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Especially if you plan on trying to raise together. You should be prepared for the reality that he never live up to his potential, especially if he has someone to support him. Sorry but it could happen, not that it necessarily. So, is that a deal breaker? A couple of my favorite lines in a Cake seem very appropriate here: The ornaments look but they're weighing down the branches of the tree.

I don't want to sit a across the table from you, wishing I could run. It was following her actually telling me the truth about her life. She had made some really dumb choices in the past, she was ashamed and that I'd find out and leave. She'd had an abusive stepfather and a mother who took no action after it was discovered. Screwed her up good.

However as others have noted be the case here, she clung to it for protection. She used it as a defense of any fucked up action, after all, she had suffered so much.

There was no way I could understand, no way I could relate and therefore I was insensitive because my response was much that it was not the reason she continued to make poor choices. The fact is that people CAN relate, we all have things that have been "done" to us we had no control over. Things that hurt us and we didn't handle well, we've all fucked up our lives at one point or another.

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