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One of cinema's most sexually satisfied franchises returned to the screen this month with Fifty Shades Darker, the sizzling sequel in the bonkbusting 50 Shades of Grey series, boasting more nookie in minutes than many of us could hope to see this side of summer.
The heroine, Anastasia Steele, trembles, pants, and repeatedly finds herself on the brink of climax at the slightest touch of her lover, and the chemistry between the pair is such that they reach orgasm more times than you can shake a riding crop at.
In the face of such glorious frequent earthshattering erotic antics on screen, it's impossible not to ask the inevitable question - how does your own sex life compare? Chances are, it doesn't. But even for the average couple, is cinema creating unrealistic sexpectations? How often should we be having sex? What might be causing a waning sex life? And how can you inject a bit of red hot passion? Polls regularly reveal that many couples are unhappy with their sex life - one recent survey claimed just one third of Irish people reported being 'very happy' with their life in flagrante - but it's not always easy to pinpoint what's causing this dissatisfaction.
Sexperts however are unanimous in their belief that one factor feeding into feelings of sexual frustration is the pressure to have amazing sex, and the mistaken belief that everyone else is having it. So, before deciding your sex life is sub-par, it might be wise to turn off the telly and get rid of the idea that what you see in film, is representative of the trysts you should be aiming for. They are being taught that this is what sensuality looks like.
It's changing how we think about our bodies and about sex and all this forced sensuality and sexualisation is, in my opinion, putting the 'rot' in erotic. There is no ideal sex life, only what is ideal to you. What really matters is that it's an intimate and connecting experience for both, that the couple feel bonded during and after, and importantly have fun.
And while there's no hard and fast no pun intended rule, it is worth bearing in mind that your sex life will, in all likelihood, change as you get older. According to the Kinsey Institute of Sex, Reproduction and Gender, the 'optimum' number of times for 18 to year-olds to be having sex is times per year; for ages it's 86 times a year, and for 40 to year-olds it's 69 times a year.
A separate survey found that over a quarter of those aged aren't having sex at all, while a different piece of research found that older couples reported being happier with their sex life, even if it wasn't as frequent.
Can you expect a sexual relationship to still have the same mind-blowing connection as when you first met? O'Reilly says probably not. Ideally, we replace the mind-blowing with a calmer, deeper connection that has mind-blowing moments. We needn't panic that we haven't breathlessly wanted to rip our partner's clothes off in a while. But that's not an excuse to chalk a disappointing sex life up as 'just one of those things'.
If you've read all the above and reckon your expectations are reasonable but not being met, then there's no reason to suffer in silence. Most important to solving the problem is to pinpoint why the sexual side of your life is out of sync. This could be any number of factors says Bergin; stress, depression, negative body image, infidelity, illness, overuse of porn, the arrival or children, menopause, and unresolved conflict.
Sexual and relationship therapist Tony Duffy tonyduffy. The relationship buffer zone wears away: Work gets in the way, with children, bills, illness or even a death in the family all playing a part in putting stress in a relationship and knocking sex onto the sidelines. The arrival of children on the scene is a common factor, with last year's Maternal Health and Maternal Morbidity in Ireland study revealing that, while 51pc of mums had reported being 'very satisfied' with their sex life pre-pregnancy, only 24pc reported the same 12 months post-partum.
The best way to pinpoint the problem, and the only way to solve it, is to talk - with your partner, a therapist, or both. Couples who are able to talk to each other about their sexual needs have more satisfaction in this area than those who don't.
She feels our coyness about sexuality is a cultural issue, something that will need to be addressed in school sex education and on a wider societal level before we become more comfortable. It might mean feeling vulnerable, or risking rejection, but done sensitively, it is possible to have a successful conversation about sex.
To tackle sex talk sensitively and successfully, she has these key recommendations:. You might have lots to say but try to listen to how your partner sees it, where they're at and how they're feeling.
Be gentle with your partner and realise they may find this hard to talk about. Researchers have come up with multiple factors reputed to boost sexual satisfaction, with polls suggesting that everything from better sleep to wearing socks in bed can result in women's increased sexual pleasure.
But in most cases, the steps towards establishing a better sex life will take time. And it's worth it - the importance of a healthy, fulfilling sex life should not be underestimated. It can be seen too as exercise and has cardiovascular benefits. Sex helps us sleep better due to the hormone prolactin being released after orgasm, and it can also help if we're experiencing pain. For most of us it can be both. But solving these issues might require the help of a third party. We're happy to ask life coaches, personal trainers and dating apps for help with problems in other aspects of life - sex should be no different.
