You tell him to leave you alone, but that's actually supposed to mean he's supposed to fight for you. I'M NOT seeking FOR P2P. M4w I'm looking for someone sexy that would like to meet for drinks then have each I need love in my life not just sex for dessert lol :).
I am a one man woman, I am NOT a serial dater. No jealous mans.
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I feel lost and exhausted emotionally I fear I will reach my braking point and walk away if he dosnt wake up… I know in my heart if that happens he will live a life of regret and I fear by the time he relizes this it will be to late.
I recorded many times, showed concrete examples, yet EXhusband instead of fessing up to what is happening, he got upset that I did what I did to prove it. He always turned it around on ME never admitting his mom is wrong. The marriage will never work, IF he does not see what is going on, or if he does not want to change what is going on with his mom!
As I read this article I realize that I am not alone in this. I have been married to my husband for 20 years and every fight that we had, it was about his mother. This was last century but you still find some people to still demand this. She has been treating me like the enemy from day one. She find moments to remind me that I was never fit for her supersmart and superhandsome son.
According to her, I do not know how to do my housechores, I do not know how to cook, I do not know how to raise my children and that for every decission in our life, we should consult with them, and only if they agree, then we can go ahead and do it! We had to fight because she wanted to name my first born after her, and we did afterwards! But when my son was born, we had another fight because she wanted to name him after her husband!
But I have three children and their wellbeing and future has made me sacrifice all these years! What solution do I have?!!!
I am sorry to say this but she has ruined my marriage. My two young kids are in the middle of this. She allways complains of not able to see my kids eventhough she is at my place each month finding some excuse to show up.
My husband wants me say ok for her live with us. I told him no. Told him I am the co-owner of our house and he cannot bring her here to live us and if he do, I will remove her from the house legally. I do want live peacefully in my house, if I cannot live peaceful there, where I am going to be?
Some times if there is a power cut in her residential area she will ask my husband to take her to our place and stay here longer than expected. Now If there is windstorm or power failure I pray her area has no power failure. My Mother in law has 5 kids including my husband but none of them wants her to live them. His other sibilings think he should my husband should take care of their mom. His eldest sister who lives in another country continously telling him to move my mother in law with us.
My husband hits me all the time and mostly on my head. One day he hit me hard and my nose stated bleeding. I want him to leave me and my kids. I worked hard to buy this house and the down payment on the house was only my money. Now I cannot even live their peacefully. Can he move his mom in our house without my aproval?
Had I known or spoken to the first wife, I would have run like hell. As it turned out his mother used the same tactics on my marriage as she did on the first.
The she-devil would call each and every morning so hers was the first voice he heard and did the same at Yes, she had a husband. But, their marriage was a train wreak and was long before I ever came along. The two of them would go out to dinner together every night I always wondered why he was never hungry to eat the dinner I prepared , went to the movies, theater, concerts, events together he would call them business meetings would go on vacations together more business meetings and would disrupt any plans we made together.
Her telephone calls to me were sick and abusive. Unfortunately, again, he agreed with her. She even had a bedroom done in her house for my child and my husband. Just her and Daddy. The final straw came when she called one night and insisted he get out of bed, go to the store to buy her a bottle of bubble bath and bring it to her. She lived 30 miles away. Without skipping a beat, he got up and did what he was told. But, it got better. When he came home, in the early morning hours, he told me he got the soap, ran her bath, lit candles in the bathroom and stayed with her as she bathed playing guitar and singing to her.
I would have to assume there was nudity involved. He told me this as if it was the most normal thing in the world. This was going on for a long time. I left and took my child with me. The lying, manipulating, stealing, conning, lack of empathy, sympathy and smear campaigns became more and more evident. So… my life has consisted of being stuck between being the scapegoat of a socopathic mother, a sociopathic MIL AND and sociopathic daughter.
