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You know how damaging it can be to have a toxic person in your workplace , or in your life. Unfortunately, most of them don't come with warning labels the way toxic chemicals do.

Many of them seem very likable at first. After all, most toxic people are good manipulators , so getting you to like them is part of their toolkit. Is there a way to tell early on--ideally the first time you meet--that someone will turn out to be a toxic person? While there's no foolproof method to tell right away if a new friend or colleague will be a drag on your energy, mood, or productivity, there are some early warning signs many toxic people display.

If you encounter any of these when meeting someone for the first time--and especially if you encounter several of them--proceed with caution:. I once went for an interview at a company where the CEO told me about the deficiencies he saw in his second-in-command. That seemed like a big red flag to me, and I was right--I tried working there on a part-time basis for a couple of months but quickly left when the CEO proved much too toxic to work with.

If someone you meet criticizes or complains about a third party who isn't present, that may be a sign that you're dealing with a toxic person--and when you're not around they'll say bad stuff about you.

The exception is when the comment makes sense in context, for instance if someone criticizes the Democratic candidate when you're at a Republican fundraiser. Most toxic people are championship-level complainers. Listening to them gripe can be bad for your mood, your productivity, and maybe even your health.

Plus, if you're like many people, you're in danger of getting sucked in, trying to fix whatever they're unhappy about. That's almost always a losing proposition. So if someone starts off your acquaintance with a lot of complaining, think hard about whether you want that person and their many dissatisfactions in your life.

The person who expects you to accept their submission even though it's a day or two past the deadline. The person who absolutely must get into your event for free even though everyone else is paying admission. If someone asks you for a special favor when you've only just met, just imagine what they'll ask for once they get to know you better. If you're meeting someone for a formal or informal job interview, it's natural for them to talk about their accomplishments.

Sometimes this happens so subtly that you can't even say for sure how it was done. But you suddenly feel the need to explain to this person you've barely met why you made the choices you did, or why your organization isn't so bad after all. Someone who makes you feel like you have to constantly defend yourself, your company, or your beliefs is going to be exhausting to spend time with.

This happens to me all the time, and I bet it happens to you, too. Someone tells you they just can't find the app they need for what they want to do. Or they've put together a proposal, but it just isn't quite right. Or all their hopes ride on their child getting into that one special school. Before you know it, you're trying to write an app for them, or seeking out inside tips to improve their proposal, or calling all your friends to see if anyone you know happens to know someone on the admissions committee for the school they want.

Anyone who has you tying yourself in knots to help them when you've only just met will only manipulate you into greater and greater efforts as time goes on. And you already know they're extremely difficult to please. You've just had a minute conversation with a new acquaintance and you already know where they grew up, that they got divorced six months ago, and that they just landed a promotion.

Meantime, they don't even know where you work or what you do for a living. Someone who expects you to be interested in every aspect of their life but has zero curiosity about yours is highly likely to be a toxic person.

Be on your guard. Do a gut check. How do you feel after talking with this person? How would you feel at the prospect of, say, spending an hour with them over lunch or coffee? If spending time with someone makes you tense or unhappy, there's a decent chance that this is a toxic person. So if you feel negative, it's worth trying to figure out why. Maybe this is someone from a different culture, or you feel intimidated by their intelligence or success, in which case you should probably try to overcome your resistance.

But it could also be that this is a toxic person, and you should follow your instincts when they tell you to walk away. If you encounter any of these when meeting someone for the first time--and especially if you encounter several of them--proceed with caution: Sign up to subscribe to email alerts and you'll never miss a post.

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He meets Alaska Young who is basically the girl of his dreams. Their journey together at boar This was the first book I ever read by John Green. Their journey together at boarding school begins and John takes us on an exciting ride in which you constantly feel there is impending doom lurking ahead. I'm going to keep this review short, because so much has been said on this book.

The writing is as great as I always expect now from JG, and the story unfolds with a great pace that makes you never want to put the book down. You will probably feel some excitement, sadness, and maybe even a little anger reading this book, but I think this book will be memorable.

This is an outstanding coming-of-age novel that doesn't resort to a "happily ever after" ending, but the characters each seek closure on their own terms.

The characters are well drawn, witty, and full of individual quirks. This book also includes some fun pranks, some great humor, and some shocking turns of events. I thought that was a really neat tool that helped build suspense. Looking For Alaska is a book I still love and recommend years later, and occasionally still think about.

It remains my favorite JG book, and I would like to personally thank the person who gave me this book for introducing me to this wonderful writer. Recommend to everyone, really! View all 38 comments. This book is incredibly popular, and it's been waiting patiently in my bookshelf for at least two years now. Looking for Alaska was something in between. Miles, the main character, is as interesting and charming as toast. So are his parents, but their lack of character depth is even worse.

She is every toast-boy's fantasy, curvy, but also smart, a bookworm and feminist. Boarding school, pranks, bullies, girls with boobs, alcohol and cigarettes. Way too many cigarettes - which really annoys me. Yeah, teens smoke out of stupidity but why write about it, and, in a way, promote it.

I don't get the point. I didn't feel emotionally connected to any of the characters and this lack of feelings took away the sympathy and understanding for them. In a way, it seemed pointless. Not because it's not sad, but more because the whole novel left no impression on me. The dialogues are okay and the pranks are fun, but I don't feel like this must have been written. Find more of my books on Instagram View all 30 comments.

Nov 04, Kat Lost in Neverland rated it really liked it Shelves: First time hearing about this book; Friend online gushes on how amazing and fantabulous this book is. Okay, I'll check it out. Plus it's cool since I was born in Alaska. The book is about Alaska right? View all 11 comments. May 12, K. I belong to the generation that enjoyed St. That was shown here in the Philippines when I was in my first year of working after college and I was able to relate to many of its characters so I watched it twice or thrice.

Oh well, I was with my girlfriend then and you know how dark and cold were the theatres during those years when they were not yet inside I belong to the generation that enjoyed St. Oh well, I was with my girlfriend then and you know how dark and cold were the theatres during those years when they were not yet inside the malls.

So, now at 47, graying and with joints aching especially during cold mornings, I am just too old to appreciate a story about a bunch of young college kids who get into all troubles precisely because they are young. They drink booze, smoke, defy school rules, swear, have free sex and, in their attempt to cover their foolishness, do various kinds of franks towards the school authorities.

I definitely had my share of foolishness when I was at their age. Last Sunday, my daughter had an outburst inside the car saying that she did not have a friend at school. My daughter who was very active in school leading the Robotics Team, emceeing school programs, leading the daily prayer as one of the school DJs, being class president for at least two years and playing various kinds of sports during annual intramurals. She said that she felt alone she is an only child and she oftentimes ate lunch alone.

My wife and I felt sad about her revelations. This was something that I and my wife did not experience when we were in high school as we were low-profile people then and even now in our respective life circles.