And maybe even fun. It depends on the individual couple - and the issues they've uncovered through communication - but some general steps to restore intimacy are:. Don't get fixated on having 'perfect' sex - of the full-on sexy lingerie weekend away-type. Instead focus on doing something affectionate every day and build intimacy. Consider a sex schedule - weekly, not daily - to put sex back on the priority list.
Research has showed that having sex can improve your libido. Of course this isn't always practical but it's good to act on the spark rather than hope desire will still be burning later. Last year a study found that one third of men still won't go to their doctor to discuss a loss of sex drive because they're too embarrassed.
One in 10 men suffers from erectile dysfunction, vaginismus causing pain during sex is common in women - and both can be helped by seeking the advice of a health professional.
A drop in libido can also be symptomatic of other, non-sexual, health problems, including arthritis, cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure and neurological diseases. Get help, that's what the professionals are there for. Don't compare yourself to other people, ex-partners or porn. Genital size, duration of sex, frequency of sex, body shape - there is no normal, only your normal. Taking cues from porn or other sources only results in personal hang-ups and insecurities in the bedroom.
Don't put too much emphasis on the big O. But when there's too much focus and pressure on orgasm, it actually makes it less likely to occur. Don't bottle up feelings about lack of intimacy, it only leads to resentment and further alienation.
Potential vacancy for lover, theatre buddy, or one-off fling. Chrissie Russell I suspect there were similar conversations going on in many households as husbands and wives read David Beckham's revelations that marriage to Posh has been "hard work". I am a year-old woman and I have never been asked out by a man. I have been told that I am attractive, I have a university education, a pensionable job, nice car, apartment, etc.
It breaks my heart to be single. It's a physical ache. I know that I am too old to have a family now but even the love of a committed partner would be lovely at this stage. I ache when I see my brothers with their wives and children and ask How to put the spark back in your bed - 5 ways to sex up your relationship No physical relationship stays mind-blowing in the long term - but neither should it die out altogether.
Our reporter examines the most common reasons for an extinguished sex life and asks the experts how couples can relight the fire…. Chrissie Russell February 26 2: Familiarity breeds contempt, with sex becoming predictable and boring. To tackle sex talk sensitively and successfully, she has these key recommendations: When you're relaxed and won't be interrupted.
Use 'I' statements to own your emotions. Lack of communication around sex 5 ways to sex up your relationship It depends on the individual couple - and the issues they've uncovered through communication - but some general steps to restore intimacy are: Turn off the TV and ban screens from the bedroom.
What NOT to do when dealing with a flagging sex life Don't get into blame or criticism - both are extremely corrosive. Don't introduce sex toys or pornography without prior discussion. The joys of sex beyond the obvious Good for stress-busting Cardiovascular exercise Improved self-esteem Good for bonding Boosts the immune system Pain relief Improved sleep Lower blood pressure Strengthens pelvic floor muscles improving female bladder control May reduce risk of prostate cancer Weekend Magazine.
Why are so many married people risking it all by swiping on Tinder? Is marriage supposed to be 'hard work' like David Beckham says? Our resident psychologist answers your queries about sex One-in-five vote for Peter Casey is a major alarm call for all Style Newsletter Stay on top of the latest fashion, beauty and celeb gossip in our Style newsletter. Is marriage supposed to be 'hard work' like David Beckham I suspect there were similar conversations My wife admitted having an affair.
I am a middle-aged male and I have been living with My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a Also in this section. Why are so many married people risking it all by swiping on I've never been asked out on a date and I'm so lonely Q: I am a year-old woman He's really boring - there has to be more to a Our resident psychologist answers your I'm catfishing my ex boyfriend to get his nudes to
SO…no…blow jobs or lack there of did not break our marriage to pieces. However, the act of ignoring a request he made to me involving happiness and the feeling or rejection when I said no…that was the beginning of the end. I know it in my heart and have thought of it several times over the years since our split. I still love him, I miss him every day and I regret my choices and behavior in many ways.
But I am no longer in love with him nor he with me…so we will never reconcile. Our family died and we have grieved that loss painfully and often. We both had parents who stayed married for over 50 years. But I digress…my point is…do what you can.
As an aside…I have been single now for years. Each time my man and I are engaging in sexual activities, I perform oral sex. And without hesitation I will say I love it. It arouses me, it makes me feel sexy and desired, it gives me the feeling that I hold, in my power, a secret that breaks all barriers down between us, one move is mine to make and when I do the man lying with me becomes vulnerable, or affectionate or sensitive or calm and content.
And he is happy. Do I regret not learning this sooner. But do I want you to read this over and over until you get it…and then again. Surviving divorce, missing your children and the family that ate at that old table in the kitchen and laughed and yelled and loved each other are gone too. That, my friend is hard. That was the most honest and self-introspective post I have ever read no offense, coming from a woman.
