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Adrianna
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If I'm spot on, this isn't the first time or mode I've tried to remind you I care about your lifehealthheartlungs. Looking for a friend, hopefully more I am a 20 year old student at Pima. Tall hwp white man here. Available tonight w4m jesus shit im getting sick of all this bs, i just need to get fucked and then left single. I am looking for a woman with similar interests to spend time with.

It makes sense, right? So when I got this letter from a follower the other asking about a really common sexual problem, I asked them if I could share it on my blog.

They gave me permission to share it along with my response on here. I love your blog and articles and I was wondering if I could ask you something. My husband and I have an overall good marriage. We care about each other, there have never been any big problems like affairs or drugs, and we do a lot of things together as a family.

That issue is sex. He wants it all the time! I have tried telling him to stop pressuring me and I might want it more but nothing seems to work. Thanks for being a fan! This is a very typical problem for a lot of couples. What normally results is something like you described: When this happens sex starts feeling more like a chore instead of a connection resulting in lots and lots of fights.

Underneath it all, sex is a way for couples to connect on an intimate, romantic and vulnerable level. With that, it carries an extra level of meaning and importance in a relationship — which is often why there are so many fights about it. The HDP wants to have sex usually because they want to feel connected. The LDP usually wants to feel connected first before they have sex.

If you would do X Y or Z first, that would really help me get in the mood so we can have a rocking time together. Another thing that may help is to talk about sex together as a way to emotionally connect, not just as a physical gratification. Sex is an emotional and intimate thing and should be treated as such.

Talk with each other about it on an emotional level. Mind if we do X Y or Z first? I really want to show you that I love you but I am just not in the mood right now. What can I do to help you come? Hope this helps for now. I have to comment on this. I have a similar experience… I was this girl, maybe 14 years ago. I had no idea who to talk to about the problem, and I wanted to keep the peace, so I acquiesced whenever he wanted it, without complaining.

As the years went by however, I really started dreading it. I was sick and tired of sex. Finally I decided to talk to him about it. I told him how I felt, but it made him so angry he gave me the silent treatment for more than a week. I had read somewhere that scheduling sex for every saturday worked for some couples in this situation, so to try and break him out of the silent treatment, I offered that suggestion. He was not happy, but agreed to try it. This didn't work either. This sex issue is serious, but also complicated.

Wow you are kinda selfish: Maybe you should just put him out of his misery that would be better. Why should someone keep on having sex if they find it revolting? Maybe she should leave him…. What is it about sex that makes it revolting for you? Is it a lack of pleasure, distaste for the naked human body, bodily functions, or poor past experience, etc? I agree it can be complicated.

Different situation from yourself, but I suffered from chronic UTI problems for over 2 years and although medical-related, combined with regular daily responsibilities, I let it kill my libido. My husband was patient and we took things slowly. Now my drive is in a good place, but it took a lot of work to get here. Frustrations, fear and pain. This behavior is not conductive to resolving anything! Though I can appreciate that he has some pent up energy figuratively and literally.

Obviously she likes to think the good in people. Which sounds like he is simply objectifying her and looking at her as a receptacle for his pleasure. The therapist said that men have sex to feel close, and while that is true, not all men have sex to feel close.

I see nothing in the story the points to he wants to be close to her and love her I think that the therapist is wearing rose-colored glasses. My husband wants to have sex all the time and for me to pay attention to only him when he is off of work. He works every other week on the night shift. It has gotten to the point that if I have to pay bills or do housework after a long trip, I am ignoring him.

We have sex constantly. I wish he only wanted it every two or three days. I love my family, but I am tired of having to constantly give in to his needs. I have the need to be left alone and have some personal time. I have kids who need attention. We have been together sixteen years. To me that kind of behavior naturally fades at least to some extent over time. He still expects girlfriend level attention. Hi, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

He is a major attention hog always has been. He wants all eyes on him and always. We also have an issue with sex. He most definitely has a higher sex drive and wants sex every single day, multiple times a day, for three years straight. He is constantly trying to advance with me no matter where we are or what we are doing.

Ass grabbing, boob grabbing, will even slip his hand down to my genital area and this is on a daily basis. I usually shut him down because we have gotten to the point that sex seems more like a chore than pleasure. The last year or so has been rough because my sex drive has plummeted. He is still that man underneath the insane sex drive.

I remember hearing over and over for years that communication is the key to a successful relationship and I honestly think our communication about our sexual life does not exist. I have thought about it and decided that I am going to sit him down next weekend and we are going to discuss things on a large scale.

I sincerely believe that MOST women need to have non sexual intimacy in order to want sex. Hand holding, cuddling, smiles and laughs. We are emotional creatures and need emotional stimulation. I am going to explain this to my husband. He used to demonstrate these things very frequently with me but with all of the tension for so long it has died down.

I think if he can renew this with me I will be more than attracted to him all over again and ready to rumble. Ill remind him that time alone makes you miss someone and more appreciative of their presence.

You are not alone! Hi Anonymous, Sorry for the slow reply. And sorry to hear about your situation. Yeah, the whole scheduled sex thing hardly ever works. Sex is supposed to be spontaneous, passionate and fun. Scheduling it makes it seem more like a chore. No wonder you resent it. I'm sorry to hear that your partner gave you the silent treatment after you tried talking about it. That never helps things — for you or him.

Like I said in this post, sex is an expression of intimacy. If you're not feeling passionate or intimate sex will be boring and dreadful. See if that helps your sex at all. Feel free to drop me a line and I'd be happy to answer you more in depth if you don't mind it being a blog post. What you aren't addressing here is the lack of mutual respect.