My heart goes out to you Dianne. For 33yrs I have tolerated this evil cruel monster. My husband never left his parents and his father now dead jumped every time the witch spoke. She has taken delight at our marital problems she is the cause. When her husband died our marriage was totally over. I have gone through chemo etc. Our child is autistic and beautiful but ofcourse it must be from my family. I watched my husband with her tonight and their relationship looked like lovers.
I felt the need of an anti-emetic. Her death is not far away but there has been to much damage to me from him. Even if he survives her demise for me it really is over. I must put my child first. If I had not given up my nursing career to be our daughters carer I would have had money and the courage to leave a long time ago.
There were no red flags at the beginning of the relationship. My mil is just as bad for 25 years i have endured years of her sayi g things to me like in lucky my husband did not leave me when i had my au t istic daughtdr and that when my son as tole dollars from me her resonse was th A t i list him like i did her my husband has a genetic disorder i was never told about my son has it too possibly my daughter now my sil has had a stroke and mil is crying for my husand to visit at least 5 times a year we live in another state and are poor without a car she has never helped us in any way my husband and i both have had cancer i would leave him but i have no money and would be unhappy if i left him his life would be ruined she would like nothing better than to have him move thete he tells me hes worried about her.
Emotional incest would be an appropriate description. At times, I have felt like who are you married to? Last week she called him over something stupid like a light blinking on the washer machine asked if he would come over to check it out. The woman is college educated!! She is a total attention whore. But he cannot say no to her. For reasons I will never understand!!! Because once he gets there for the washing machine, or the light bulb replacement, she ensnares him into some long errand list and he is hostage to who knows what.
Then she gives him gas money and spending money too???!!! Like he is 15 years old how crazy is that? Someone just take a glock in my mouth and pull the trigger already. They live long enough to make wives and girlfriends lives miserable. I wish I understood what they want from their sons? Someone help educate me!!! My husband has NO problem getting angry with me for even the slightest infraction but his mom can lie, manipulate, hurt my feelings, his feelings and he just smoothes it all over and never calls her on the carpet?
Thought I was the only one going through this kind of messy situation until I came here. It is only narcissism that describes Mil well. She often uses emotional blackmail on him like feigning critically ill just to ensure he goes to see her When I got pregnant, she called just two times and that was all. I had baby through c-section and she managed to call once.
Then five weeks later, I complained to hubby and she now called like 3 other times. She never bothered to come and see baby since we are living in the same State. She spent just five days and reported me to my hubby saying all manner of things. Hubby called and was calling me names cos of mil. I was so angry that I confronted mil and had a row with her. She finally left that day.
Though sometimes I feel bad confronting her but I think I did the best thing I could do. At least I was able to set a boundary for the future with her. I did not realize she was a Narcissistic in the 1st year.
Thought she was mean, did not like I was dating her son, I felt kind of crazy, because she acted so weird and nasty, and I had never seen a mother jealous of her Son… You did the best thing, from what I have been going through and through with her, I have lost money, sleep and sanity.
My mother as I child only loved, when the house, grades, and my affection towards her was total perfection. I left home at 19, and never went back. This women belittles and abuses everyone. Everything is about her, and her life, her problems, her troubles. I walked away from my mom as Teen, theses people, her Children never left her and they allow her to abuse them. Everyone around her has a life, work, job, things to do. That means nothing to her. I was madly in love with her son and our life.
I am losing respect for the man I love, and I know she is the reason I want a divorce. And I am afraid if I do leave him, what would she do to our Children? She wanted me to leave him when we First started dating. I am at painful cross road. Then, after hearing me talk about my own alcoholic mother and how I have had to create a healthy distance in order to flourish in my life, she made a comment a few hours later that anyone who has issues with their mother is not a good person.
I am a loving good person, she has no right to pass judgement. The biggest issue I had with her was how she would put her failing business and financial burdens on him.
He would be pulling out his hair stressing about her money problems, but when I went to visis she has bought apple trees, new patio furniture and a very expensive set of dishes that she only used for the Christmas. He was completely blind to the fact that she had a spending problem and that was the reason she was in debt.