I am so moved not only from the lessons you learned but the way you have grown as a result of the experience. I wish you could lead a class on sexuality, honest, loving husbands, etc to most of the wives I know. Men are creatures of habit, if we were getting and giving oral we will expect that once married. Depending on how much we enjoyed it could play a part in us getting and giving it elsewhere. I would much appreciate a candid non-defensive response from a woman about why not the frequency just oral sex changes seemingly immediately after the wedding vows are said.
Thank you for shareing your heart on such an immensely important topic. So many woman just do not get it that their man needs and longs to feel desired and wanted and lusted after.
I love knowing my husband desires me. Id be heartbroken if he stopped wanting me. I could literally slap myself for hurting him like that. He was all snuggly this morning and cuddly and kissy but so sweet about it. He got up then came back to bed two times. I suspected he wanted a quickie blowjob before heading out the door so I rolled him onto his back and kissed him all over and finished him off.
To think thats all I have to do to make my man feel wanted loved and good all day long. I will never reject him again. I love makeing him wait a little though and tease him for a few minutes LOL He doesnt like to be pushy about it so I act like I dont notice his hard on at first hahaha Drives him crazy its so damn cute. Thank God for women like you who actually get it.
Crazy how a mutually self sacrificing marriage leads to the happiness of both parties. Why is this such a difficult lesson for many SO? If I stay horny and get no relief does my SO think it just goes away as I go about my day?
I personally work in an office building full of women, my day consist of unplanned erections and me having to relieve myself. So frustrating and embarrassing. I think you should have a heartfelt talk about this issue that your haveing to suffer through.
Ask your wife…Lord have mercy…have pity on me!!! Marie, my wife says all I think about is sex and now thats shes entered the menopause situation is gotten worse. They touch me to communicate, smell great, look incredible, walk sexy and have that look that my wife used to have. This is serious …. But if the reason you have turned to lusting after other woman is because your wife refuses to be passionate in bed then you need to tell her this because she needs to be aware of how her lack of sexual interest in putting you in a really serious situation of looking elsewhere for relief.
How would she feel if you cheated on her and then had to live with the pain and guilt? Im sure it would really bother you to know you cheated on her. Deep down youd feel like a dog. But your being deprived of LOVE and sexual companionship and its makeing you crazy. Can you come to some kind of compromise together. Stop lusting those woman at work and set your attention back to your wife and tell her how serious this is for you and you wouldnt think about sex all the time if you were makeing love once a week.
Adultery is devastateing for both involved. Please try to make her understand. Or make her jealous LOL I dont know.
I feel for you I really do. Your marriage is in trouble. Very well said Marie. Really the issue is just not the sex, it is part of the relationship and an important part.
I would tell my wife and I have, that I love her and the person I want to have sexual feelings for and have relations w is her.
Do you mean that because you have such hot women at work you always have hard-ons; but when you go home with your erections that result from working around such hot women your wife refuses to give you relief? Kitty, I think you misunderstood me. I take hard-ons to work due to frustration at home. The ladies at work get to see the results. My wife is hot, just not in a sex giving mood, often.
You are so right on Marie I use to be able to get any women.. But I only want my wife and she not seen that the only time she Care is for a min when her girls friends say some things about me.. I only want my wife to want me no other women. Most women already deal with this. For a threat to cause fear it has to be something that might not happen. Lynn, what are you talking about, you do realise that you are not the only woman in the world, but you expect to be treated like it?
You essentially told your ex take it or leave it, I guess he left it…and it sounds like he adopted your own approach to the marriage and became selfish himself, before gradually resenting, then hating you.
My wife does not enjoy performing oral sex. She has reasons to feel the way she does which I certainly will not get into here but they involve childhood abuse. WTF is wrong with people. This is so depressing. Are all men really like this? Just be ur self women and this conversation dies.
If you just sucked to get in the door than its ur own fault.. I just ed wanted the catch.. Own up, if u r not who u say u are from the beginning ur just lying to ur self and everyone else. I seriously didnt understand just how important this was to my husband in order for him to feel desired, fufilled, content,satisfied with our sex life. When I decided to do it he about cried and thats when I realized how loved he felt by me when I allowed myself to show love to his manhood.
Its just skin ladies. Dont be afraid of it. My husband is so much more content in our marriage since I started.
He never demands it. He actually is quite satisfied sexually and doesnt hound me for sex the way he use to, that drove me nuts. Now he is incredible emotional and sweet and opens the car door for me. Cause he feels loved by me. A mans penis is a Huge part of his manhood. Believe it or not, its true. Just deal with it and accept it ladies and stop acting all prudish or you will miss out on the best sex and romance and tenderness of your life.