My husband wants sex all. He is the HDP, and his libido hasn't slowed down in 20 years, so he acuses me of being old.

"My Husband Wants Sex All the Time" - The Marriage and Family Clinic

They have nothing to do with each other, and some of the reader comments and your replies make me wonder how there can really be any dialogue between the two levels of awareness or understanding, for they are so different.

I think educating people about archetypes can lead the way to deeper communication and understanding because they can be experienced by individuals rather than learnt conceptually, and yet their truth is inarguable and inviolable. They give us somthing to navigate by that cannot be reduced to politics or distorted through conditioning. So this awareness gives me hope for us humans. And the depth in your article that resonates and rings true for many is i think partly because of the archetypal aspect.

Thank you, its so great to be talking about what really matters to me in this forum. I feel so alive. Apologies if this topic has already been discussed in previous comments. Men do indeed live often disconnected from their own authentic being, which has all kinds of consequences.

One of them is not knowing how to be powerful and masculine in a healthy way with their women, which is definitely a significant contributing factor to then checking out at porn sites and strip clubs.

When i red it all, i thought to my self, are you married? I was once, though. Hello, this article is interesting but there are a few things that I am not entirely convinced. It would be unfair on me and him. He would feel guilty, demanding me for sex when I am unwell or sad. After birth I was focused on my newborn baby and also recovering from birth.

Fathers should be able to nurture new mothers by giving her massage massage can encourage milk hormones to make milk flow better and unblock the blocked duct — the blocked can cause infection and mastitis can make her really ill and cook healthy food and feed her so she can concentrate breast feeding the baby.

This way he can stay close to her without demanding sex. When she is completely recovered and she would feel really appreciated and can really appreciate his caring side and she would be open to him again. Pregnancy is a big demand on her body. He should massage her and try to bond with the unborn. Mothers run after kids, look after old people and the sick ones should be also nurtured by partners.

I really appreciate you sharing your experience. I know there are a lot of nuances to this exploration. One thing you said, though, which I find interesting, though I believe it can actually be very destabilizing in some relationships if played it too long, is your expectation that men should be far more nurturing to their wives after childbirth. For the man who is more masculine at his core, consistently expressing his feminine energy in an intimate relationship is likely to cause him to feel disoriented and disconnected, and eventually resentful, at least towards himself if not his partner.

Repeatedly, in my ignorance. However you apply them, or whether you discard them entirely is up to you! Thank you for your comment. Mind you with the foreplay side women need help with warm up and he has to take part. So, strangely enough he has to get in touch with his feminine side to get her to surrender to his desire. Nurturing can mean massage, stroking and so on with a long list. But when she is ready and he can go back to his masculine side.

Anyway I took my time to reply as I was contemplating about what you have said in your blog and comments. I studied Zoology specialised in animal behaviour for my honours. I was brought up in a strong masculine environment. My father is Italian, old fashioned and traditional. He was in the army. My mother was very submissive. Somehow he taught me and my two sisters to be independent and competitive. But I was the black sheep in the family.

I was a tomboy and I loved my freedom to roam about with my bmx, playing outside all day and I hated wearing skirts because they were restricting my freedom. I am profoundly deaf and a sign language user. Now I love being a mother to my children and I am a homemaker. I do not care what others think.

People often comment I am a strong woman who is in touch with her feminine side. I have to balance two energies in me because being a single mother is not easy. My ex husband failed to provide for his family. He has drink issue. He was abusive and bullying.

He failed to take his responsibilities. I feel fathers should take the lead, provide for his family and support their wife. I do not judge. I do lots of volunteer work for the community. My best friend is very masculine and her husband is in touch with his feminine side. They have a happy marriage. My other friend is lesbian. Her partner is staying at home looking after kids. She goes out to work to provide for the family.

I think it is more interesting to have the variety of different people with their choices. Some men make excellent nurses. Some women are amazing at directing. I abhor any abuse and violence from either side. I think we are in a very exciting time where people are evolving into expressing who they truly are.

In the past, we were not allowed to express. Tania, the interesting aspect of all this is the polarity of masculine-feminine energies which are at play inside each of us, as well as between our partners. Yes, a predominantly masculine man or woman is deeply served by connecting to his or her feminine expression, as well.

I completely agree with you that there are as many ways a relationship can work as there are relationships on the planet. I wrote this article with predominantly masculine-feminine polarities in mind, and I wrote it from the perspective of what a healthy masculine man generally wants from a feminine woman.

It is been years that i read tons of articles and i never usually leave a comment but your article spoke to me, every single detail here. I saw that these things make or break relationships and how people never look at themselves first but always want to change the other. Again excellent article and i am very glad to see people thinking like this exist.

Keep up the good work. Woman yearns to continually ravished, open to God, open to her deepest feminine self even though she may not know this consciously…. An evolved man knows that though, his mission may be higher that what his woman knows, for he sees the goddess waiting to be awakened, with his third eye seeing beyon the illusion he sees the potential that lies before him, the amazing gift of a fully awakened woman. He too yearns to be blessed by seeing and feeling his woman to be full, open to love by he too yearns to be blessed by the radiance of the awakened goddess, the greatest gift man can ever receive from a woman.

A woman who is truly made love to will radiate with love and happiness, and it will naturally reflect in all the other pointers: So men, do not go for less, women, do not sell yourself short! Very much with Tegan. There are some pretty heavy flaws in your reasoning here and all I see beneath the flourish is same old same old patriarchy; men taking control of their delicate women.

