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Single Men In Swinging While their are many wonderful sincere single men that seek to be involved in responsible non-mongamy, there are two big problems single men face. This is especially true for new couples since sharing only with other couples creates less jealousy issues.
Later they may become involved in the Lifestyle without having to always be together with their partner but there still is more a sense of security when they know the other person is also in a strong primary relationship.
Also, many single men tend to want to cling to a women and are much more desperate for sex than a couple that are already sexually fulfilled but simply want more variety and more friendships with others that have a strong primary relationship. Many experienced couples have experienced this and want nothing to do with single men based on these bad experiences. A couple wrote about why they only swing with couples: Whether married or not, a couple is a man and a women that care about each other's well being.
It is much easier to relax and enjoy the company of others when you know that you are with people who care about their partners. You will feel a sense of safety and security, which we know, is important to all of you. Since hardly any single women are interested in the Lifestyle until they first have a partner we get about single men asking about the group for every 10 couples and almost no single women , we would always have to limit men. If you feel gender balance is important this is a serious problem.
In some polyamory groups, gender balance is not important and having lots of extra men is not a problem. However, we believe gender balance is important and therefore allow single men to participate only if gender balance can be maintained. We hoped to attract more single women with our interest in intimacy not just sex. I have brought in about six women, but they are now in other prime relationships and a couple of them participate as couples.
Some clubs like Sociables in Phoenix, have nights single men can come but most couples avoid those nights unless they are into exhibitionism and enjoyed be stared at by lots of horny single men.
This is certainly not my interest nor that of most couples. If also makes a lot of money for the clubs to have single men nights. We did try a single men's group and had one very good meeting. However, we just didn't have enough leaders interested in continuing and the numbers were very small compared to the number of initial inquiries.
When most men found out we really didn't have zillions of women just waiting for them, they lost interest. My interest is primarily couples and neither Bill nor I have any time nor that much interest to promote or even help someone else lead a single men's group since we just are too busy with other things. In some polyamory groups, the gender balance is not as important since they often include many bisexual men. Bisexual women are common in "swinging" but bisexual men have always been at a great disadvantage due to HIV concerns, which of course are not necessary well founded.
Many bi men have no interest in anal which is the only significant HIV risk. But bi men mostly have to remain in the closet in "swinging" but are more welcomed in polyamory groups.
We are more of a poly group than swing The following is a more extensive collection of comments from others as well as my own regarding single men in "swinging": At Liberated Christians out of about people contacting us often from ads saying we are for couples and single women only we still get about single men contacting us for information for every 20 couples to perhaps single women.
A couple of these women were dominatrix's looking for slaves! Only one single women currently participates in our Fellowship Group out of 46 people who attended last meeting and she helps as a leader. The rest are all couples and they clearly do not want single men to offset the gender balance and who may have a different agenda than long-term loving friendships, couple to couple.
Many women are bisexual so extra women not a problem. Very few men are bi and most men are much more against male bisexuality, while bisexuality among women is common and accepted by most all.
It is important for single men to realize swinging is primarily a couples activity. While a few "select" single men participate, and a few couples seek them, the vast majority of couples only want couples.
There are good reasons for this, especially where friendship and intimacy is sought, not just recreational sex. The fact is there is a HUGE oversupply of men compared to the very small demand. Here are some of the reasons why single men are mostly unwelcome in swinging One club owner said: We are on the Board of Directors of one of the largest and oldest swing clubs in the country. Our club is nonprofit so we don't go out of our way to rip-off single guys unlike some of the other clubs I've seen.
My personal observation on singles is that they are too pushy Most couples in the lifestyle avoid single guys. Very few couples are looking for mmf threesomes. Clubs that let single guys in in any quantity are just trying to make a quick buck and eventually chase the couples away. To sum up how most couples feel, is that if you don't bring a women to the party you shouldn't be attending Your chances of scoring as a single guy in a swing club is very slim.
And any club that tells you different is just trying to part you from your money". From Steve Allen on Internet. Another club owner said in response to my single men problem post: We are a swinging couple who runs a swinging couples only board here in Toronto. We get a lot of single straights looking to join up with a couple. There are couples interested in the husband watching their wife getting it from a single male or group but they are far and few between.
Most couples who are into swinging are looking to exchange partners for something new or as an extension of a friendship. Single women are welcome at most clubs, but are very rare. If women want to be the meat in the market they can go to a bar. Most women want more intimacy and caring and only come into swinging once in a stable wonderfully open communicative prime relationship. Also many more women are bisexual than men, so extra women is not nearly the problem than extra men.
All major swing conventions are couples only for these reasons. The Lifestyles convention grand daddy of all with people has been couples only for many years due to so many complaints when they use to let single men attend.
The vast majority of couples are simply not interested in single men and to encourage more unneeded males to participate is, in my opinion, a big disservice to the majority in the Lifestyle. More public posts about single men: That is not what many swinging couples want.
A single male has a very different agenda and issues than couples. Many couples have told me of terrible experiences where they bring in a single male for the women, and he falls in love with her and is devastated when he can't have her more often. Some single men tend to attach like a octopus out of desperation. Couples want to share as friends, intimacy with other couples without any need to be jealous since they are centered in the prime relationship.
Many swingers are looking for much more than just recreational sex, but intimate friendships with other couples. I'm sure some jerk will follow-up my post with another long-winded reason why they should be included in our lifestyle - but they just don't seem to get it! We don't care, we aren't interested, you've missed the whole point and purpose of the alternative lifestyle. In fact, by single guys constantly trying to convince us that they are worthy of a second look, they perpetuate their own misery.
Listen fellas, leave the "couples" alone and go about finding an available female to satisfy your sexual needs and desires and then you are no longer a single!
Also, I'm sure that the next post from some dork will claim that they've had relationships with lots of couples. I tend to agree In answer to the question why single women are welcome and not single men a swinging couple answered: We basis this on observations over the last 15 years and having operated several clubs in different areas of the country. Before this was called an alternative lifestyle it was know as wife swapping.
That tells us that this activity was built around couples and not singles. Yes there should be room for everyone in this lifestyle. Unfortunately many single males have no understanding of what it is about. The actions of those have given a black eye, so to speak, to all single males. Truth is they wasted there time by approaching a couple that wasn't' interested just because they thought they were the exception.
That will never be the case, they aren't' going to be anybody's exception. Many of the single men bring other problems with them, lack social skills, low self estem. They aren't going to have any more luck with couples than they have in the str8 world, it just doesn't work that way.
Some couples even use the time as a bonding experience. Inviting another single man or woman to join in. Playing with both people within the couple. This is great when you have one person in a couple who is bisexual.
Since it lets them play with the other side of their sexuality. You can do most anything you like within the bounds of etiquette and consent. Observe the rules of the venue. Remember to negotiate so you know what each person is into. STI status, a brief sexual history, and their preferred method of protection. Just these few things can tell you a lot about a person or hookup.
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