We advised her to just make the most of what can still be done for the rest of the senior year - probably concentrate with a few friends instead of reaching out to all — as it is just 8 months before graduation.

In college, she will probably have a totally new set of friends so she can forge new ties and hope those will be stronger and more lasting. Anyway, friends come and go. Those classmates-friends we had in college tend to stick with us after our school years as we normally land in the same field or industry.

Moreover, in the end what really matter are the learnings from each friend we encounter in our lives. Learnings that help us to become better persons as we take our journey in this thing called life. John Green shows us the generation of today. His characters may not be totally different from the St. However, this is their time. Ranee for lending to me her copy of this book! View all 37 comments. Jul 01, Darth J rated it it was ok Shelves: I had been putting off reviewing this book for a while.

It also took me much longer to read than I thought it would. Having read An Abundance of Katherines and Paper Towns first, I can say that Green seems to repeat a lot of the same themes and personalities.

This may have been his first book, but it was probably my least favorite of the ones I've already read. The one thing I did like about this book and saved it from being a 1 star w I had been putting off reviewing this book for a while.

The one thing I did like about this book and saved it from being a 1 star was the bufriedo, which is a fried burrito. Feb 05, Tricia added it. This book was just too much--too much smoking, drinking, sex, and foul language. As a teenager, I hated it then and I don't want to rehash it now. I didn't care about any of the characters except Miles and I hated how he just went along with everything thrown in his path without a second thought--the smoking, drinking, porn, etc.

Aug 02, Fabian rated it really liked it. Here's me acknowledging the power of John Green. No, this one is not as bittersweet as "The Fault in Our Stars", but still, this is unputdownable supreme! Its the type of literature that gets one excited about reading, about reminiscing about adolescence and school.

To read one of his novels is to remember tha Here's me acknowledging the power of John Green. Mar 04, Sarah rated it did not like it Shelves: This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. I got 23 pages into this stink-bomb of a novel and had to put it down. This is exceedingly rare for me, but it's just that bad. Our hero, Miles Halter, is a weird, spoiled kid who likes reading the ends of biographies just to get people's last words.

He doesn't always even read the whole book, just the ending. Miles thinks this habit makes him deep. We know Miles is shallow from page 3. He's leaving his public school for a fancy boarding school, and only two friends, Marie and Will I got 23 pages into this stink-bomb of a novel and had to put it down. He's leaving his public school for a fancy boarding school, and only two friends, Marie and Will, show up to bid him adieu.

Miles does not appreciate this gesture because Marie and Will are dorks, theater geeks, and they like Jesus Christ Superstar , which Miles has somehow never heard of but already knows he doesn't like. Also, Will is fat. Luckily for Miles, he is soon to escape this hellish existence of being forced to socialize with overweight people who don't recoil like demons at the name of Jesus.

At his fancy-pants school, he meets Chip "The Colonel" his jerk of a roommate, but Chip's alright because he looks like "a scale model of Adonis" and he smokes. Then there's Takumi, who's Asian and talks with his mouth full. So far, that is all we know about Takumi, and I have a horrible feeling that that is all we will ever know about Takumi.

And then there's Alaska Young- "the hottest girl in the world" who introduces herself to Miles by gleefully recounting how she got groped by a random, randy boy over the summer. Alaska is like Miles in that she loves to read a word which here means "parse, but pretend to have read the whole thing" big nonfiction books.

Usually girls who like this kind of reading don't boast about their sexual exploits, because they are mature enough not to have any. They also don't drink, smoke, or partake of drugs. But to paraphrase Gandalf at the edge of Mirkwood, this is the John Green-verse, a world that only appears similar to ours, and we're in for all kinds of fun wherever we go. Chip gives Miles the nickname "Pudge" because Miles is skinny.

Green clearly expects us all to be rolling in the aisles over this one. Green's expectations are way off. The night before school begins, Miles gets abducted from his room while Chip is out. The boys who take him make him a duct tape mummy and throw him in a pond, an ordeal which he miraculously survives. These three guys tried to murder him, but they were thin and attractive and didn't say anything about Jesus, so we're cool.

I neither know nor care what happens after this point. Then Alaska goes drunk-driving and dies, prompting an existential crisis on the part of her friends, who wonder if the car crash was a purposeful suicide.

They market this book to kids as young as twelve. John Green is not a particularly good writer, despite what you might have heard.

His prose isn't bad, but it's hardly the ambrosial poetry it's been marketed as. The supposedly deep thoughts of the kids are clearly tacked on - it's not natural for Alaska to go from "OMG he honked my boob" her words, not mine to "General Bolivar wondered 'How will I ever get out of this labyrinth? Nobody on Earth thinks, acts, or talks like this. Green clearly fancies himself a great sage of adolescence, and his characters worthy to keep the company of the best YA protagonists.

What he doesn't realize is that the great characters are great because they're not sold to the reader as perfect; rather, they are shown to be real kids with flaws and virtues. But unlike them, she learns the value of temperance, sacrifice, and humility. But unlike Green's nihilistic dramatis personae, Anne believes fervently in Goodness - not just in God, while that's big, but in the inherent potential of every human being.

She also recognizes her mistakes and learns from them. He collects bugs, and he could probably have a good conversation with Miles and Alaska about famous last words and grain elevators. Eustace looks down on his cousins the Pevensies, whom he perceives as stupid, and he keeps a journal, wherein he is the only smart or sane person in a sea of idiots who enjoy the outdoors and talk about Aslan Christ Superstar.

Eustace basically is a Green hero at the start of The Voyage of the Dawn Treader , but Lewis sees him as he is - utterly insufferable. What a pity no one could turn Miles Halter into a dragon; it might have been a character-building experience. She never even really recognizes how different she is from the children around her. She's nine when the story ends, but she's far more mature than Miles or any of his friends.

She doesn't degrade the people around her. She just wants to save her family. The last two examples are from a movie and a TV show, but they're still light-years ahead of anybody in a Green book. The Novelization fancies herself a genius, who's so much better than her peers that she'd rather do one-person plays in the park than interact with other high school kids. She quickly learns that she's not nearly as grown-up as she thought she was, and that by living mentally in a fantasy world, she almost lost her baby brother and got embroiled in a relationship with a rather unstable man that neither she nor he was ready for.

Sarah becomes mature when she admits her immaturity. Green's people don't think they have anything to learn. The Complete Scripts, Volume 1 are strange, maladjusted, and alienated from the mainstream like Green's kids are - but in realistic ways. Some of them are drug-addled partiers, others are readers and perceivers. The writers of the show understood that a wild girl like Kim Kelly, who boasts of her Maenadish adventures just like Alaska, would not enjoy reading, while a bright kid like Lindsay Weir would try pot and skipping school, but feel the whole time like she was betraying herself.