They are social constructs. A set of characteristics lumped together as being admirable and desirable for men or for women. They are not even biologically defined. You leave no room here for gender fluidity. And this stuff about sex and surrendering? You have got to be kidding.

Feeling his woman consistently shut off sexually from him is aggravating beyond description. Hurting, uncontrollable, in the face of cold woman depriving him of access to her body whenever he wants it. And talk about blaming women for the actions of their male partners. Or this is why men sexually assault? Apparently you believe that if a woman likes sex, and likes you, she will automatically want to have it with you whenever YOU ask for it.

Because a woman can have nothing else going on in her life that may come between the liking sex and liking a man and make her not really fancy it tonight. I wonder if you have a female partner? I wonder if you have ever had children?

I wonder if you have ever demanded your NOW sex from a woman who has just had a baby and felt there must be something deeply wrong with her chemistry or something else to make her not fancy it? Clearly this post triggers some passionate anger in you. I can understand why, if you read it through the dirty filter of thousands of years of male oppression and abuse of women and feminine men.

I have 2 strong mothers and 3 powerful sisters, and I have been in relationships with extraordinary women throughout my life. We live in a world of duality. The terms Masculine — Feminine are merely symbolic representations of that duality. They simply enable us to communicate about ideas. In any case, thanks for sharing your perspective. I do understand your upset, but there are other filters you could read this through.

Reblogged this on African by Default and commented: I cannot agree with you that an evolved woman would always be up for sex. This is different to men and the fact that she does not always want sex does not mean there is something un-evolved about her.

Quite the contrary, women have been taught for thousands of years that if she is not always up for it she has a problem. And we are all still being fed this idea through the media. A man who wants his woman to always be up for it is not an evolved man in my view, but a man who feels insecure about himself and needs to feel wanted by her to sooth his insecurity. His inner work is to look at that insecurity and find ways to feel his worth without the sexual affirmation of woman. Bith men and women could then truly evolve together in mutual respect.

I completely agree with you. This article is way too simplistic about the sex thing and totally contradicts itself! People have all kinds of different sex drives and things in their life that get in the way. Love and sex are not the same and unconditional love for someone should not depend on their amount of sex.

I have no control over this! Yea sure most guys WANT a woman who is ravenously sexual for the next 40 years but like, come on. I did write that if their sexual experiences are consistently out of sync, then that man would want to explore it openly and courageously, together.

On the word choice surrender and that the masculine energy needs to lead. I agree because for me as a libra my life goal is to find my perfect partner and aid them with love and companionship. Not loosing sight on my own dreams is of course important, but finding a true companion I can fully submit myself to emotionally, spiritually and faithfully is my ultamite quest.

Thanks so much for sharing your perspective. Thank you so much for writing this. I want a man who wants a woman who embraces this list. Youthful and feisty woman like to be in control , I imagine. There comes a time though when a woman wants to be led — but only by a man who can out-man her.

I will not step aside for a boy who with no direction or one who less capable than me. Trust is the operative word here. I married a slightly younger man and had to take on the masculine — the job of leading. He is slowly evolving but interestingly , by imitating me. A bit creepy , and certainly a turn off. The loss if femininity in role reversal gets tedious. I have not been with such a man, but then again , I suppose its because I have not been fully evolved.

I will know him by his love of my authenticity.. Generations of men have never been shown how to be that man. He probably never had another example.

He likely married you because he unconsciously wanted connection to more of the divine masculine he was seeing in you.

Nice article, and I agree with most of the points until number 5and 6. I feel more comfortable with both members surrendering leadership, allowing the partner whose skills are best suited for the condition to lead at that specific time whilst fully recognizing that at another time they will be following.

Same applies to sex, each partner should be open and trusting enough to ask for sex or postpone. Masculine and Feminine which is not strictly correlated to man and woman do not bring the same gifts to relationship. Her feminine nature desires a masculine man who is worthy of her, a man demonstrating integrity, presence, valor, and who has her complete trust, to take and ravish her.

Many women in our culture today, even if they are predominantly feminine, have learned to express strong masculine energy for all kinds of reasons. Likewise, men in our culture have learned to express more feminine energy.

Relationships become stagnant, boring, two people whose once-juicy sexual polarity has diminished and no longer attracts them sexually to each other. For some people this is just fine.

Boredom in monogamy has become cliche. This is partly why. This was a great read. Good on you for writing this up. I dance tango and there can only be one leader, usually the man. This article has little to do with what men want or need to evolve.

I was beginning to think the evolved man was some kind of mythical creature! I hear that observation from women a lot these days … that of the mythical evolved male creature … I promise you more and more men are waking up to what it means to be mature masculine beings.

There are men doing the necessary work to learn how to fully show up for extraordinary women. Nature only cares about survival and procreation. Humans have made a sensual movement out of relationships — sex is only means to procreate but people want to prolong the sensuality.

Also, there is no such thing as evolution towards a progressive side. Its all a figment of the mind. All this material is fodder for new age BS which folks from west coast US buy a lot.

It is no different than watching kardashian style reality shows. These folks thing they are evolved but they are as much pleasure seekers as anybody else. The folks who create this content end up creating an audience who pay money to them to sustain their business.

David Deeda is one such guru. There are 7 billion people on the Earth — we are not hurting in the procreation department. And Nature seems to take care of overpopulation and add on environmental contamination by humans in many ways — disease, sterility, etc. Humans becoming stewards of the Earth and mindful seems like a very logical evolutionary next step to help our species survive. Who cares if people choose to pay people for their ideas?

This has happened since humans have been alive and that is their contribution to society. Like a modern day shaman or medicine person or philosopher, in a sense — they have always been revered by mankind, as new ideas and thought is also what keeps mankind alive.