She always acted like I was her friend later on, but after him and I broke up she never contacted me again. It hurt, I have to say. He turns 50 this year and has never been married, we were close to it, but he chickened out, hmm I wonder why. I really thought I was the only one going through this before I found this website. But what got me here was the anger and the hurt that I have of feeling like second plate to my partner.
I know a little of what everyone here is going through. One of the differences is that my MIL does not have a husband. But it gets so bad that I could be talking to him and he leaves me hanging talking to myself because his mother calls him to talk to him about her dog!!!?
She calls him every morning and all day! I mean, I have tried to tell him but usually his response is that he was always the favorite one. Not to mention she has helped us in a couple of things, but sometimes I feel like she gets in our relationship because she feels that I owe her.
He did tell me that its because to some point she feels that she can do a better job than me! I sometimes feel like shes going to end up breaking us up, which even his dad told him.
His favorite one is.. I told him that was very immature of her part. She is NOT that old, nor she looks it. Some times I wake up hearing him at 7am talking to him about the dog. She even wanted him to stay babysitting the dog for a couple of days at her house because the dog got hurt. I say to myself same thing just another day. Married for many many years. Live far away form MIL and yet.. Husband is totally in love with his mom.
I undergone a surgery a little while ago, she somehow instilled the idea that there is no need for it, so he questions my need for it. So, what are the choices? They were merely left to carry on the insanity without me. Now, I have to deal with the fact that my only child is just like them. After a 16 year marriage, not only did the manipulation, mobbing mentality and incessant interfering finally end my marriage, but it took going through the divorce triggered by him threatening suicide via shotgun to realize his mental and emotional states were just and narcissistic and codependent as those displayed by his mother and sister.
This article is very well written. I read this book. It was a tough battle. But I will say three years in and it made the difference. Long story short after attempting multiple times to make amends with his parents my inlaws and their unwillingness to respect us and our boundaries we have zero contact with them. But that is ultimately their choice. He said he knows what freedom is now and thanked me for giving him the support to be his own person.
My husband and I were reading your comment and it spoke to us more than the rest because it is the most like our story. We were curious if you could or would want to contact us with some info about where you all are at now with this situation.
Did you continue to co-exist in the same town or move to mmake it a bit easier. Hi I am having a hard time with my husband and MIL of 3 years. We have a 2 year old kid and as soon as I gave birth she has been very controlling and verbally abusive. My husband is an only child and his mom was widowed since my husband was 5. Now w are both 31 yrs old and there is so much opportunities ahead for our family but my MIL wouldnt let my husband live his own life.
He depends on her for everything. Our house rent, food, babys needs like diaper or milk are all from his mom even if he works for their family business. She brags about this to everyone whether it is family or friends and when she throws a tantrum she starts countin how much she spends on us. I told my husband he must get a separate job so his mom will not interfere and make us feel guilty but his mom gives him comfort so she is his comfort zone something like why work hard when your mom can give you money.
I am a professional and I wanted to go overseas to start building our familys future and to be away from his mom who hates and cannot accept me as her DIL. I got the job offer but my husband seems torn in leaving his mom.
But there were times when he is mad at her he would say something like lets just live far away from her he even encouraged me to find a job abroad and now that i got it he shows signs of not wanting to really leave his mom.
Once she closed the cabinet cos she was angry and didnt realize my hand was there and it hurt my fingers!!! It was my fault??? I am going to work abroad for my child and my future because i dnt see my husband wnting to do that for us. I have been with my DH for 14 years, I already had 2 kids when we met. His Stepdad did not like me from day 1, he tried everything in his power to get my DH to leave me. Its a big pity-party guilt trip with those ppl! So in my mind, she is just as guilty as her husband!