Green just amalgamates incompatible personality traits without a shred of realism. That's not even getting into the zig-zagging language of the book. Green drops heavy swear words frequently, but thinks the reader needs every bit of real information spelled out for them.

At the end of chapter 1, Miles explains to his parents who Francois Rabelais was, despite the fact that his dad owns the book about Rabelais that Miles read. This unnatural dialogue reveals how dumb Green thinks his readers are. It would have been better for Miles-as-narrator to step away from the scene and explain Rabelais briefly to the reader.

Believe it or not, kids, there was a time when novelists knew you were smart enough to use an encyclopedia!

And what of the gratuitous crudity and innuendo in this book? Alaska is utterly objectified. The first time we meet her, she's bragging about getting felt up. To a pair of boys, no less, one of whom she doesn't even know. When she's having a supposedly deep conversation by the pond with Miles, he's more focused on her curves, which he describes over and over again in detail, than in anything she's saying.

It's the Male Gaze Run Amok. I understand that men are easily distracted by the bodies of women, especially women as beautiful as we're told Alaska is.

But Miles is so filled with lust for her that it's uncomfortable to read about. If I have to read about men looking at women and being horny, I'll stick with Ovid.

He can get disgusting, but he's a far superior writer to Green in any translation, and at least in Ovid many of the women do not seek to be objectified.

Also, Metamorphoses boasts such niceties as symbolism, flashes of genuine humor, and explosions. All in all, this is a terrible book which somehow won awards and gained its author a huge, worshipful following. He has since rewritten it many times, changing the characters' names and tweaking the subject matter slightly. All his books pretend to be profound when they're really just paeans to narcissism, nihilism, and bad decisions.

His fans gobble this stuff up because it makes them feel special and unique without challenging them to change their lives or examine their characters. Worse, Green's genre can be a slippery slope to other "profound" YA novels such as the potentially harmful Thirteen Reasons Why , which in light of its alarmingly popular Netflix adaptation will soon be getting a review from me.

In short, don't give this man your money, time or brain cells. View all 52 comments. We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. We think that we are invincible because we are.

I couldn't put it down - just like i expected. John Green is seriously talented, and even though i don't like this book as much as i love his " The Fault in Our Stars ", it was still wonderful book. I have to admit that i was o Final rating: I have to admit that i was on verge of crying on almost every page from the "After" part. And then, in the end, i did cry a little. Let out a tear or two But, it was beautiful ending, and i loved it: I liked Miles a lot, he was cool, interesting and nice Colonel, on the other hand, was fantastic character, crazy, with strong personality Takumi was great too, even though i wished there was more of him; Lara was here and there, likeable and cute girl and in the end we have Alaska Alaska is a different story Sure, she may be crazy and she might be awesomely defensive of womankind, but overall i didn't feel much about her.

But, she was still loveable. She didn't even glance at me. She just smiled toward the television and said, 'You never get me. That's the whole point. When we are with friends But some stories finish before we even blink. View all 47 comments. Jun 14, Madeline rated it it was amazing Shelves: He meets a girl, who is your typical Manic Pixie Dream Girl, except on crack. Boy obsesses over Girl, Girl does not give much of a damn. Girl is impulsive and difficult to understand and shows many signs of being mentally unbalanced, but Boy does not care because she is hot.

Story continues in this vein for a while, and then Girl does something that causes all hell to break loose, goes totally off the rails, and Boy is left to pick up the pieces and continue worshipping Girl, although not quite in the same way he did before.

Katherine I is mostly normal, although still a constant source of mystery and worship. Margot Roth Speigleman is Alaska Young on medication.

And Alaska Young is But the second you get close to them, they grab you and drag you under the water and drown you. Alaska Young is a mermaid. He falls, hard, for Alaska and bravely endures her ups and downs, and he suffers for it along with everyone else who was foolish enough to fall in love with her. She stubbornly remains a mystery throughout the book, refusing to explain her actions or moods, and this continues to the moment when she drives off campus, drunk and raging, and ends up driving her car straight into a police car the siren was on, the lights flashing that was parked on the highway at an accident site.

She is killed instantly, and even after her death Miles and his friends continue to be consumed by her. The thing I love about John Green and the reason this gets five stars, despite my griping is the way he writes about emotions. I cannot stop thinking that she is dead, and I cannot stop thinking that she cannot possibly be dead.

People do not just die. It is so cold today — literally freezing — and I imagine running to the creek and diving in headfirst, the creek so shallow that my hands scrape against the rocks, and my body slides into the cold water, the shock of the cold giving way to numbness, and I would stay there In all the Before sections, it just felt like the characters were stalling for time, waiting for that inevitable disaster to happen.

Once it does, I suddenly became completely invested in the book and decided that I needed to give it five stars. And if Alaska took her own life, that is the hope I wish I could have given her. Forgetting her mother, forgetting her friends and herself — those are awful things, but she did not need to fold into herself and self-destruct.

Those awful things are survivable, because we are as indestructible as we believe ourselves to be. We thinks that we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born, and we cannot die. Like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations. They forget that when they get old. They get scared of losing and failing. But part of us greater than the sum of our parts cannot begin and cannot end, and so it cannot fail. I think she did it on purpose. I think she meant to do it. Whilst dicking around on tumblr, I found a snippet of a poem by Warsan Shire and I had to post it at the end of this review, because I think it perfectly expresses what Alaska would say if she were allowed to tell this story in her own words, and it also illustrates what John Green fails to understand about his Manic Pixie Dream Girl obsession: View all 25 comments.

I first read this book in when I was 14 and it turned out to be the book that sparked my love for literature. I've always loved reading, but before that I only read for the sake of entertainment.

Looking for Alaska was the first book that I thoroughly enjoyed reading, but that simultaneously and more importantly, made me think about greater issues in life for a long time after I had finished reading.

Now that I'm 21, I understand that while this remains to be a highly philosophical book, it's I first read this book in when I was 14 and it turned out to be the book that sparked my love for literature.

Now that I'm 21, I understand that while this remains to be a highly philosophical book, it's not the "deepest" and most perfect book ever. However, it still means the world to me and I'll always be thankful for John Green for writing it. Aug 22, kat rated it really liked it. View all 8 comments. Apr 26, Kristopher Jansma rated it liked it Shelves: I've been getting in touch with my inner Young Adult this week, in preparation for yet another final rewrite on my own YA book. This has, for the most part, amounted to listening to Death Cab for Cutie and reading Looking for Alaska - a book that I have been actively avoiding.

The story of this is long and somewhat personal, so feel free to skip this part if you just want to know if the book is good. I first heard of Looking for Alaska in my thesis workshop, when a girl very snidely told me I'd h I've been getting in touch with my inner Young Adult this week, in preparation for yet another final rewrite on my own YA book. I first heard of Looking for Alaska in my thesis workshop, when a girl very snidely told me I'd have to take out part of my own book because it sounded very similar to this book she'd heard about on NPR, which had not even come yet out at that point.