Or in an area where they are both strong, they work together. I am a very strong willed woman with a great many strengths and yes, a great many weaknesses; while I recognize in myself that I would like to partner with someone I trust enough to let go, I also maintain that I will only let go when I trust the other person enough to be strong where I am weak; and would hope that my partner trusts and respects my strengths in the same manner.

But I refuse to be with someone who always needs to be the leader. Yes, we have cultivated a world of strong women who have learned to express strong masculine energy. However, after coaching 90 women the last year of my coaching practice, I see over and over how frustrated so many women are because they must constantly express masculine energy to survive, to make money, to simply be taken seriously by men in the workplace.

We need women and men who identify as feminine living in their fullness as radiant thriving feminine beings. Yes, we all have access to the full range of masculine-feminine ways of being.

But I am a predominantly masculine man who has been living my life more in my feminine. And I have seen how detrimental that has been in my relationships with women, whose femininity had them aching for me to express more direction in my life, in our relationship, that would have allowed them to relax and trust my presence.

Clearly every couple has to decide what works for them in how to make decisions. Gender is a continuum, and characteristics such as compassion, leadership, negotiation and stubbornness are personal traits not bound to one end of the gender spectrum or the other.

Power imbalances are deadly to most relationships and to the people involved. TRUST is critical, and vulnerability is a necessary component. I also struggled mightily with 6. I get that, seen through the eyes of a patriarchal system where men have mostly forced and abused the surrender of women, this would seem distasteful and even a step backwards. But I believe when people are deeply connected to their true sexual nature, very different yearnings emerge. I know that not all men are masculine and not all women are feminine.

There is a yearning in his masculine heart, in large part, to passionately ravish his woman. This is about surrendering in love, with complete self-determination paradoxically intact. It is a paradox full of potential riches, the relationship with one so connected to love and trust that she or he, if he identifies more as feminine would willingly surrender her body to her chosen partner because he or she, if she is the more masculine has shown himself worthy of her love and trust, that she implicitly knows her would never heartlessly abuse her surrender.

There are times when such words are unnecessary because passions are awake in both of them, and they know it. But again, you use a phrase that is troubling: If there is resistance and testing there are reasons, and not merely to be cut through—but to be explored, learned and put away ONLY when the time is right.

You need a different model, sir. I use gender-normative terms because it makes the conversation easier. I intentionally made it very clear in the article that no man has a right to own or dominate a woman, nor would a good man even want to.

Surely we can both be ok with that. Hi Brian, thanks for sharing, i enjoy your clarity and care expression, also the interactivity of the comments.

But I appreciate you taking the time to voice your annoyance just the same. You know what fascinates me? You wrote a wonderful article, Bryan. Filled with tremendous important words that we truly need in this new age of time. We and yes, also women! I can only be a strong and vulnerable woman, next to a man who embraces his own strength and vulnerability.

So, to sum up: Your article is doing the world a favor! Al these women are responding to the point of having sex — or not. I could feel it is not even related to this article anymore. However, your article is so delicate and pure that I could heal that collective wound. You explained yourself so, so, so, so, so well. And as a woman I would like to tell you: Sex has absolutely a place in a relationship. Otherwise we would call it a friendship!

This is one of the good guys out there. Cultural differences always play a part in relationships. I wonder how Dutch women respond to this article — I will share with some of my friends this week! Yes this article definitely triggers women in different ways.

I find women who are more dominant in their lives, and clearly want to be, can even get a bit angry at what I suggest here. You repeatedly imply to women who disagree with your assessment that ambition and leadership is anathema to feminine energy that they are simply misunderstanding you, and failing to recognize that you are different than all those oppressive dudes from before.

You may be saying the same exact thing submit, relax, let the man call the shots, be happy with what we tell you makes all women happy but you are different because you are enlightened. Do you realize that every religious man who oppresses women in the name of his spirituality considers himself enlightened within his spiritual context? Honey child, David Deida is a sociopath who objectifies and hates women actually he hates men, too.

Any enlightened woman who reads his crap knows this by page 2. Your purpose in life is about more than feeling safe. Just living in my truth. My sexy, driven, on purpose boyfriend agrees with me, by the way. Somehow he still has his balls AND respects me as his equal. I respect women as my equal, and nowhere do I suggest otherwise.

Which pretty much applies to every single human being. Hate on him if you want. Nor are your opinions … which, by the way, your snide way of engaging me is an angry arrogance that leaves little room for enjoyable discussion. There is room for evolution in our experiencing of each other. In the context of a loving relationship between two people whatever gender mix , surrender of one to the other, even if they take turns surrendering, is essential for deeply passionate love making to even happen.

Without surrender, there are two people whose bodies may touch but whose impenetrable psychological boundaries prevent either one from truly being sexed into bliss. This all speaks truth to me — the final surrender on the dance floor tells me I am not there yet but long to get there in this lifetime.

I long deeply to be met by this depth as I know I can offer it in everything except the above. Where are these deep men — claim me deep masculine. I am a more masculine energy woman in general, and married a man who was not evolved and as Bryan describes.

After my divorce, I dated a man for a short time where I was given the gift of learning how to surrender and how passionate that made me feel about myself, him and life. So young ladies, consider opening your mind to the truth in this article, reduce resistance. Which leads me to my next point….

Revel in the power women yield, dance in the light of womanhood and all the gifts we bring to the table, learn to love self with wild abandon. I love articles that leave me thinking….. There are some out there and I hope another one crosses my path again my ex-husband was one, but there was too big of an age gap between us …. Thank you for your insight Bryan. There is just beingness. Sometimes it means I open myself fully to my man sexually, sometimes in yielding, sometimes I ravish him, other times I nurture him if he is unable to meet me or call him out on it depending on where he is coming from or nurture myself if I am unable to meet him.