With In 3 days, my MIL was calling me to ask for money!! She hasnt bothered to speak to me since. I wont give up on my marriage, I am just practicing damage control with his parents. From day one of meeting her I knew for some unknown reason she did not like me one little bit.
She wants my dh to run her here there and everywhere and expects him to jump when she shouts. But the thing that really irritates me is the fact my dh can not see what she is like. She expects to me the top of the list and if not she makes him feel guilty until she is back at the top. This article was really interesting to read especially because my husband who goes to therapy has been told he has narcissistic qualities and since I like to read about this kind of stuff, I had read a book on the topic and of course it says that often someone will become a narcissist because their parent was.
When I mentioned it to him, he automatically assumed it was his father, but oh no, I knew exactly who it was. But surprise, he refused to hear that. Now my background…we have been together over 8 years but only got married about 8 months ago. His father was always friendly and excited to see me but his mother was always standoffish and just had an abrasive nature to her personality that was very off putting to me.
When I would make comments about it, he would always get defensive and blame it on where she grew up, that she lost her father, etc. Could never just call it what it was, RUDE.
My husband actually works in the wedding business too which means he works weekends a lot so his schedule is far more jam packed than mine and especially theirs, however, god forbid I book something convenient for us and force her to leave Florida for a weekend?
In any case, we ended up after about 15 months of being engaged finally settling on a summer wedding that worked for us. We literally had looked at tons of venues in the process and struggled to find something we liked at the price that worked. We finally had our venue and our date and one day when his parents finally returned from Florida they went on their own to go see the venue.
My husband and I at the time were visiting my grandmother who had just moved into a nursing home when he got a call. He tried to downplay it on the phone but I knew what was going on.
When I confronted him about it, his response was, well she is entitled to an opinion. Anyway, somehow we moved on and our wedding happened… Now for the real game changer…the weekend started off great but the bridal party was totally running late with hair and makeup i like to think because he insisted my guy do his mom even though she redid it all herself anyway and we were late starting pictures. It was a hot July day in the sun and I did pictures for about an hour but was starting to get lightheaded and when his parents who had been lingering with the rest of the family she invited against my wishes waiting for their pictures actually disappeared and were nowhere to be found, I said I needed a break and went back inside to refresh before the ceremony promising to do pictures afterwards.
We go into the ceremony and its great and then back to sign the license and the photographer comes to get us for more pictures. Well she never does…she sits outside for about the first hour as her family members and friends all take turns checking on her and then ultimately decides she needs to go to the hospital.
Sorry for the length but the story gets better. I should have cut her off then but was trying to connect with her over my own past struggles with my mother and let her talk, not realizing it would only be used against me.
Not only did she make this complaint to me, but she also made it to her older brother who was there. My husband happened to call him that day and he made some comments about my mom that then got my husband fired up.
Fast forward now 8 months later and we are still fighting about the same thing over and over again, his mother. He ultimately made peace with my parents and I saw his a few months after the dust settled and then spent a few days over the holidays with them. I just do not like his mother and he will not accept that. I will always be polite and respectful but have zero interest in being friends with her.
I already feel like she stole my wedding from me, that day will forever have bittersweet memories, and now my anniversary? I think I know what the response to all of this will be but always like to hear thoughts…. Please run like never before. Take it from someone who has tolerated almost 34yrs. I think she pretends to like me also or maybe she blames me when he turns her down at times…i am so fedup i never knew my fiance was such a lil boy that he allows his mother to talk to him like that and honestly i think its only going to get worst and im getting second thoughts about marrying him.
My MIL threw up in the limo to the reception hall. She had become disabled slightly before wedding. I can go on and on. She manipulates and after 10 years I threw in the towel. When mommy comes first, it is a sick and dysfunctional enmeshment.
It was a waste. This website really hit the hammer on the nail. After 26 years, we now have placed the zero tolerance boundaries cutting of all ties with the NMIL. This is a very difficult letter to write and a difficult letter for you to read.