I started out by just kissing it and playing around with it till I felt comfortable. I dont go all porn star on it LOL but he gets off in 5 minutes if I tease the hell out of him first. I hope the woman on here who are afraid or feel like less than a woman if they enjoy their husbands bodies can help themselves to love their mans bodies.
Just give it a kiss or two. Deal with your insecurities and prudishness before you lose out on a beautiful intimacy with the man you love. Marie, I think you hit the nail on the head so to speak. You posses an amazing clarity and wisdom on this issue.
As a man, I speak only for myself, I feel loved when I am respected, esteemed, and wanted. Receiving oral sex is just an extension of those criteria. I too feel loved when my wife does perform this act, and this stirs me to want to love her more, I feel so more connected to her, and I want to please her to the best of my ability, to study her more etc.
I hope more wives realize the power they have to love unselfishly and the bounty of love they will receive in doing so. Roland what if you love your hubby more than anything but your too damn tired after working all day, dropping off and picking up kids, cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, giving baths, and putting kids to bed 6 days of the week?!
Why would you put your marriage at the end of your list? Thats no way to live and you will soon burn yourself out. Get your marriage back into priority, it is the very foundation of your whoile family and your happiness. My husband would rather have less money and a messy house if that means Im happy, relaxed and able to enjoy myself.
With my personal interests as well as in bed. He came home one evening to me showered and waiting naked in bed for him and he loudly exclaimed…Damn the house is a wreck but I got a sexy bride lieing naked in my bed.
LOL It was soo funny and soo romantic. We just held eachother and I cried because I missed him so much and weve been too busy. If your going to let anything go to crap in your life, dont let it be you or your marriage. You have way too much on your plate if you have no time or energy to crawl into the arms of the man you love and make sweet love.
Apples, sadly being too exhausted, or too tired, or too busy, etc may be true. Now I would understand the reluctance to submit oneself to their spouse if they are hurt, feel unloved, no reciprocation of sexual pleasure, and disrespected, etc. Communication is the key in marriage, sometimes I am not sure what to do when there is an impasse.
When I give to my spouse lovingly and selflessly she eventually comes around pun intended to try to meet my needs. Not perfect for sure though. The feeling leaves you. If you want sex do the right thing you will get sex. Dont EVER punish your man by withholding pleasure, sex gets a man out of his head and helps him connect to his heart and to you.
Please stop withholding the one thing that validates his masculinity as good and verile and desireable. You sir deserve the nobel peace prize. Every female needs to read your post. My respects to you.
May you live a long and happy life. Im sure you already do, with your mentality. Anyways, best comment ever sir. Well, I have treated women like gold, Go down all the time with nothing in return.. But hey, if ur happy f it!!! This is how I caught herpes from my husband. If you would have kept your husband satisifed he would have never sought the services of a prostitute.
Some people are caught up in strange, or new sex, the new chase, sex, and affiars. Mmm not all men are the same you know my wife hardly every have sex with me. Most of the time I have blue balls every damn day. Most night I come home from work I got me some oil and go to town in the shower every night. Trust me I love my wife more then ever. For almost a year, I barely did it at all, but after I started doing it at least once a month the romance just surged back into our relationship.
All I can say is once a month is a whole lot better than herpes. Plus the romance has been way better. You have the key, if you will just use it. And where in her comment does it tell us when her husband slept with a prostitute? How do we know his sleeping with a prostitute had anything to do with her not giving him a blow job?
Not that it makes a difference one way or another. The woman clearly had a reason to not want to give her husband a blow job. You giving your husband a blow job a month or giving him one every day is no safeguard against him going out and sleeping with other women from whom he can contract disease.
There are men who will cheat while having sex regularly with their wives. It happens quite often; and some cheat with prostitutes. At the point where she refuses. Now I have told her I refuse. She seems happy with thats. I get people have reservations but in a long term relationship you st least try, or explore. I wanted a vest friend. My vest friend is someone I can tell anything to. I cant tell her I want a blow job because I have given up. She keeps nagging for a ring.
A nice red lipstick ring at the bottom of my shaft would be great. She said stop asking. I said, be very worried when I stop asking. I was with her one year, no anniversary blow job despite her getting it daily and never reciprocating. My daughter is 2 now and I love her. No it was a lie and she trapped me. I was ready to dump her after our anniversary and I let her bullshit me. Not gone to a hooked yet. Maybe will have an affair with someone who appreciates my tongue.
Why should I have a broken home. I was lied to. You clearly know nothing about men. A blow job is the best sex in the world. As someone who is clearly also a refuser, you are talking a load of shit. I told a girl at work about my refuser partner, she said I should leave my partner and be with her instead.