Stubbornly I refused to cut the section and even read it at my thesis reading and when Alaska finally did come out, I flipped through just enough of it to decide my book was way better and then abandoned it. Sadly, Alaska has dogged me ever since. Agents and editors alike have told me that my book is too similar to it - which is apparently not a good thing - despite Alaska having won a number of awards and such.

Anyway, sour grapes aside, I decided that if the comparisons are inevitable, I might as well know what I'm being held up against. So what do the young adults of this world really want? And a stiff drink or twelve.

Looking for Alaska is about normal, skinny Miles Halter, quickly nicknamed Pudge, who gets into Culver Creek Boarding School and leaves in search of something more interesting.

His quirky personality trait is that he memorizes the famous last words of various historical figures - a party trick that he uses to successfully get in with his roommate, who goes by "the Colonel" and the smoky little sexpot down the hall, Alaska Young. Wait, you might be saying, what's with all these funny nicknames? They were talking about sports and video games, and the girls were talking about friends and the drama that was going on between them.

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This isn't some clever "system. You're going to be ten times more effective in every kind of social interaction, and you'll seem more natural doing it with these tips than you will when you feel like you're "forcing" a conversation now.

No more "buts," and no more Mr. Are you ready to learn the communication strategies of confident men? Learn the Art of Conversation and Persuasion with Women -- or anyone!

I need to tell you something important First of all, imagine this situation: There you are, standing at the bar with a woman you just met. You've been chatting for about the last ten minutes, and you're finding her more and more interesting by the second.

You'd love to ask her out, but after you got done talking about your vacation to Hawaii, and her job as a corporate headhunter, your conversation has been drying up Even worse - you feel the fear starting to burn in your stomach like a hot coal.

And before you know it, you're sitting in one of those long uncomfortable silences where she stares around the bar, and you're kicking yourself because you don't know what to say to keep it going Have you ever been in that situation? How about this one: You're at a party, talking to a group of people. One guy tells the group a joke, and everyone is laughing hysterically. Then, you remember a funny story, and you jump in, hoping to ride the good energy along.

Only when you get done with your story, you only get a polite chuckle from a few people, and then the subject changes to something else. Then you start to feel like you missed something. And without knowing how it happened, you start to feel slightly embarrassed You're out at happy hour with a mixed group of friends, and a male friend of one of them just happens to show up and join you. This guy seems to have all the right things to say.

He's got wit, style, and interesting stories that keep everyone listening to his every word. After just a few minutes of hanging out with your group, he's got them eating from the palm of his hand. When he goes off to get a drink, you notice that a few of the women are still smiling, and as he turns his back, they look at each other, signaling something between them.

You're not sure what it is, but you have the sinking sensation that they're both attracted to him and interested in him Suddenly you feel pushed into "the forgotten zone," where no one seems to notice you the same way they did before However, if you feel like you're at a disadvantage when you're talking with other people - your girlfriend, your family, your boss - ANYONE - then you need to know this, too: You can put an end to the frustration, and develop your social skill to massive levels of success - and I'm going to show you how in this article.

You can have conversations that are long, strong, and motivate people to like you and trust you You can create conversations that bristle with energy and draw people to you like a magnet You need to have conversations that you can change and calibrate to any situation What you want is Let's cover each of these, so I can explain how this works for you Here's how I've seen the best conversationalists do it: Now, after you start to feel like you can talk to just about anyone The same goes for you , too.

But if that same customer service person just said: This might sound so simple that you'll probably ignore it. You must feel SAFE Have you ever talked with someone that was very warm and friendly, and you found yourself really drawn into the conversation with them?

They made you feel safe in their presence. Here's what I do that works like a champ I will tell them about my "personal philosophy" of life. Now, I want to talk to you about something very important. Do you know how to talk to large groups so that your ideas are heard, your influence is felt, and your power and authority is understood and accepted?

Do you want to be funnier and develop your sense of humor so that people think of you as fun to be around? Do you feel like you know how conversations really work from the inside out? Do you understand how people are motivated and why they say the things they do? Do you know how to know how to write emails more effectively to get women interested when you're dating online?

Do you know how to use personality reading techniques to get faster understanding of people and build rapport in minutes instead of HOURS? Do you know which topics that are guaranteed to start a good, long conversation? Do you know how to be memorable to anyone you meet within the first 30 seconds? These are the essential skills that some guys got naturally, and maybe you once had and lost. Or maybe you never had them at all. I was usually afraid of: Saying something dumb and having everyone think I was an idiot Saying something wrong and having everyone think I was clueless Not knowing what to say when someone was insulting me or giving me a hard time Feeling weird, embarrassed, and inferior when I was talking in a group of people Or sometimes I'd just be afraid that everyone in my group would just forget me or push me into the background.

And a lot of the time, that really did happen. I had certain friends that would grab the biggest share of the conversation and then proceed to hog it all when they could. And I would feel like I was just another spectator. After a while, though, I learned some techniques that helped me build up my ability to talk with people, and handle any situation they threw at me. Fast-forward a few years and you would see a very different guy than the one who couldn't even get a word in on the side without looking like a complete dork.

Let me show you Not seeing or noticing the right "vibe" in the conversation. Holding back on revealing your personality. Trying too hard to be noticed or "important" in the conversation. It's been said that we are often more scared of losing something than we are of not getting something.

This is VERY true when it comes to attention. In our desperate attempts to not be "forgotten" and pushed to the back of a conversation, we sometimes say anything to make sure that we're not left out. It's a painful feeling when you realize that other people are not paying attention to you. Feeling ignored just sucks, no matter how you look at it. So it's no surprise that many guys will go to extreme lengths to avoid this happening to them. Some of the ways that guys try too hard are: Bragging Talking out of turn, or interrupting Being too obnoxious or abrasive Using humor inappropriately - such as telling a dirty joke It's essential that you don't fall victim to this urge to jump around and wave your hands - saying "Look at me!

The next mistake is Being sarcastic and negative. Not having the ability to steer the conversation to a meaningful goal And you can control that. I'm sure you've experienced this as well. Can you imagine the magnetic quality this will have for you with women? With everyone you come in contact with?

And YOU can be one of them. Some of the benefits you'll enjoy when you have better conversational skills are: Better relationships with your family Faster attraction and intimacy with women More deeper and meaningful communication Increased sense of independence and personal power More effective social skills and influence Better relationships and results at work The fact is, you CANNOT afford to neglect your conversation and communication skills.

When you're in a conversation , do you ever feel like you're being poked fun at - and the second you try to point out what they're doing, they manage to "get nice" again and avoid any blame? Do you have a method to avoid this kind of treatment? When you're talking to a woman , do you ever find yourself in a situation where you know you've met a high-quality woman and you don't want to mess it up, but you can't find the words to form a real connection between you and her?

