very hold, orthodox bishop I know and he told me that I have gotten the wrong impression of what these Saints taught but I agree with you, it seems that I had the right impression.
However, I must come to the conclusion that they are at least partially wrong because life is not livable that way. Just take one example — the dynamics of human desire. Even these great Saints would agree that some pleasure is unavoldable in life and that it is a mistake to avoid things which are pleasurable. However, the human heart and mind, created by God, do not work that way. Pleasure has stages — first a longing or a desire for a good thing, then the pursuit of it, then the attainment of it, then the relishing of it, and then finally a sense that it was good that you attained the thing you sought.
Trying to avoid seeking created things prevents the last two of these stages from happening, or you at least begin to feel a bit guilty for their happening, which then in turn prevents the enjoyment. God made us to need pleasure and enjoyment and not just from our relationship directly with Him. Anyway, I would be interested to hear how you think the kind of life you are talking about, if applied consistently and not just to attraction to the opposite sex, is livable.
Yes, I have read some lives of the saints and in most of them I do not find an answer to this question. It simply does not as most biographies also do not analyze their mind to the level needed to understand motivation like this. I am NOT trying to deny the teaching of the Church and I do realize that the Church recommends these spiritual masters but the Church does not say that every last bit of their teaching is infallible.
Although I am deeply saddened by your rejection of the teachings by the great Spiritual Doctors of the Church and Saints, I sincerely appreciate your honesty. I must come to the conclusion that they [the Saints and Spiritual Doctors of the Church e.
John of the Cross, St. Teresa of Avila, St. Ignatius of Loyola, St. Francis de Sales, St. While I am horrified at that admission, at the same time and on a side note am genuinely thankful for your honesty. I would like to explain why it horrifies me that most faithful and orthodox Catholics take your view and are happy to reject the hard teachings of the Spiritual Saints and Doctors but that would be a whole new discussion. While there are a lot of truths in this article and I genuinely respect and admire the work that is done here, I find myself agitated by it just as much now as when it first came out last year.
There are some major leaps taken from the message at the beginning of the article to the questions listed at the end in a way that leaves a disconnect. We know that God has an overall plan and He wins in the end, but there is suffering in the world because of human sinfulness.
To say that God will make sure it happens seems to take something away from free will. I think about my grandparents and their generation: They are in their 64th year of marriage. It was not some passionate, insanely romantic start. They got along, they liked each other, and they were the right age to marry. There is a big difference between the settling Jackie describes at the beginning and the type of unhealthy relationship one is in if they answer negatively to the questions at the end.
What happens when a marriage inevitably goes through hard times and you no longer feel that passion for one another, for whatever reason? I think bottom line is it would have been nice to see less black and white and a little more understanding of the greyness of the world in the article.
I want to reiterate that there are some truths here and I enjoy the work of chastityproject and Jackie is a wonderful role model. I missed the last half of a sentence there: Thank you Jackie for writing this post.
I just want to say that sometimes I really have doubts if I will ever meet that special someone. Have had one or two boyfriends in my life but I have still kept my vanity. I want to save it for a special someone, a person I can really trust emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I know I am still young turning 20 this ear so still have a lot of time to find that special someone. I know god find me a great man. I just have to wait-patiently which honestly is very difficult sometimes….
Zibonai either you are not being called to marriage, or God has not provided you with your future husband yet because it is not His Will for you to marry at the moment and he is calling you to first purge yourself of any sins, pride or imperfections. In this period, what God wants for you is to focus on your own holiness and humility and not be anxious and desire marriage to happen tomorrow. Mit dining petition signatures view the text of the petition to add your signature keone d hon, senior, phi delta theta fsilg resident.
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