Please read this email and attached letters in its entirety, so you can understand my decision to cut off all ties with my Mother forever. My first marriage to my wife was a total disaster from the beginning. At that time, I did not understand why.
Back then my mother would call 3 to 4 times per day usually at midnight and early mornings. My Mother would want to discuss issues she was having with my Dad and then would change the conversation to how things were going in my relationship.
She would end the conversation with do not tell your wife what we discussed…basically telling me to keep secrets from my wife. Naturally, with the many phone calls my mother made, my wife would ask what did your Mother have to say and I would tell her none of her business. I kept secrets from her and said bad things about her to others. During the divorce I treated her in the cruelest way.
In the legal paperwork I said so many bad things about her but did not relate the awful things I did to her or the secret thing my mother did. I did not give her any assets including what belonged to her before I met her and also asked her to sign a quick claim to relinquish our condo to me.
A lot of these suggestions came from my mother. Guess what, my wife never fought for even a penny and she did not even get an attorney. She signed all paperwork and gave everything to me. When I was divorced from my wife, I knew I missed her and was still so much in love with her, but confused. When I started to date her again, a letter came in from my mother that was all about my wife, it was negative things about her.
My mother sent me a similar letter in , a few days before we were married the first time. The letters put me in a state of confusion, anger, and gave me doubts. I did not show the first letter to my wife because I destroyed it. The second letter dated , my wife found out about 4 months later in , when she overheard me arguing with my mother over the phone about these letters. She also said that I should have been protecting my wife.
I should have kept my wife in the castle with me and not put her on the outside of the castle walls allowing arrows to be aimed at her by my mother. It upset me very much because now I knew the intent of the letters was the destruction of my marriage so that Mother could basically have me to herself. Also in the second letter it ask me to show the letter to my wife.
The intent was to scare my wife away from me, again another mind game. She instills so much hatred in me for my wife. She tries to control and manipulate my mind. This is the reason why my wife stays away because of all the things that my Mother has done to her and our relationship. As you read on the email below the SCARS my mother inflicted on us is very deep and they last a lifetime. What my mother did to us in our first marriage is unforgivable. Before our second marriage she tried to do it again.
My wife suggested to me several times to book an earlier flight home to see my dad even though he was in a coma. She also said that my wife kept me away from her for 15 Years. First of all, why the hell would anyone want to have a relationship with Mother after the destruction she created? My wife has not been present in front of any members of my family since she saw the hate letter from my mother and realized that my mother was the mastermind of all hate.
She has even asked me not to tell them she helped in giving them these act of kindness. To answer why I stayed away from my family because I know how controlling she is and I was very upset at what she did to our first relationship and what she was attempting to do with the second relationship.
Over the years my mother has said hateful things about my wife. She has basically tortured us and has tried to destroy our relationship for 26 years. I am a lucky man to have found my wife; most women would have run far away within the first year.
My wife has been there and stood by me, even though my mother and I have hurt her so much, this is 26 years of pain. What my family does not know, even if she was not there with me during the funeral, she supported me at home with my grief.
She did not need to be there and I did not want her there to be tortured by my mother. I owe my wife a lifetime worth of love. In the regards to my father, since I was young boy my mother would tell me of the problems she had with my father i.
A young boy should not be hearing these things. It changed my opinions of my father. She basically burdened me with her problems. She stole the relationship I should have had with my dad instead of encouraging it! For most of my life, I was not close to my dad and I felt animosity towards him.
I believe she does the same things to my brothers but they will never admit it. Basically, I became a pseudo husband to my mother in an emotional sense.
The only thing that came out of this was the last few years, for the first time I got to know my real dad. I enjoyed the moments I was with him alone. I miss him so very much. I dislike that my mother still had bad things to say about him till even a few months before his death. I do have those emails. My mother covers up a lot of the hateful things she says and does. I once decided to go to church with Dad.