At others we meet each other in total passion or sublime nothingness. At still others I go for a coffee, meet my friends or go to work…. Surrender is always for me an internal experience that externally shows up as human or Divine depending on your bent openness, trust, love, creativity, gratitude, compassion, passion etc.

And my day to day life is still a struggle. To the ladies who say "just leave me alone and let me come to you" — I've done this. However, my "bantering" is "annoying as fuck" and makes her feel less interested in being close. But, statistically it's the better plan.

And I hate it. I hate understanding the cause and effect. Before I accepted that my wife was a LDP by a strong margin , I would get home from work anxious as to whether tonight was going to be my lucky night. It took years to build up the rule book of excuses of why tonight was not a good night.

I would ask questions that more or less would rule out subsets of excuses like "did you have a long day? And so she was always showering me with excuses that have relatively easy and simple fixes. I could never understand why she wouldn't fix these things so that she and I could share a closer relationship. Later I realized; she just doesn't want to be close to me. It was simply her reaction to having learned if she says 'no' outright that there are unintentional side-effects to the rejection.

Later, we took a couples communication class. We learned to try saying 'when' instead of saying 'no'. But that was disastrous for us. I would believe that she was actually interested in trying that night, or the next day or whatever. And I would watch, as if by the side-lines, how the common excuses would introduce themselves. A lack of a shower, or watching one episode turn into six. I would ask, "hey are you still interested in tonight? Her response was always "yes". It seemed like she would do anything and everything to avoid ever being close.

And it drove me insane. It hurt my self esteem and I felt more rejected than ever. My mind was at ease during the "waiting period. I didn't think about being close, I didn't feel rejected. But, when those rain checks expired or were renewed I felt worse and worse and worse and worse.

Now, we're at a point where we communicate much better. She knows where I come from. I know where she comes from. We both agree that for us to have a rewarding relationship that she has to work unfortunately! And I know I have to work unfortunately!

But it doesn't fix the problem; she can't hold up her end of the bargain. And now I'm required to shoulder that rejection and disappointment on my own. I'm torn… even a divorce to reset things will just tear me apart. I could never support two families all by myself… and so I feel like if there is any out it's with my motorcycle over a cliff edge. And even then, to fix the physically disconnected problem I'd be creating two other problems — 1 my life insurance has a capped pay-out and 2 neither my wife nor children give a damn about the problem I'd fixed and instead they lose me.

I just feel trapped, used, and I hate myself. I hate being married to someone who can't give me the only thing I can't give myself. Masturbation only reminds me to what extent she avoids being close to me — and let me tell you; it is so depressing. To a person who wrote Sex is what?

You cant even get your pants off in that time. And he makes sure I always finish. If im not in the mood I sometimes just suck it up and still do it. He has always wanted more than me even when dating and doing it every day every other day he would watch porn and do himself on an off day.

Now after 2 kids and 7 years together he still wants that. I dont Im just not that interested. BUT when we took a week off and went to a tropical vacation for a week just 2 of us it was fun to do it every day since you have no responsibilities. Im just tired and sleep is more important usually.

He has accused me of cheating also — and I dont. He just does not get it I dont really care. And all he has to do is to get me horny and be nice about it… if you piss me off the im mad Im not a light switch and can enjoy someone when the have been an ass few hours before… So I shoot for at least once a week and rest of the time he can have fun with himself.

And yes its true headache hurts, and period cramps hurt and there is a PMS for a week so unless you are nice and considerate you are not getting any. Sorry but that's life. Its unreasonable to expect this amazing spontaneous sex every day when you have houses cars jobs and kids. Is anyone being honest here..

Or women want to have sex with you, you should be happy, if you have no interest, don't ,like sex, the marriage makes little sense long term. Partner, and …why would we not teach our kids what to expect, loom for and ask questions about this? Coming from a man perspective: It is equivalent as a man telling his woman that he love her to make her feel loved. Sex whenever the partner wants it is will make a relationship go a long way. If you are not able to have sex due to medical issues or whatever, find other means to please your partner.

Because I really love my wife but I never tell her how I feel because I feel sexually deprived. Once I get sex I can then express my feelings and not be depressed and just revert to playing video games to avoid thinking about sex.

Btw we have sex on the weekend and if I'm lucky on a weekday, but sometimes that is not enough. I just don't get it!!! Women can sit there and get on Facebook or watch other people lives on tv reality shows all day everyday but be ready to get a divorce when it come to pleasing their man for less than 30 minutes. You man think we are being mean or addicts but it really does hurt our feelings when she don't want too have sex. Hi I read this and thougt it would help me out.

I have a boyfriend and I have been with him for 5 years he always wants sex and he is always talking about it and he wants me to be more sexual and be more adventurous but I am not like that at all and its annoying because i keep trying to tell him that but he just gets angry and says whats the point in being in this relationship and that hurts and upsets me because I love him.

I am sexual some times but not all the time like he wants me to and I dont know what to do. Hi anonymous, your sexual preferences are your prerogative to have. If he's pushing you to be more adventurous trying things you're not comfortable with that's not healthy in the relationship at all. Ask him to understand your wishes and come up with other things that you're both comfortable with. I feel awful for all your husbands…wow no wonder men cheat. It seems you women equate sex to sex and not to a connection.