And the more you try, the more you sense she starts to pull away, as if you're just coming at it from the wrong direction? You're in an intense conversation with your boss over a project , and you know you're right. Then he pulls out his Wild Card excuse on you and says you should just do what he says to avoid making waves.

Do you give in and go along, or do you know how to turn him around and get him to see that your way is the right way? You're talking to your mom , and you're doing your best to pay attention and appear sincerely interested. After just ten seconds of talking, your mind starts to wander, and instantly she says: You're in a group of friends and you crack a joke that's a little edgy. A few people laugh, but most of them appear uncomfortable.

Do you let the moment pass and try to explain it to them later one-on-one, or is there something you can say right now that would be smooth things over and fix the situation?

Your girlfriend takes offense to something you said and blows up like a grenade. Should you A push back with just as much yelling and anger to put her in her place, or B let her get her way now, and then hope she relaxes later and comes around? Obviously neither one is the optimum strategy, but do you know how to read her and recognize the conflict so that you can avoid it in the first place?

All of these situations require slightly different conversation skills to manage, yet most of us just use the same old reactions we've used since we were kids, and we only manage to succeed the way we wanted in a few of these situations instead of almost every time. We discover that we really don't have the level of control and persuasive influence in conversations that we want.

Know when someone's lying to you. Concepts - Inner Game The most important advantage in conversation - and how you can seize it to have the upper hand Your single biggest obstacle in conversation - and how you can overcome it and be free of this "anchor" that's dragging you down What you MUST know about using pre-rehearsed "scripts" and "patterns" to assist you with your ability in conversation with women The 1 rule of conversation - and why you must obey it if you ever want to succeed in developing rapport and trust in your social circle The difference between good and bad conversations - and how you stay out of the "bad"ones once and for all How to destroy effective communication - and chances are you are already making these mistakes!

The complete Architecture and Structure of conversations so that you can know how to talk to anyone in the right way The most important taks you have to perform in a conversation so that the other person pays attention - and you get the results you want The secret factor you must manage when you're in a conversation with someone so that they trust you and relate to you - almost as if they've known you forever The first big question of all communication that you must answer - or the other person will lose their interest in a matter of minutes The 5 Positive Traits you need for flexibility in conversation so that you are not caught off guard and can "flow" with the talk The key to developing massive confidence in conversation so that the other people respect and listen to you The "That's Great" strategy for re-framing and keeping a positive attitude - for REAL - and being much more optimistic no matter what life throws at you The one reason most guys cannot stay positive and - and you can change this in just 10 minutes!

The 8 Golden Rules of Communication The fastest method to make a new friend - in just minutes How to use your "emergency chute" in a conversation to manage anxiety, stay relaxed, and not lose your confidence The question you must answer in every communication of persuasion to be a success How to talk to your boss to get what you want - from a raise, to a better project, to a promotion Examples of woman's tests in conversation - and how most guys fail them miserably How a woman uses "absolutes" and the mistake you must avoid making when she does this to you Anatomy of an Alpha Conversation with a woman - dissecting a conversation so you know what works and what doesn't How to use the power of "rhetoric" to get a discount in sales situations The single factor most important to your financial success in life, and how to use it How to take control of words instead of letting them control you The Alpha Man Conversation Strategy that any man can put into practice right away for more powerful and effective conversation with anyone, anywhere Examples of powerful communication words you should use to maximize your impact in conversation and trigger the subconscious emotions that motivate us How to "manage results" to win in any interaction with someone How to demonstrate powerful Charisma in communication so that your personality stands out and sticks in their mind The 5 essential qualities of charisma you need to have The most important ingredient for communicating with Charisma with other people What all men and women want to get from conversations that you must provide to stick out in their minds The 6 Secret Traits of a good conversationalist that you must use in every exchange Understanding the 4 basic personality types in depth so that you can know their secret motivations and know how to talk to them in their own emotional "language The number one indicator of longevity in relationships - and how you can use this to make the kind of relationship you desire The 4 Hidden Communication Zones - and why you must excel in ALL of them if you're going to persuade and influence others The 14 Human motivators in conversation - these are the secret "hot buttons" we all have that you must understand and use, or others will use yours!

Using the power of a "Unique Experience" for a powerful conversation that the other person will never forget How to set yourself apart from others and be different - in the right way - and be memorable The types of people that will stifle your creative identity - and how to identify them before they impact your life How to remove anxiety from conversations and relax - creating a bubble of comfortable space that releases your thoughts to be creative and fun - and make fun conversations How to Fall into a "Safe Zone" in all conversations so that you remain cool and collected - no matter what is going on around you The 10 Minute Process to control your thinking and stop all the crazy static in your head How to use storytelling effectively to communicate your personality and your accomplishments to others How to distribute your attention in groups conversations so that no one is neglected and everyone is paying attention to you The Single Biggest mistake most guys make in storytelling - and how you can avoid this fatal error Mark Twain's storytelling example How to Manage your internal dialogue and stop the conflicting and paralyzing messages that your brain tries to trick you with Improve your Listening Skills in less than 5 minutes The secret ingredient that makes someone more interested in you than your words you're speaking The places where listening works best - and when it doesn't Sensing the non-verbals - reading body language so that you know what a person is REALLY thinking and not saying in the conversation Deaf Spots in Conversation - and how they destroy your communication skills and rapport instantly How to use "reprocessing" to double your comprehension and memory retention How to gather keywords to generate new conversational topics and keep a conversation going as long as you want it to Effective body language in communication - how to demonstrate good communication physically Conversational lubricants you can use to help un-stick your talk and help the other person express their thoughts The single most important question to ask yourself that clarifies all your communications intentions How to communicate with your family effectively and stop them from irritating the hell out of you - start getting the respect you deserve from the people you love How you're setting yourself back even further in your communication style without even being aware of it How to talk to people in authority so that you can be "diplomatic" AND get treated fairly How to handle knowledge and expertise authority in a way that doesn't raise their hackles and create friction How to handle police officers in the right way so that you don't get on their "bad side" How to get out of traffic tickets - this one will save you the more than your license when you get into a jam How to handle your Boss to get what you want - without any butt-kissing or office politics How to Communicate your passions to a woman to establish a powerful sense of rapport and connection that she will fight to keep Carlos' exclusive Animal Question to evoke a woman's sensual and physical involvement in the conversation The Secret Weather Report Technique to explore a woman's emotional state and get her to open up to you in a way that she rarely does to a man The 4 Elementary levels to reach a woman's heart and bypass her rational thinking How to turn a woman's test questions into your benefit without creating a war of wills The top 6 test questions a woman will hit you with and the best responses to make sure you answer them all dead-on correct Top 10 Responses to the question women ask and men fear most: How to impress a woman in conversation - without bragging or other counter-productive methods that most guys use incorrectely How to effectively open and tease women in conversation so that you energize the interaction and establish a sexual overtone What teasing communicates to a woman - and how it works to unlock her inner restraints - lowering her defenses Example teasing interaction to understand how this kind of banter works Why "Energy Escalation" is vitally important in communicating with women and starting attraction with her that burns out of control The one thing you must do to a beautiful women to attract her on the first meeting - and if you miss this you'll probably end up with just another uninterested friend Notorious Dialogue example of how banter works in a masculine interaction How to close out your banter so you don't lose her attraction by dropping the energy How to get the woman to help you keep the conversation going instead of always being the one to feel the pressure How and why you must demonstrate uniqueness in conversation The difference between the "Lame" introduction and Alpha Introduction - with example How to build massive, iron-clad rapport with women that keeps them interested in you more powerfully than any other "pickup" technique you will find How to "Induce Familiarity" with a woman so that she treats you like someone she's trusted for years How to use specific words to gain familiarity with another person by triggering their sense of comfort and natural trust How to demonstrate rapport contact in unfamiliar situations so that you can avoid the "nervous jitters" of being the "stranger The impact of language on experience - understanding why NLP is the most essential skill for human interaction The secret power of choice and behavior in social communications How to tap into Emotional Meanings to persuade others and influence them The 6 Pillars of NLP explained - learn the basics and foundations of this communications science in just 10 minutes How to use the power of evoking states to change people's emotions and improve the social "vibe The detailed technique for eliciting states in people so that you understand their motivation and desires Detailed examples of building suggestive and emotionally powerful language that helps people see their own needs The Hidden Architecture - building your own power phrases that impact people on a deep emotional level Over 40 Examples of introductions to open up a woman's awareness and receptivity The five primary sensory systems and their NLP applications - learn how to use our senses to communicate more effectively Characteristics of the primary modalities - how to spot them in people so that you can determine the most effective communications Understanding someone's communication style by spotting their choice of words The Car Question Technique to discover a woman's communication style - and how to use this with anyone I send you and your family heartfelt good wishes.