After I got out of the Military as a young man and started to attend electronics school Dad tried to tell me he was proud of me and I dismissed him. I know as a young man my dad tried to tell me also about my Mother and her lack of warmth frigid , I dismissed this too. I wish I would have taken the time to hear his side. I miss my dad so very much. I only wish those younger years that I could have been close to my dad would not have been stolen from me.
The younger years that my brothers and I should have been close to my dad were stolen from us by my mother. Fathers and sons should be close. I feel very sorry for my brothers because they do not even realize what has happened to them. Since I have started to communicate with my mother in the last five years she has started to say more negative things about dad, things that should really be between Mother and Dad and not involve others. I feel sorry for my father because my mother married my dad three times and divorced him twice and booted him out of the home and ask him to get a condominium of his own basically towards the end of his life.
My mother is obsessed with me. After she wrecked my first marriage she asks to move into the condominium with me. I ask her, are you nuts and she seemed surprised. When I was dating my wife a second time, she asks me to buy a house with her in California and I said no. Next thing, she asked my dad to sell the house in Illinois and buy a house in California and also ask me to buy the house next to her.
Some of the things that happened prior to this were when my wife and I were in the bedroom naked, my wife in bed and I on the toilet, she asked to talk to me, I told her to wait. What she did next was open the door and walked in on us.
My wife and I went to a movie and when we returned my mother was sitting in the rocking chair and asked us where we had been, and when we told her gave us an angry and dirty look.
She treated us as if we were children, not asking for her permission and not including her. At my in-laws house, she sat on my lap, facing me, and wrapped her legs around me, telling me just because I was a supervisor, I did not love her. Another time in my in-laws house during a big party she asked me for a massage not in a way a mother interacts with a son!
My mother always wants to be there. Another example is during my honeymoon, the first time marriage, my in-laws paid for us to stay a few days in at the Fountain Bleu Hotel in Miami. My mother who was suppose to be in Jamaica returned earlier and wanted to stay with us in the same room. That basically ruined my first honeymoon of our first marriage. There were several instances such as this. My mother basically thinks she owns me. Now, I have broken all ties with her forever.
I would like to continue to communicate with you. I do not want her to be there or be a part of our communications. I do not want her to know any part of my life and what is happening with me. This is not a hate letter about my mother, but facts and evidence that I needed to show in order for you to understand my decision, what has been happening with me, and especially the complexity of the situation I face. I hope you understand and respect my decision.
I am old now, reaching 56 years, she has destroyed me for most of my life. If you do not want to communicate with me any longer, then I respect your decision. I wish you and your wife all the joy and happiness in the world. I cried when I read what your mother had done. I hope all of the past will be healed. I used to dream that my husband would grow up and become a man but I know it never will happen. This is just incredible!! She has been married 5 years and the other MIL is completely insane, and I believe my son in law has mental health issues also.
Unfortunately my daughter has tried everything to save her marriage, I have offered help my son in law and I have a good relationship but his Mother has a grip of steel on him.
Me being the other MIL, I have tried to delicately help but struggled with knowing who to believe, it is mind blowing that an adult mother is capable of manipulation like this. Thank you thank you thank you! I would really like to know you the two of you went to for therapy? Eighteen years of this and I am burnt out.
I am going numb to my husband and that is a very scary feeling for me. I love him dearly but I can not keep staying in this insanity. I am amazed that I am not the only wife out there that seems to be having issues with a MIL. I have been married for almost 10 years, we have a daughter together.
We have lived with husbands parents 4 times, due to husband constantly finding reasons, whether to help them with money or how it would better profit us.
Only considering every time we go back I feel like I am going insane. I am tiring of competition, and sharing my husband. That sounds greedy only, let me explain.
Fast forwarding ahead, I was in the process of going to school to get my GED I was a HS dropout and finally managed time between home schooling my kid and working full time to do so. When I declined to look for someone else, she demanded I drop out because it would be better for my husband to get more sleep during the day before his night shift.