I tell you she was damn right. I feel bad for you Trevor. I was like your wife for most of my marriage. I hope my husband didnt cheat on me, he said he never did and I told him that made me feel really sad for him that he went all those years without sex or even a blowjob.
I was very uptight sexually. I didnt want to be but I had so many hangups. At one point he just got a life without me and I missed him so much. I started talking about my hangups and looking online for help. Well he started trying to find mt G-Spot to help me enjoy sex more which really pissed me off at first shoving his fingers in me like that but DAMN!!!
Now I pounce on him and he is freaking loving it. I love to tease the hell out of him now then give him a blowjob. Try to find ways to help your wife enjoy sex. Dont let her miss out on her sensuality, help her find it. Thats the husbands job. Women with no self esteem are gullible. Your wife knows better. Here is the thing.. Wow cassie, that sucks. It is truly depressing to read some of these comments. No one disagrees with that. How long should a person remain in an abusive relationship?
Neglect of a child is abuse and so it is the same for a spouse. Yes, I have to intervene nearly everyday freaking bitch!! I have been selecting a prostitute in Nevada because after 27 years of my wife being either cold or disinterested I want some passion or at least faked passion on the chicks part. I no longer care. I am sorry that you now have a std and I might get one to but the whore that I have selected is really hot and my wife at one time was just as hot but now is pounds.
I am tired of navigating the muffin top. Probably gave yourself herpes there im afraid, inadvertently. Now I wonder why he was visiting prostitutes.. You have no one to blame here but yourself for your outcome. I am male and some of the things I read online from men who want to take up arms and wage war against their wives for refusing to suck them off is disturbing.
I pray none of them are fathers of daughters, but sadly many are. I got through undergrad, received a masters degree and am finishing my doctorate and I would never marry a women if she did not want to perform oral sex. I would just chalk it up to sexual incompatibility. Look at you as a perfect example. Do you tell that to the women you date? If you do tell them, can you share honestly if you dare which are the types that accept this prerequisite?
How many intelligent, emotionally and mentally balanced women who love and value themselves agree to have their worthiness to be in your life reduced to their willingness to suck your dick?
All your suppisitions sound more like your own issues. Nowhere did I ever say a woman was not worthy to me if she did not perform oral sex on me. What if I said that I would not marry a woman if she did not cook? Being as though I do not know how to cook, i would like like to be with someone who could. I am not very handy, however, I do everything thatni can to make enough money so that if my significant other needs her car fixed, I can afford a competent mechanic.
Again if a woman I was interested in did not like performimg oral sex, being that I love to receive and do not mind giving, why waste both our time? She could go out and find a man whom receiving oral sex is not a priority and she could be happy.
If this makes me shallow in your opinion, so be it. I am sure you would never want to be in a relationship with me nor i with you. I would also not want to be with someone who is judgmental which you appear to be. I have encountered this issue before. I told my then girlfriend that I believed that she woild happier with someome else.
She thanked me for my honesty and we parted on good terms. She is now happily married and I attended the wedding.
Again no fault on either side. I can so appreciate this guys honesty. Im a woman and I would be pretty miserable if I was married to a man who didnt enjoy giving me oral sex. Even if I loved him I couldnt marry him because I would feel undesireable to him if he found my vagina disgusting. I too would not give my husband oral sex ,it became such an unhappy depressing issue for my husband that I had to seriously think about why I wouldnt do it.
I realized I felt like a whore doing oral sex because it seemed so dirty. Then I had a light bulb moment!! What if my husband felt licking my flower was dirty and disgusting and made him feel bad about himself giving me pleasure.
Needless to say, I talked with him about this and came to see that its because porn and prostitutes do this so I believed only bad girls did that. I hjave changed my perspective completely since this realization. I love my husband,every inch of him is beautiful and I want to give him pleasure.
Now I can say after our sincere and heartfelt talks about my issues…I love giving him oral sex. He was so happy the first time dureing a blowjob that he said out loud, I think Im gonna cry.
It was so fucken cute. Im not good at it but he loves it and encourages me dureing it and helps finish it off. Ive never seen him so happy LOL. Education and intelligence have nothing to do with it. Every normal human has sexual desires, and if that person spends their life being denied fulfillment of those desires, they will never be happy. And if that means only marrying some one who will suck you off, then so be it. There are plenty of women willing to do it.
Why settle for less? Emma-K its his choice who he decides to marry, and he wants to enjoy oral sex for the rest of his life, like ALL OF US here, so why shouldnt he only marry a woman who is willing to do that??? If you dont want to do it yourself, i suggest you only marry a guy who doesnt want it! Dears Making sex in different ways always depend on love between the two and oral is not issue but it depends how you two motivate each other and fufill this natural need not self created by two.