Or being ridiculously selfish and not even wanting your partner to feel good with a bj or hj I think you need to give your heads a shake. Gay Relationship; My bf and I have been together for 2 yrs. The last couple yrs have been alittle stressful for the both of us. Due to some unforseen issues. Can stess and anxity be a cause of low sexual drive?

My parter spends just about ever sec of his day thinking or ingaging in sexual pleasure. May it be browsing Applications like Grindr or hiting up the spa just so he can JO looking at xxx pics on Twitter.. I feel as tho my bf is more about sex then actually connecting on all the other different levels of a relationship. I love hooking up with him but sometimes I feel as though he puts a lot of pressure on sex so it tend to make it more like a job.

He has OCD and likes to have it his way. If I try to talk to him about any of it he always gets upset and finds some way to spin it and make it my fault. He always accuses me of Naggin and whining but a lot of the time its him who is doing it. He gets offened if I even question him on anything. I want to connect with him so we may have a better sexual relationship.

I have tried meditation but he gets bored, He gives me massages to help me relax and that helps us to connect. But even that sometimes causes an issue because he doesn't think he should have to do that all the time. If anyone can help please coment me. The advice on here actually made me feel sick. If a child asks their uncle to stop having sex with them should the uncle stop and leave them alone or should they persuade the child to tell him of what things provoke sexual desire in the body?

It is perfectly possible to be turned on sexually but to really really not want to have sex — I'm sure we can all relate to the time we have felt turned on completely inappropriately and just been very grateful that no-one else around us is aware that we are turned on. Sex is a privilege, not a God given right. Lots of people cannot have sex for various reasons. We expect paedophiles to control their desires for the entirety of their lives, we expect people who are attracted to animals to control their urges.

What is so different about a man with a high sex drive?? I would not say sex is the only thing characterising a romantic relationship — a desire to live together, a commitment to work on relationship difficulties, a close and loving bond, a knowledge of how someone lives, these also characterise these relationships. The expectation that a woman meets her husbands needs sexually characterised marriages before feminism, before we even believed in equality of men and women and in the period of time where rape within marriage was not recognised in law.

I feel that none of the responses except I didn't read all of them because they were making me feel ill actually deal with a very important and it would seem wide-reaching problem: Most marriages begin with the intent of caring for the other person, as they are, not as we wish they would be for us. What happens to that when it becomes obvious men's need for sex is emotional?

Would women whose excuses abound for not having sex be as understanding about husbands who begged off going to work because they just didn't feel like that day? No, because they expect caring for them by earning a living is expected regardless of how they feel that particular day about that loving duty. Why is sex any less a loving duty? It's part of caring for the other that was supposedly what the marriage is about. Oceanlady is all about oceanlady, not caring about and for the other. Justifying self-focus is neither attractive nor particularly loving of the other, which is what the marriage was supposed to be about.

The majority of women commenting here seem to care little about feeling close to their husbands. Aaron's advice seems to validate such self-focus. Men that are jerks should be divorced, not complained about or boycotted. I seriously doubt most men are that dysfunctional until the women they are with begin to think withholding is the only way to care for themselves.

Asking the HDP for self-sacrifice may meet the short-term needs of the LDP but as a long-term strategy, it is incredibly self-defeating as well as unloving. Those who think otherwise need to re-read Nate's comment and ask themselves: If you would, why are you even married? You aren't really interested in caring for the other but you think your needs should be served and come before his.

If you think that's what marriage is, it's no wonder the divorce rate is what it is. The issue isn't slavery, it's the inability to put one's self in the other's position. The Golden Rule is a positive duty, not an "if I get mine, I'll think of the other. That applies also to the HDP but if that one sees it's never understood as reciprocal, it dies a quick death.

Reciprocal support and care keeps love and intimacy alive. Lack of it kills them. This is merely how I see things. Ladies, you say your man wants sex all the time? Let's put the shore on the other foot shall we? Ladies, think of the one thing your husband does for you often that you just love.

Now, instead of him meeting your needs constantly, What if he only did that for you maybe once every month our two? Gets old, doesn't it? The one person who can make you feel so special practically quits whatever act that you lived so much; that drew you closer together. You want that back, and with frequency. It's the same thing. My analogies aren't always spot on, but I think you get drift.

Before marriage, my wife spoiled me with sex three or four times a week. After marriage, less and less. Over the years…now we have sex usually once every two or three months. She has absolutely no libido, while mine is in overdrive. I love my wife without question. Nonetheless, after 26 years, I find myself constantly imagining sex with other women. That I will cheat with another man because I want to be satisfied. I know what to do to make him happy. And the only thing that results from making sex into a duty is having someone who is lying to you.

Most of you men Dont care as long as you get yours but women do. And this results in women having secret affairs cause the other man will work harder to make sure its enjoyable. I don't think women need to be connected to want to have sex.. It was obvious she was being used but it was also obvious she loved it.

My husband and I have been married for 20 years. We are both responsible for the state of our marriage. In the beginning we had frequent enjoyable sex. I didn't always want to have sex, but I wasn't opposed either, so I continued to meet his needs.

It started to get really old when I found myself having sex by simply smiling at him. Anything was a come on to him. Eventually I began to decline, but it didn't matter what my excuse, he would argue manipulate, and pester until he had his way. I have had sex when I was running a fever because "Oh, you are so hot…you feel so good.

When I had stomach flu he was considerate enough to turn me around and do me doggy style so that he wasn't putting pressure on my stomach. In the beginning I believed he would eventually grow up and appreciate all I did for him. We have 3 children and we both work. During my pregnancies he never lifted a finger to help me, I still did all the housework, mowed the lawn cooked, shopped for groceries. He didn't even fix things around the house.