My husband was in full support of me getting my GED only never spoke up for me. Fast forward to the near present: Some breast cancer patients describe a bullying-like pressure from their surgeons to reconstruct after having a mastectomy. Officials in the state — one of 18 to offer vaccine exemptions based on personal or moral beliefs — had hoped to offer a course informing parents about the risks of not vaccinating. A new study from Orlando Health found that more than half of parents with children under 18 believe the flu shot can cause the flu.
Experts explain why that's a myth. A family in Georgia is reeling from a pizza order that left their 2-year-old with second-degree burns. Little Caesars insists that it did nothing wrong. At 37, Meghan Markle is having a pregnancy officially considered "high-risk. A new report reveals that cesarean sections have become much more common since the start of the century.
Doctors and maternal-health experts are concerned. The concept kama is found in some of the earliest known verses in Vedas. For example, Book 10 of Rig Veda describes the creation of the universe from nothing by the great heat. There in hymn , it states:. The children of Adam are limbs of one body Having been created of one essence.
When the calamity of time afflicts one limb The other limbs cannot remain at rest. If you have no sympathy for the troubles of others You are not worthy to be called by the name of "man". Rumi , Hafiz and Sa'di are icons of the passion and love that the Persian culture and language present. The Christian understanding is that love comes from God. The love of man and woman— eros in Greek—and the unselfish love of others agape , are often contrasted as "descending" and "ascending" love, respectively, but are ultimately the same thing.
Christians believe that to Love God with all your heart, mind, and strength and Love your neighbor as yourself are the two most important things in life the greatest commandment of the Jewish Torah , according to Jesus ; cf. Gospel of Mark chapter 12, verses 28— Saint Augustine summarized this when he wrote "Love God, and do as thou wilt.
The Apostle Paul glorified love as the most important virtue of all. Describing love in the famous poetic interpretation in 1 Corinthians , he wrote, "Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. The Apostle John wrote, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. Saint Augustine says that one must be able to decipher the difference between love and lust. Lust, according to Saint Augustine, is an overindulgence, but to love and be loved is what he has sought for his entire life.
Saint Augustine says the only one who can love you truly and fully is God, because love with a human only allows for flaws such as "jealousy, suspicion, fear, anger, and contention.
Lewis wrote a book called The Four Loves. Benedict XVI named his first encyclical God is love. He said that a human being, created in the image of God, who is love, is able to practice love; to give himself to God and others agape and by receiving and experiencing God's love in contemplation eros. This life of love, according to him, is the life of the saints such as Teresa of Calcutta and the Blessed Virgin Mary and is the direction Christians take when they believe that God loves them.
Pope Francis taught that "True love is both loving and letting oneself be loved.. It is the activity of the greatest, and the source, of all the powers in the universe: In Christianity the practical definition of love is summarised by St.
Thomas Aquinas , who defined love as "to will the good of another," or to desire for another to succeed. As Thomas Aquinas explains, Christian love is motivated by the need to see others succeed in life, to be good people. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others?
Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Tertullian wrote regarding love for enemies: To love one's friends is common practice, to love one's enemies only among Christians. Chesed , often translated as loving-kindness, is used to describe many forms of love between human beings. The commandment to love other people is given in the Torah , which states, "Love your neighbor like yourself" Leviticus The Torah's commandment to love God "with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your might" Deuteronomy 6: Rabbinic literature differs as to how this love can be developed, e.
As for love between marital partners, this is deemed an essential ingredient to life: The biblical book Song of Solomon is considered a romantically phrased metaphor of love between God and his people, but in its plain reading, reads like a love song. The 20th-century Rabbi Eliyahu Eliezer Dessler is frequently quoted as defining love from the Jewish point of view as "giving without expecting to take" from his Michtav me-Eliyahu , Vol.