Sex is nature not a creation and managing it in manner is like a dream which brings pleasure but if you feel it nightmare dream then its thinking fault. I am dead sure. Remember the revolution ladies?? I think we have to take one thing in perspective; did she used to give you oral? Damn near a deal breaker. Old post I know. For the record, I too am nearing completion of my doctoral degree final defense of my dissertation , and former school principal and teacher for 20 years, neither a frat boy nor mysogynistic, and a virgin before marriage.
I am so sick and tired of being played by my wife of 21 years. Im afraid i might develop an aversion to the Bible. When i did get oral it was maybe once a year when she felt like i deserved it or it was my birthday. Nowadays when we have sex, which happens once a week, she wants it done and over with. She will jack me off to help, but only because she knows sex will be over quicker.
So she wants me to treat her like im having sex with a prostitute? Wham, bam thank you mam? I know she still has that sensuality inside her, but dammit I think her over-spiritualizing sex is the root of our problems. For the past few nights I gave up our bed and sleeping in another room so I can watch porn and Jack off all I want.
We just live together. I no longer believe in abstaining from sex before marriage. My advice to young people who place importance on sex would be to live together first. How else would you know their view on the matter? If I had to do it over again, I would make sure to marry a woman who values our relationship above all else and into receiving and giving sexual pleasure. But what could I have done?
Give her an ultimatium? Give me oral sex or we separate? Whereas, withholding a source of pleasure is much more painful to me. Problem was my wife was very sexual kissing, petting when we were dating. I assumed i was set for a blissful marriage. I still remember how much oral we were giving each other on our honeymoon. Aside from oral sex, she also refuses to entertain sexual talk.
I love to talk about sex fantasies with her but she views it as sinful. She wants me hot and ready so I need less help and avoid having sinful thoughts and therefore get the deed done asap. I am really looking forward to sex robots ot even VR sex.
I was talking like I was the big shot and my way or the highway. So after 3 days of sulking, I gave in and apologized. It helps that we share the same basic spiritual beliefs.
So in the end it is not worth it for me to sulk and demand certain sexual favors from her. Outside of those frustrations, i realize that she does love me, just not the way I expect. Same goes for oral. Your denial of your husband is saying a lot more to him than you think. You and I should heve listened to the signals before we married women like this. I hear the story often about the husband or boyfriend willing to lick the cesspool between their legs and they wont do their wifely duties..
Really makes me mad. She use to do it. I feel bad I wanna leave her over this. I give it to her and she enjoys its. Idk what to do. Is this a real reason to leave my wife???? But I almost like head as much as sex. I go to work found a great home for her. Buy her all the cloths and shoes she wants. I have been married for 36 years. My wife and I did not have sex before we were married.
I had a little trouble giving my wife oral pleasure at first and she objected to me trying at first. After I gave her oral pleasure for the first time she had her greatest orgasm and has liked receiving oral sex ever since. I gave her oral sex for the first time because I thought she should experience it and if she liked it I could put up with the mental discomfort.
I realized after her first oral pleasure that I really liked the taste and scent of her cum. I now enjoy giving her oral pleasure as much as she enjoys receiving it. My wife has never given me oral pleasure. She has never tried.
It really hurts because I now realize that I will never experience a blow job from my wife. It is hard not to wonder how a person could love someone and not want to please them. She is a great wife and a great mother but we are not lovers. I feel an emptyness that only my wife can fill.
I feel so sorry for you guys that give o pleasure to your wives, and gladly so without ever recieving it again. What happens I wonder? I too would give bj to hubby whenever at a heart beat, and do so. I actually love his tightening muscles and moans…. I have hang ups and asking him to reciprocate. Perhaps the EGO is too much of a load. My husband and I are 32 and have been married for 6yrs and have had a very good sex life average 4xWeel.
Usually I give him BJ to start the sex and when he is ready I stop and we have sex. Now When I do it and stop so we can have sex he seems really dissaponted. He give me this look like ya I guess when can we can just have sex now. Or he will insist that I keep going. We used to have very open communication about or sex life and now if I say one little thing he flips out.
Tonight I wanted to have sex and he just just kept watching TV. I ask him what was up and he said its not fare because he told me he has been wanted a BJ to completion for a month now and I still haven done it. I honestly would mind doing it if he would just show some appreciation for the rest of me and not seem like have regular sex is something he will put up with. I feel like he is super lucky that we have sex at least for days a a week.