But, he certainly thought my pregnancy was all about him. My big boobs, and the other changes in my body excited him. But, if I would say I have a craving can you get me ice cream. He would say, I'm not falling for that craving bull crap. I am guilty of not standing up to him, of enabling him. We are not having sex very often anymore He has admitted how selfish and stupid he was.

I try to see him in a different light, I try to relax when he touches me, but I cannot. He touches me and I cringe and wish I was anywhere but there.

I sometimes will give him sympathy sex because I feel sorry for him, I know he is feeling rejected and unloved. But, when I do I feel like crap, but I know I did it to myself. It is a catch Not having sex isn't the answer, but I can't continue to let myself be used.

Some of the answers on here do not sit well for me. We have been down that road, and it ends with he will pick up his dirty socks give me a leering look and throw me on the bed. He thinks he gets to decide when my price has been met. I am not interested in foreplay to get me in the mood. I can tolerate a quickie but if he tries to make love with me, it is unbearable.

Did I mention that after about 7 or 8 years of marriage I decided to visit my parents. He was worried because he would have to go 3 or 4 days without sex. He was so distraught while looking at porn he thought it would be a good idea to post some of his own…OF ME!!!! I of course was livid, he thought I should be proud.

I cut him off of taking pictures of me, he was so mad he put up spy cameras and had a huge library before I found out what he was up too. Needless to say there is no trust in our marriage. It sounds hopeless right? Why do I stay? Man, I just stumbled onto this blog because of the headline. I am that HDP husband for which so many anonymous women have such great contempt.

My wife probably feels the same bitterness all of you feel. This is so clear … I need to dump her and never again trap myself in a marriage! Thanks for the clarity! I had sex wid my boyfriend for about 4 times that too months back and now we don't share such relation. My husband and I had so much trouble on the sex front. He said I need it every days or i get angry or If you dont come to me some times wanting it i dont feel loved.

For him sex is love. I would say I love you. But themore you nag, threaten leave threaten violence the less I love you and longer it takes for me to want you. I worked out I want sex times a week which lessened the more threats and nagging. Reason being If I wast up for it we'd have a quicky and it would a couple of days to recover down there and if we did it again too soon before i was ready would take another few days to recover so I never got the chance to really want it cause i always got a shitty quicky.

Everything was my fault. It came down to i didnt love him. He got angry and that was my fault. Now we are living apart and having the sex of our lives because he dosent pressure me, we only see each other 3 times a week and he really pleases me and puts in the effort I deserve and he says …why wasnt it this good before to which i respond he killed my sex drive with threats, blackmail, and overuse. I said I am a very sexual being if you allow it time and nurture it. We will never live together again because I cant risk things going back to the way they were.

There was no respect for my needs but living apart the respect and love is their but due to damage caused over the three year marriag it is over. The kids 3 and 1 will miss out on living with their dad for the sake of prob one night a week extra sex he wanted.

Before you dump her just think about other ways she shiws love for you. Does she tell you she loves you, do your washing, cook for you, clean your skid marks off the toilet? When was the last time you really appreciated her? When was the last tume you did all this for her then got her off for half an hour before making love. Try it champ see what result tou get. I have two toddlers who can wake me up to 6 times a night then get up at and go to sleep at 7pm.

I dont feel like sex much either. I know I'll be back at it when I get back to adult life again but norhing about sleepless nights, nappy changing, picking up toys getting coutless meals a nd drinks and doing mountains of washing gets me in the mood. OMG What people put up with! This is a real eye opener. Its up to you hun but please just answer me this do you want your boys to grow up and be like him or for your girls to look for a similar man for their partner?

If your daughter was in this relationship what would you say to her? Now take your own advice. Wow, reading this I'll never get married — women moaning because their husband wants sex times a week! Two weeks after my ceaser my husband tried to have sex with me even though our doctor told him he should wait 6 weeks then he tried again at three weeks even tho this was very painful I said nothing.

Some men are just selfish and don't care about their partners wellbeing. He also blamed his anger on lack of sex and raised his hand to hit me but obviously thought better of it cause I was pregnant. This kind of behaviour is what breaks up marriages. Women arent slot machines we have feelings guys. Marriages arent easy but if you only have sex twice a week when you are dating dont expect more when your married or even as much when you have little kids.

No one has the right to blackmail and emotionally abuse another person just walk away its kinder in the end. I bet if men more commonly had erection problems they would be more understanding. Its because of our anatomy they assume we're ready all the time.

It's soo depressing, I am the HDP male in the relationship. I just want to connect with my life partner. I always thought if it was real and true it would not be a chore at all. I certainly don't want to be "stuck in a marriage where the partner begrudgingly let's them have sex on rare occasions". What a draining experience… confused and frustrated much!

I think you are presenting things from a patriarchal male viewing point. Not really balanced and practically all these comments here are from women who feel pressured into sex, not men. There is a huge difference in a loving, thoughtful man being constantly rejected and a selfish jock expecting a women to be there servicing his needs on demand, no matter how tired she is.

A selfish man is not loving or thinking of the relationship or his woman. Really if a man cant let a tired woman sleep, or contribute more so she isnt exhausted, why should a woman be too worried about his needs. Please try address this problem from a less elfish male perspective. I have been shocked at the chauvinistic answers here pretty much telling women they MUST do this or that to 'keep' or to please a selfish man!!!

I guarantee that if men did more work in the relationship, you would suddenly see a huge shift. These men have quite idle hands, thats why their partners are exhausted. Now how much fun to see all these men worn out and their wives refreshed enough to feel frisky!!