Love encompasses the Islamic view of life as universal brotherhood that applies to all who hold faith. God is also referenced at the beginning of every chapter in the Qur'an as Ar-Rahman and Ar-Rahim , or the "Most Compassionate" and the "Most Merciful", indicating that nobody is more loving, compassionate and benevolent than God. The Qur'an refers to God as being "full of loving kindness. Birr is also used by the Qur'an in describing the love and kindness that children must show to their parents.
Ishq , or divine love, is the emphasis of Sufism in the Islamic tradition. Practitioners of Sufism believe that love is a projection of the essence of God to the universe. God desires to recognize beauty, and as if one looks at a mirror to see oneself, God "looks" at himself within the dynamics of nature.
Since everything is a reflection of God, the school of Sufism practices to see the beauty inside the apparently ugly. Sufism is often referred to as the religion of love. A common viewpoint of Sufism is that through love, humankind can get back to its inherent purity and grace.
The saints of Sufism are infamous for being "drunk" due to their love of God ; hence, the constant reference to wine in Sufi poetry and music. It is an obstacle on the path to enlightenment , since it is selfish. It is complementary to wisdom and is necessary for enlightenment. This love is unconditional and requires considerable self-acceptance.
This is quite different from ordinary love, which is usually about attachment and sex and which rarely occurs without self-interest. Instead, in Buddhism it refers to detachment and unselfish interest in others' welfare. The Bodhisattva ideal in Mahayana Buddhism involves the complete renunciation of oneself in order to take on the burden of a suffering world.
The strongest motivation one has in order to take the path of the Bodhisattva is the idea of salvation within unselfish, altruistic love for all sentient beings. For many Hindu schools, it is the third end Kama in life. Kamadeva is often pictured holding a bow of sugar cane and an arrow of flowers; he may ride upon a great parrot. He is usually accompanied by his consort Rati and his companion Vasanta, lord of the spring season.
Karuna is compassion and mercy, which impels one to help reduce the suffering of others. Bhakti is a Sanskrit term, meaning "loving devotion to the supreme God. Hindu writers, theologians, and philosophers have distinguished nine forms of bhakti , which can be found in the Bhagavata Purana and works by Tulsidas.
The philosophical work Narada Bhakti Sutras , written by an unknown author presumed to be Narada , distinguishes eleven forms of love. In certain Vaishnava sects within Hinduism, attaining unadulterated, unconditional and incessant love for Godhead is considered the foremost goal of life. Gaudiya Vaishnavas who worship Krishna as the Supreme Personality of Godhead and the cause of all causes consider Love for Godhead Prema to act in two ways: In the condition of separation, there is an acute yearning for being with the beloved and in the condition of union there is supreme happiness and nectarean.
Gaudiya Vaishnavas consider that Krishna-prema Love for Godhead is not fire but that it still burns away one's material desires.
It is not water, but it washes away everything—one's pride, religious rules, and one's shyness. Krishna-prema is considered to make one drown in the ocean of transcendental ecstasy and pleasure. The love of Radha, a cowherd girl, for Krishna is often cited as the supreme example of love for Godhead by Gaudiya Vaishnavas. Radha is considered to be the internal potency of Krishna, and is the supreme lover of Godhead.
Her example of love is considered to be beyond the understanding of material realm as it surpasses any form of selfish love or lust that is visible in the material world. In the Bhakti tradition within Hinduism, it is believed that execution of devotional service to God leads to the development of Love for God taiche bhakti-phale krsne prema upajaya , and as love for God increases in the heart, the more one becomes free from material contamination krishna-prema asvada haile, bhava nasa paya.
Being perfectly in love with God or Krishna makes one perfectly free from material contamination. In this tradition, salvation or liberation is considered inferior to love, and just an incidental by-product. Being absorbed in Love for God is considered to be the perfection of life. The term "free love" has been used  to describe a social movement that rejects marriage , which is seen as a form of social bondage. The Free Love movement's initial goal was to separate the state from sexual matters such as marriage, birth control , and adultery.
It claimed that such issues were the concern of the people involved, and no one else.
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