Found your blog last night. What not to say to people with cancer, how to talk to kids, needing a friend to listen and not give advice, and everything is important. My daughter had thyroid cancer five years ago and I had a double masectomy with stage one breast cancer. I just want to keep moving forward. I liked that you send the kids on vacation so they know they can still find happiness during hard times. Keep writing, I know you are helping many people.

By now we all […]. I wish it was a shorter distance between the knowledge that what people say is mostly about them in general, not only cancer and letting yourself forget the insensitive nonsense. May we be free. Cancer is a horrible and I would not wish it on my worst enemy.

When the diagnosis came I was terrified and my world stopped. Some caring people did say some things that were not helpful. I realized then and there that just because my world was dark did not mean theirs was. And that I needed to get over myself and value their offerings, knowing that they were given with the best of intentions. I am no better than anyone else. Suffering and misery surround the human race. Dealing with life threatening illness is hard, yes.

But people do it everyday with grace and dignity. Those with cancer who are easily offended and angry at others for not saying the right thing are shooting at the wrong target.

This is so great. My husband has had brain cancer, glioblastoma multiforme grade 4, for nearly 6 years. I just had an exchange with an internet idiot — I said I might not be able to do something in July because my husband had been very ill for a long time. After asking me to let her know in advance? I could have killed her. She then told me what a nice person she was. I wish she could read this before she shoves both feet in her mouth again. My husband has heard most of them.

They just talk to people. You may have cancer right now. Thank you so very much everyone! Thank you for sharing your heartfelt stories. Thank you for being so generous. I had dinner last week with a friend—not a close friend; we used to volunteer together—and I felt nothing I said or did was right. I did NOT want to interrogate him. I did ask when chemo begins because he said it was soon. I was not trying to tell him he would survive or not survive his cancer based on my daughter.

He interrupted me and told me how tired he was of people mentioning their friends and relatives who have cancer and then he lectured me on how no two cancers were alike.

I had no intention of comparing. I just kept saying how very sorry I was for what he had to go through. He would say, oh, you have NO idea. And I said nothing is wrong, I just feel bad you have to go through this. He said, why do you feel bad? I just wanted to help in some way, and when he asked me to have dinner with him, I jumped at the chance to cheer him up in some way.

I can also say that I tried so damn hard to say and act the best way to help, but nothing I did was right. I felt funny changing the topic to current events or entertainment as he seemed to want to talk about how rough his cancer had been.

I felt that was fine, that he needed to talk and I was glad to be able to let him. His appetite is pretty bad and messed up, so nothing that his friends have done for him about food bringing food has worked out too well.

I hope my presence next time I see him boosts his spirits more. You tried very hard to think of his needs and if you failed to nail it on the head with the perfect words, you have to let it go. Yolanda, It sounds like you did your very best to be a good listener and friend.

For all you know, he told you more than he has shared with anyone else! Perhaps he spoke with you more about his struggles than he is able to to other people who are closer to him- after all, western society has this idea that men should be strong, and not feel pain, or sadness, or depression.

There is always somebody who is suffering more- imagine going through a major medical challenge without to medicine, pain relief or even basic care!

There are thousands of people each day that suffer more than I do. While I do feel I have a right to discuss my illness, and to vent about my frustration and suffering, I do NOT have the right to expect that people will join me there. I would much rather they heard about it, listened, and then move on to other things. You cannot be responsible for the feelings of others. If someone is determined to be a martyr, there is nothing you can do about it. You did very well, and I would hope that he recognizes that you listened very well.

Feeling better takes effort, mental energy, and focus. Others can support him- but he needs to do the work himself. Keep listening, and keep the line as open as you are able to healthily handle never sacrifice your mental health for the sake of another. For your sake, let go of his poor reaction last night- for all you know, he thinks you were very compassionate, an amazing listener, and he feels a huge burden lifted! I think one thing that many friends forget is that they make the mistake of feeling responsible somehow.

You are not responsible for his happiness, nor his pain. The only thing you can be responsible for is yourself. You know you did your best, and you were kind and a good friend.

Of course, there are times when one friend is supporting another more, but it cannot be sustained like that indefinitely. It sounds to me like you did a lovely job. Best of luck to your friend, and to you. Remember that you are no good to your family and friends if you always give to others, and never to yourself. We usually treat other people far better than we treat ourselves.

We have to give ourselves some kindness and compassion, and forgive ourselves. I hope that you are well. I suspect that your friend is at a point where it truly is really difficult for him.

You said that his appetite is pretty bad and messed up, so that says a lot. If not when you have cancer, then when? Maybe the reason he could only talk about is how rough his cancer is, is because it really is rough. I find that sometimes the best thing we can do is listen when someone we know is going through such a difficult time. We may not understand, but do we really have to? Just standing by someone through tough times is what counts, in my opinion.

To expect someone to cheer up during such an immense challenge, is sort of like dismissing the fact that something very difficult is going on. Shoot, one person told me to stop calling it cancer. Do I call it a pimple? But I was dealing with some very tough stuff, and was very sick and fatigued much of the time.