If your partner has this much energy, and you are exhausted, sit back and be sure he gets to use all that energy up doing the things that exhaust you! Im sick of women expected to work fulltime, care for the kids, family, house, cats dogs, endless to do lists, little sleep and then be a porn queen!

These are not little boys, they are men, men who took vows to be with their woman. Sometimes there will be sickness, poverty, less sex, but you've had the honeymoon period, sometimes you have to soldier on. You cant expect sex on tap every day of married life. Use that energy to help your partner and enrich your lives in other ways, many, many ways to use energy showing love.

And usually women will come around if they arent sick, exhausted, pestered and if they feel loved. My husband is taking prescribed testosterone and over the counter testosterone and pre-work out drinks. He is 61 years old and wants sex all the time. He talks about sex all the time always touching and groping.

He has lost weight and gets angry and stand offish. I feel this is not normal. This weekend after two nights of hours of groping and sex each night the last night he said thanks for doing your wifely duties. I just threw away one of his over the counter male testosterone creams.

I have emailed his doctor and told him of his anger and that friend have commented on his moods. I feel like a sex slave to his moods. I am starting to break out and think his testosterone creams are rubbing off on me. I am a successful business woman. I don't need to be married to any man who will not stop this nonsense. Let me start by saying that I am a man, I have been with my wife for two years. As a man I do want sex…a lot. I try not to put pressure on my wife about sex and for the most part I wait for her to initiate.

It is hard at times because I do love her and I do think she is beautiful and sexy. We have talked about sex on numerous occasions. I feel bad because she wants to want sex with me. I know she loves me and I know she still thinks that I'm hot. I get all of the flirting and comments from her just not the sex. I am keeping my disappointment and my frustration to my self because we have talked and I know it makes her feel worse about it and I don't want that.

I know that its not her fault and there isn't anything she or I can do about it. I have tried everything and nothing seems to work for me. When I get home from work I deal with the household chores or at very least we do them together and I help with the kids and supper just to take some of the day to day stress off of her. It still hasn't helped. I've gotten to the point where I don't mention sex anymore just because I don't want to fight, I don't want her to feel bad, and I don't want to feel rejected.

It seems to have helped with our relationship just not with our sex life. I think sex is an important part of a relationship, and by sex I mean healthy sex where both people want sex and it doesn't feel like a chore.

She has told me that even if she doesn't want sex she would still do it with me. I told her that I don't want that, that I don't want our sex life to turn into a duty or a chore.

I want it to be great and not feel like we are just going through the motions. The pleasure for me comes from the connection and intimacy and knowing that she is satisfied. Its hard for me because I want that connection so bad and I just can't have it. So my question is: It seems like there is nothing I can do to make her want sex. And I don't want her to force herself to have sex. Is the spark and the passion gone?

Should I just reside to the fact that I won't be having much sex? I should mention that we are both in our late 20s and healthy. And that in our relationship there are really no other problems. No infidelity or anything like that. We are open and talk about our issues with eachother. Lady , where you dropped on your head as a baby?

Grow up in the 40's or 50's? Aaron, are you a REAL counselor, or just some quack? I do believe that when anonymous said she wanted her man to leave her alone completely and just cuddle, she meant that as, how can she get her man to just be intimate in a NON sexual way for a period of time? Omg my man-child boyfriend is pretty much the exact same way as your man! Anyone ever thought of the husbandly duties of being a protector and a provider of happiness? What about the common marriage; wife stays at home, husband works full time.

He's off making the money to create a home atmosphere to allow the woman to show him love through the household duties. This is coming from an emotional man who only wants sex if happy emotionally, and I'm an hdp.

I am the LSD in our marriage. I do agree that in the beginning, sex was great then reality sets in since marriage is not a bed of roses and requires constant work. Connection is lost and whether we admit it or not, the refusal to have sex is triggered by some resentment unmet expectations. We women see sex more as an emotional connection and when that connection is lost, sex is a challenge.

Men are genetically programmed to want to have sex all the time. That explains the need. I think it is natural to require it from his spouse after all he is married to her. Sorry ladies, got to accept that and I do believe in the author's advise that we need to look deep into ourselves and our relationship.

What helps me is seeing the good in my husband. Sometimes, it is easy to search what is lacking in our marriage rather than appreciating the good things that we do have. Afterall, no one is perfect and nor relationship is.

It is not going to be easy. I am still struggling. The solution you provide here does nothing to serve the 'low desire partner. The HDP needs to learn how to deal with their insatiable sexual appetite out of respect for what their low desire partner wants.

You're making it all about the horny one in this write-up. HDP's need to accept the fact that they have high sex drives, and they need to find other outlets and not harass their partners constantly. Telling the LDP to 'figure out a way to enjoy more sex' by 'coaching their high desire partner and giving them road signs' is absolutely ridiculous. High desire people need to get real and take some responsibility for their sexualities and not dump the entire burden onto their partners.

I have been married less than 1 year. It is a second marriage for both of us. My husband's first wife denied him sex. I said when we got married that I would never do that but I feel he takes advantage of it. I have not denied him at all but we have had sex many times when I have been sick or just not feeling up to it. However, many times when I wanted sex he conveniently fell asleep. He cheated on me twice before marriage and I am concerned about it. Just wanted to say this: He is 56 and I am Shortly after we were married I became ill several female surgeries, fibromyalgia, lupus.

He has been quite adamant about me not "wanting" him sexually, not finding him desirable anymore etc. The Environmental Working Group issued a report Wednesday showing that more than a dozen popular cereal and breakfast items contain dangerous levels of a cancer-causing pesticide.

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