Well now we do it everyonce and a while. I thought that once I let up off that he would be happy cause it was basically the same argument. What am I suppose to d I give an inch Nd he takes a mile nothing is ever good enough. Can someone please help? I can appreciate your situation. Sex is a very intimate subject and closely tied to our most basic inner core of our self-esteem. I hope you are able to speak to your husband about your feelings of wanting to be closer to him, how having intercourse makes you feel this way, having him perform on you, fill in the blank.
I think if you phrase it that … about your desire to be closer to him then you might break down the walls of his defenses. Wow, what an asshole. And you need to be with another man who loves getting sucked, but will always be there for your needs no matter what you fancy. A real man reciprocates, never takes and walks away. Thats a coward, and you dont need cowards in your life. You just have a horrible man. Just give a BJ to completion twice a week or more if he can handle it.
Make it romantic for you. After his shower light some candles massage his lower half and give him oral. Do this for a few months and help him get it out of his system. He is loving it so much thats why he wants that all the time. He can lie back and be completely nurtured by you and it seems he is desperately needing that from you right now, It doesnt mean your sex life will always be that way just right now he is needing to completely recieve from you and and you can always masterbate in front of him first before you blow him.
Make it all about him for a while itll work out dont worry. Let him feel worshipped by you LOL. I feel sorry for any person who thinks of oral sex as dirty or imoral.
It is a beautiful part of sex, as it was meant to be. A full sex life between two people is what holds the relationship together. Very few men would look elsewhere for sex when they have a woman who keeps herself in shape and makes sure her man is well taken care of.
Same goes for the men in the relationship. I take care of her often and enjoy it but would like it back. The she last did a full bj in when we were in college at Texas Tech in my dorm room.
Sean, I have been their, done that, and will not do it again. Bro, in order for you mantain your marriage vows, this should be the last item that you ever read regarding sex on the internet temptation, anger, and resentment are growing within you. The end of your marriage is closer that you think. Imagine if can, what sex acts did Eve perform on Adam, in order to make Adam decide to disobey God.
Same exact story as you my friend, married 9 years and 3 kids and my wife never even touched my penis. I mean never did she touch it or saw me naked in light. I please her oral sex every time we have sex. She never once touched my penis. Same exact feelings and resentment as you described. Guess what, I resent the fact that even though I am very uncomfortable receiving or giving oral sex my husband is punishing me with coldness and hatefulness, lack of intimacy, almost like living with the enemy.
SO guys this is a two way street………. And now ur mad he resents it. Ur the only wife he got. And ur gonna deny him. U are a messed up wife. He should leave you. OK, this is old as shit, but I have to say in response to your message….
You are telling us that the idea of spending a few minutes with his penis in your mouth causes you such discomfort and mental anguish that he should not ever expect it or even mention it. It proves to me that she loves me and cares about pleasing me. I am so tired of the bullshit excuses that women give.
If you loved me you would do it. Men, if you ever get that response, here is what you say. Got problems in the past related to this…give them up. When you married me you were supposed to leave that all behind.
What if I said my ex used to make me take out the trash and fix the car, and vacuum, and clean the bathroom and I hated doing it all, would that absolve me of ever having to do it again? Though many things are cited as the number 1 cause of divorce, the most likely true cause beneath all others is the following as said by a marriage counselor:.
And to be quite frank, women are most often guilty of this. The main reason is that they take on roles and responsibilities that investment in their marriages eventually comes last. And it is so deeply felt that it feels like a betrayal. She has never given me a BJ or licked my balls or even just kissed the shaft of my penis.
She thinks oral sex is disgusting.. I have tried to talk to her about it, tried to ask her why she wont do it for me and I have told her how much it would mean to me. Surely the same should apply to the good of the marriage? I have also become to resent my wife over the years because of this. I have heard that a prostate massage can be really exciting…. Do you have any suggestions? I would suggest that you say once he goes down on you then you will go down on him.
He knows you will keep your part of the bargain. You women better listen close to these threads: I could not agree more with the statement above. If you cared a lot, you would give more than you receive.
At best he will have affairs on you, and you will deserve it or he will just leave you? He may very well end up hating your guts over time for not loving and caring for him? Men are easier to take care of than a flea bitten stray mutt dog! Rub behind our ears a little and tell us you love us and we are fine! Suck us off once a week and we will think you hung the moon! I have a LOT in common with Sean. My last full blow job was in We married in In the intervening two years, she would enthusiastically go down on me for foreplay but never to completion as she did pre But after we married, the times she went down on me for foreplay slowly dwindled away to never.
I cannot remember the last time she went down on me. She practices star fish sex. I would almost be okay going down on her and foregoing everything else for it. It makes me feel rejected and unwanted. Many many many woman are very aware of the porn men watch and why they get prostitutes. Therefore many woman see blowjobs as something that whores do.