My life was on hold while I dealt with the cancer and the side effects of treatment, and afterwards to deal with how it changed me, my body and my life going forward. Everyone is differrent in how they react to tragedy, and they just let me be whatever I really was at the time.

My best advice is to stop trying to find the perfect words, and stop expecting things to be perfect in such an imperfect situation. There may be a day in the future for rainbows and bunny rabbits for your friend.

Helen, you have misunderstood me. NOT a world of bunny rabbits and rainbows. I was quiet, I listened, I did not offer advice, I certainly did not tell him stories of people who had survived, or who had not. I did not try to make him feel HE should act or be anything other than what he wanted to be or feel.

I was only trying to help from the perspective of a cancer survivor. That truly was not my intention. I suppose you are right though. If you did your best, then you did your best.

So maybe we can agree to misunderstand each other or see things differently. She speaks very well about it, and I think it would be very helpful to you. They seem sound to me. My friend has recently been going through chemotherapy and it is hard to now how to help best. But you practical advice really does help. Lisa; How great that someone has posted what NOT to say for someone with cancer of any sort. My husband turned 50 the day he had his port placed for chemo for B-Cell lymphoma.

We have, then an 11 yr old son and a 7 yr old daughter. My mother and father both passed of cancer and needless to say I was not happy to deal with another diagnosis. If the religious thing can be brought up, sometimes…. There are many verses in the Bible that explain Heaven very clearly and the description of what it will be like that make the image quite a peaceful amazing destination.

In the end, no matter what, peaceful helps everything. My husband is cancer free as of today 1 year later. It is a sucky journey no matter what cancer anyone has……love people that have it…. She has Stage IV breast cancer and she has been dealing with her illness for quite some time. My niece has cancer and has had 3 chemotherapy treatments — she is to have a hysterectomy next Tuesday — which is her birthday — nice present, eh?

I have a very good friend who has been by my side during this difficult time. I have now started the reconsrtuctive phase.

My surgery 11 hours was February 4th, She gets her results tomorrow and the fear that is with in me is so great. This blog has helped me in so many ways. There are so many things on here that yes I wish others had read before trying to be perfect in how to handle me and my diagnoses. I have read all the so called mistakes that people with good intentions made.

Despite my own journey with Cancer there has been great advise on here that I will follow in helping my friend through her darkest days. I will make this about her journey and not about mine. A young widow, only Although I do have any idea in the back of my mind to be gone in basically the same timeframe…he past 8 days after his 53 birthday. I DO have that date on my calendar as in 8 days after my 53 we;ll see.

I have never experienced loneliness, solitary confinement and extreme sadness as I have these past 18 months. To all the people out there who want to help their friends, family, etc…. Genuinely say that you are so sorry and hug them tightly. That is ALL we need.

But WE do need help-honest reliable help-even better if everyone who truly cared could call in a favor of someone they know in a trade type business and help us with our household and try to put it back together again. People WANT to pass in their own beds, own home —everyday! He would not do that to me. Personally, I find comfort in my home. SO- to anyone out there really wanting to help…consider my thoughts of simple sorry and meaningful hug and call in some favors to help with the enormous job of putting a home and perhaps a life back in order.

Maybe try to think about what YOU would do if it was your situation? Just something to think about. Because that sort of phrase is over-used and very predictable. I want to make him laugh and smile, not to make him feel worse. He can just tell. He can read my mind. I love that he can do that. And about the bit where you mention people going silent on you, or avoiding you because of your husbands death, I find it rude that they left you alone to grieve. The least they could have done was pay you a visit to check that you were alright.

I, too, feel robbed of time, because I feel I have a time limit on the days left with my man. He is it for me. Please note that Lisa passed away in March I know many sites link to this post, but please read the home page before commenting.

Obviously, her family has either chosen to leave it open, or not yet had the opportunity to close commenting. Her legacy is obviously a strong one. So sorry to hear that Lisa has passed away. He is 25 years old.. God Speed Lisa, and bless you for being so honest and writing this blog! But there IS room for more hugs than usual. Being close to them has proven difficult but i have always resulted in praying for them and encouraging them when the opportunity rises.

Its also good to understand their emotions and reassure them of your friendship. The most important thing you can do is mention the situation in some way that feels comfortable for you. Sometimes the simplest expressions of concern are the most meaningful. And sometimes just listening is the most helpful thing you can do. I do have a stage 4 cousin. I recently saw her.. Now when we parted i hugged her and told that i love her.

I must assume from your name just another mindless Internet troll. This is to the general public my name is chief Dr benson mike I am a doctor with a big clinic I had be going through the internet and I saw many people that die of cancer every day so I decide to look for the treatment of Cancer and I found the treatment though the help of a great spell caster so I want to share this to the general public that anybody with cancer should apply, so if you are interested contact me on my email bensonmike gmail.

I think half the time we are just so lost for words. We think because someone talks to us that we have to respond back with something common. But that is OK. Better to say nothing or very little then to say way too much. Now, because I knew her before diagnosis, I was able to see how the cancer had taken a toll on her.

Without her even trying, she wore her head scarf like a badge of honor. I would choke up with pride for her. Your comment sounded very relatable, because my boyfriend also has his own swag, like that woman you mention. Then I gave him a cheeky wink. Mum has terminal cancer and I nearly punched her friends today who came to visit. I could have had a tick list…. They is obviously have no clue at all…thank you for your post its given us a laugh reading on what people say!

I know that Lisa has passed away and will not be able to read this comment but I do want to let her family know — most especially her children — that she continues to help others who are dealing with cancer as well as those who have a loved one courageously battling the disease. I found out yesterday that one of my best friends of over 20 years was given two weeks to live. I panicked, not knowing what to say or how I should act around him. As expected, there was!

We may have a link trade agreement among us. I require an expert in this space to resolve my problem. Maybe that is you! Taking a look forward to see you. Not minimizing what the person is going through is so important. Thanks for your article and the advice within it, my sister-in-law had breast cancer and a double Mast. I had someone VERY close to me tell me that I wanted the cancer diagnosis so I could lie around and do nothing all the time.

Now, after five months of treatment and lying around doing nothing, that comment haunts me. You can be lazy and still not get cancer. People, even those close to you, will say the stupidest things. Your person sure did. Best tweet by travisbhartwell: Thank you for this post. Just read your beautiful article… Very helpful when dealing with uncomfortable situations of not knowing what to say… Well said.. Sounds like you ARE a miracle!

Even my Twin sister was not supportive… Its going to take a long time before I can forgive her. And, when i do, i will nerver forget how curel she was. I now realize why I desperately needed her support. She is supportive with other people so I know she can do it. I even asked her if she could please write these 6 words on a piece of paper.

I told her they were 6 magical words. And when people say them and mean them, everything becomes better. She laughs and said I will not do it. After I begged and pleaded, she finally wrote them down. She only said them once to me, laughing as she said them.. I fell into a deep deep depression.

My doctor told my husband to take care of all my medication because I became suicidal. My husband told my twin sister what he and the doctors concerns were. She said, yeah I know, so what do you want me to do about it, it has nothing to do with me…my husband said, she needs your HELP…. I was devastated when I heard those words. From that moment I was no longer going to allow her to hurt me…part of me died that day and I will never be the same.

I thought she loved me as much as I loved her. But I was sadly mistaken. I was always there when she needed me through thick and thin. Well not exactly random stranger. I have no respect for people who call me childish names.

Thank you so much for your words. I Found your advice through Google. My dear friends have just been told that one of them husband has 1 to 5 months left to live due to an aggressive cancer. You have helped tremendously in my knowing what to say and do.

Your words also helped me know I have done the right thing so far. Wishing you Good Days in your fight! This has been most helpful. Supportive friends do not understand how their friend with cancer feels. I have sent cards to Sue to let her know my Husband and I are thinking of her. I ask Mark when I see him how things are going. But now this…I find myself crying at random times for Mark and Sue and what they are going through.

Any other suggestions on how to support this couple without being pushy about it? You can write me.. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in my lymph nodes in January.

No signs in breast. I saw dr a day after swelling appeared. Scans in January fine. Scans in March showed metastasis to liver. They found it but it was aggressive. Feels like being blamed for taking too long…. My case I was seeing oncologist for previous cancer.

I had a mammogram in December. Sometimes it just happens. She recently lost her mother, then she came down with leukemia and had to have chemo. She went through a rough time and withdrew and I felt like she pushed me and everyone away. But I still kept in contact through email to let her know I love her and am thinking of her. In the midst of going through chemo, her son committed suicide. She was totally devastated and went into a depression. Although I never knew quite what to say to her, I kept in contact via email.

Neither one of us likes talking on the phone. She is still very depressed about losing her son. But now her husband has just been diagnosed with aggressive brain cancer and the prognosis is not good. This woman has been through so much already. She feels scattered and is trying to figure out the next step to take. He is all she has left.

I feel so badly for her and wish I could be there with her to offer companionship. But it feels so inadequate. Since we are so far apart I am at a loss as to what I can do for her or say to her.

Any suggestions or insights would be most helpful. I wish I saw this 2 years ago. I lost a friend to Cancer and I have wondered often whether I said the right things. Nobody is an expert or well-prepared to know what to say or do, around the cancer sufferer.

The least you can do, is be there for the person. We just get through them the best way we can. I was originally going to, but I just figured that he must already hear that from so many people, that it would get on his nerves.

I was trying not to sound patronising. I care about how I make him feel. I never tell cancer jokes in front of him. That would be disrespectful. I leave it up to him to joke about something so heartbreaking. He lives in a care home. I would love nothing more than to live with him again. He looked after me since day one of living in the same care home. He would brighten my day up.

The way he serenaded me, whenever I came downstairs for breakfast. It made me giggle, because he was so in-your-face. He would always have an arm around me. Then when he finished his breakfast, he came into the lounge, to watch TV with me. I bought a cuddly dog for him the other day. Cancer only made our relationship even more special. It brought us closer together. We joke a lot to each other. Look at YOU, in your fancy shirt and tie. Thanks for the advise it was a long time ago when an elderly friend of mine lost his leg then life to cancer.

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I can only hope that given all the rest of what he is going through, and given that he has many friends who said intelligent things, he forgot long ago what it was I said.

If he wanted to be of that mind set, it was his choice to make. Your advice and your courage is very much appreciated. Keep up the good work as you make the world a better place to leave. Dear Lisa I loved reading what you have written! We are coming to terms with it but have already heard some of the stupid things you mention.

Thank you for the suggestions on how friends can help. Often they themselves struggle to know how they can, and I can suggest to them. We live in Bangalore India. Dickhead there is no remission for brain cancer. I pray for the death with Dignity to get passed in Florida.

I tired of the right and all my doctors are doing is prolonging a person with pain, that they really do not care about.

After reading this, I looked for information on the author, and was sad to see she was no longer with us. A moment of profound grief came over me…for her experience and the loss, my experience and fear of recurrence, and for my good friend who is facing his mortality because of advanced stage cancer. I am so appreciative of finding this site and Ms. Adams open and honest discussion of her experience. And I will never be able to have children. Thank you, Lisa, for this wonderful blog. Thank you dearly , Lisa.

I just found out today my best friend in the whole world has cancer. I needed this post more than anything. It has helped me so very much! So helpful , Bless you dear lady. Today is August 30, and he has been on in-home hospice care for a month now. He has gone downhill very rapidly. I also have an awesome, understanding boss who gives me whatever time-off I need to care for my husband—no questions!

My co-workers have been very caring and supportive as well. But, there is one in every crowd, right? I rather be caring for a dying husband who loved me than dealing with this divorce and a man who hates me. I just wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake some sense into her! Wonderful, informative, detailed and loving article! When any of us is having a hard time due to illness including the mental varieties , I think this is so helpful.

I read some articles on this site and I think your blog is really interesting and has great information. Thank you for your sharing. I relish, cause I discovered just what I was taking a look for. You have ended my four day lengthy hunt! God Bless you man. Have a nice day. When my husband went through Pancreatic Cancer, my faith community ladies set up a lunch schedule and promptly at 12 pm lunch was delivered to our door.

A Neighbor took upon herself to do my laundry, she would make my kids put the dirty laundry in a bag and take it to her house, laundered and folded all the clothes and left the bag on her porch for the kids to pick up. Kids of all ages need support, take your kids to spent time with the patients kids.

There are many ways to help out, words no matter how well meaning are just a lip service. Giving advice that is both unwanted and unwarranted, not to mention unappreciated. Just a few ridiculous examples for a ridiculous situation! The less said about it, the better! Oh well, so much for tactfulness and common courtesy! If the subject of cancer has to be brought up, kindly allow the patients themselves to bring it up, and no one else! After saying hello to one of us, if you start off your conversation with cancer, rest assured, your intentions are not, repeat, not good!

Rude, thoughtless, nosey, and inconsiderate, perhaps, but good?

You probably talk to friends way more than you talk to your parents. That's natural . Even if you and your parents have a great relationship, you want to find your. Start a more interesting conversation. In fact, it may be best to avoid talking about work entirely. and turn your new contacts into a multiplex tie — and maybe even a friend: This question works for the same reason, but is more forward-looking than backward-looking, allowing others to choose from a. But there are always ways we could know our BFF even better. Dr. Irene . It's always fun to talk about life goals with a best friend. Ideas start Perhaps your best friends wants to tell you how much they love and appreciate you. Or maybe they What personality trait is your friend looking for in someone?.