Therefore it greatly affects our self esteem and feelings of feminity to do something that we associate as whoreish and slutty and we dont want our husbands to think that way about us. We want our husbands to see us as lovely and wholesome good woman. Porn has really messed up womans self esttem. It took really thinking about this and talking with my husband about this to heal from that and be able to love and desire my husbands body and feel ok about myself for doing so.
Bring up this subject with your wife. I would love mine to be like a whole. I talked to lots of women about this and they all say the same thing. They know how important head is to a man. That makes them great women. I need to get it repaired. A man that wants a blow job nearly every man will only be happy when he gets blow jobs.
He wants to be loved and swallowed. See it like this. Hopefully you came to this site to ask that question and want an honest answer. Well you rank much lower than one that does. Why would you want to? This site asks a question are you a bad wife. You have clearly found the answers and if you refuse to accept this from the men who are the judge a woman cannot tell you you are a good wife any more than a baby can decide you are a bad parent because you give them horrible medicine.
The best judge of a good wife is a husband. If you listen to all this and still say that the husbands are wrong then please out your head in a bucket because the world around you means nothing. And another thing, why would you want your man to fantasize over someone else?
I told my husband I would be his dirty little whore in the bedroom as long as I get all the snuggling time I need after. Half an hour a day of snuggling and kissing is satisfying for me and makes me feel so loved. He agreed and said he loves snuggling and kissing me. Today he walked out to the living room naked ,I was on the computer.
I got up and started feeling him up, knelt down and gave him a long slow sucking then finished him on the bed. It was so erotic and actually incredibly romantic. This blowjob stuff is new to me and Im finding the more I do it the more I enjoy it and Ive gotten better at it. He no longer has to help me finish it, I get the job done. He needs to be lieing down on his side relaxed and able to thrust his hips in order to cum.
Im learning all these little intimate things about my man I would have never known before. Wives…dont deprive your husbands. You are all they have for the rest of their lives to experience pleasure and deep intimate love with. Dont cheat him and yourself of this erotic pleasure. Start slow like I did with just kissing and licking it. He will love it. After some time you will feel more confident and comfortable and can suck him.
I always go slowly. When he needs faster I let him thrust carefully in my mouth so I dont get tired and have to stop. Just start doing something…anything with his neglected penis. I feel so so badly now thinking of all those years I neglected my man.
He is so happy and feels so loved by me now. It melts my heart. Their is nothing dirty or disgusting about it at all. I cant hardly believe how much I enjoy iy and I use to be dead set against it. Just start giving it kisses and you will get comfortable with it I promise. You want your wife to not participate in your sex life. Pleasure, intimacy and connection have nothing to do with it. My wife gave everybody she dated blowjobs, even me and she was great at it.
I heard about how good she was before we started dating. I fell in love with her and we got married.
If you love him give him a blowjob without him asking and I bet life will get better. They like degradation and power. They just get meaner and more aggressive. I would like for this site to take a survey. How many wives discontinued giving head after they got married? H Waters, Me and my wife been together for 23 years… infidelity from both parties. Even after I thought we have worked it out I still perform oral on her, no question asked… I ask she refuse.
Hey I do not push the issue, but it is frustrating knowing that if you i. She refuse to kiss and perform oral. So I am the jerk? Based on many years of asking husbands about this I would say that most wife only suck dick when they are drunk or special occasions.
I am about to divorce my wife because after many years I cant stand to have sex with her anymore. She has let herself go, wont suck it , and I am tired of fighting off her muffin top.. I have not stopped giving my husband head after we got married.. Here boys, have at this one. A freebie for you to thumbs down. But marriage gives you that right is that it?. I think anyone male or female who thinks they have a right to receive oral sex from their partner is hopelessly out of touch.
In anticipation of your thumbs down, envision a middle finger sticking up with a long nail painted red. I agree with this. There is a woman out there for every man and a man for every woman so go find the right one not the one that just does whatever it takes to get you to marry her then change her tune.
The pseudo-feminist has spoken! If you do not like the penis, you do not like the man. It is that simple. The biological need for intercourse is related to hormones that makes you feel good. The biological need for intercourse in order to get pregnant, is nothing more then to get the child. There is no liking the man at all. They loath the man for that too.
So the act of pleasing your spouse, often comes down to the act of giving oral sex to the man, is often refused by women that hate men. They are either hard core damaged men haters, or closed lesbians. Do not get involved in their hate, and start cheating on them. They will redirect their dislike of you then to the children. And as a cheater, the kids have a reason to be upset with you. DO not step in that trap. Mentally healthy people just leave. I am a woman and I derive great pleasure not only from giving head to my husband, I genuinely like the feeling of the velvet penis on my lips.
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