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While on a trip to check out graduate programs, Alexis, 24, went out drinking and met S. Six months later, Alexis relocated to the area for school and she and S. For five months, they had sex every day. Then things slowly began to shift.

Alexis' previous relationship had ended after her then-boyfriend cheated on her, and Alexis worried that less frequent sex meant she and S.

I really like it when we have sex, but I could have sex with anybody. I want to hang out with you,'" said Alexis. The couple settled into a new rhythm, which Alexis described as "when it happens, it happens It's just we're doing other things. Conventional thinking tells us that relationships between young people are supposed to be hot and heavy. Millennials, in particular, are a generation raised on internet porn and Cosmopolitan erotica. They want more sex, hotter sex, now.

Except, of course, when they don't. Plenty of young couples, like Alexis and S. For these couples, infrequent intercourse isn't a sign of flagging intimacy or reduced attraction.

They just don't feel the need to make love very often. Perhaps the best data about how frequently couples have sex comes from the Kinsey Institute. A survey of more than 2, married men found that nearly 46 percent of and year-olds, and 37 percent of to year-olds, said they had sex two to three times per week, compared to just 27 percent of to year-olds, 20 percent of to year-olds and 15 percent of to year-olds.

In a similar vein, to year-olds were far more likely than their older counterparts to have sex four or more times per week, while to year-olds were the age group least likely to have sex only monthly, or a few times per year. Yet Mintz said it's a mistake to think that every happy, healthy couple enjoys a single, normalized level of sexual activity.

Because the discussion of sexual subjects has historically been taboo in so many societies, historians know very little about couples' sex lives through the ages, explained Elizabeth Reis, a professor of women's and gender studies at the University of Oregon. The Internet is saturated with lists and articles extolling the many virtues of having more sex this site being no exception. One particularly insistent blog post on the website of the celebrity heath professional Dr.

The post's author, Dr. Corey Hebert, calls this "horrible" and a "disturbing trend. All of which means that couples like Erin, 30, and her year-old fiance T. When they first got together, the duo took their time sexually, kissing and holding hands for the first few months.

Once they began having intercourse, they settled into a pattern of sleeping together between two and four times a month. But a year into the relationship, Erin overheard T. She asked her girlfriends, who assured her their sex lives were also "dying down" -- but for them, that meant sex two or three times a week. Am I not asking for it enough? Is he seeing someone else and drawing away from me? I started thinking all these horrible thoughts. Erin started initiating sex more often -- not because she craved it, but because she wanted the validation.

But it wasn't any good. Then one day, after months of stressing, Erin decided to stop putting so much pressure on herself, and the couple slipped back into the schedule that felt right for them. And we have a phenomenal sex life," she said. Lindsay, 34, and her wife, 36, have been together since their late 20s. Like many couples, they went through what Lindsay called a "very hot and heavy period. But not for her.

Lindsay told HuffPost that she and her wife have had sex two and a half times in the past year, "and I don't really count that half. Lindsay masturbates once a week to meet her sexual needs and has, on several occasions, tried to get her wife to participate or at least watch, but to no avail. Am I going to trade something that we've built for a fling with someone I don't care about? And that is the central paradox with sex and relationships, said Barry McCarthy, a professor of psychology at American University and a certified sex and marital therapist.

When a marriage or a relationship is healthy, sex generally plays a relatively small role. But when there are sexual problems, the relationship becomes subverted and sex quickly becomes an all-consuming concern. The key to a healthy sexual arrangement, said McCarthy, lies not in meeting arbitrary benchmarks, but rather in creating a unique sexual lifestyle that works for both partners.

McCarthy emphasized that sex and sexuality can be about so much more than intercourse. Some couples have sex infrequently, but have other ways of expressing their sensuality think body massages and head rubs , playfulness say, playing Twister or giggling together in bed , or giving each other pleasure without penetration.

Do they emphasize intimacy? It's about figuring out who you are. For Alexis and S. One of us can't go to bed without the other person going to bed at the same time, because we always hold each other," Alexis said.

But neither she nor her boyfriend are particularly troubled by it, nor are they unfulfilled. Alexis said she cannot speak to S. More often than not, if she feels like masturbating, she simply initiates sex -- and "when we have sex," she said, "it's great. Marriage isn't currently on the table for Alexis and S. She imagines their sex life will continue on at a similar pace, and she said the idea of that fills her with contentment.

Some of their partners' first initials have also been changed. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. Similarly, it's "an increasingly new phenomenon that we have expectations," said Mintz. For other couples, however, infrequent sex is the result of an uneasy compromise. Go to mobile site.

What Makes for Great Sex? - The Sex MD

I recently watched Hall Pass , too. Like Pepper, I found it eminently forgettable. Polygamy was common in the Bible. In ancient Britain, that well-known sex commentator Julius Caesar reported that its counterpart, polyandry one woman, several men , was a common practice. And the Lusi of Papua, New Guinea, believe that healthy fetal development requires pregnant women to have intercourse with many men.

Finally, some cultures have standing free-for-alls: In , anthropologist Thomas Gregor counted 88 active sexual relationships among the 37 adults of a single village in the Amazon. Non-monogamy occurs in urban tribes, too. The former are open to anyone; the latter are open to couples and single women. This explains why some couples consider it more of a risk to insist on monogamy and create the conditions for secret affairs than to grant a hall pass every now and then.

With a third couple, the two spouses are monogamous at home but grant each other hall passes when they travel solo for business.

Each partner is allowed to visit his or her secondary about once a month or when the spouse is out of town. But we enjoy playing outside our marriage, usually with people we both know socially, sometimes with people one of us knows from work. Arrangements that work well may look bizarre to outsiders. Read more from Dr. Pepper Schwartz and Michael Castleman. See the AARP home page for deals, savings tips, trivia and more. You are leaving AARP. Please return to AARP. Tips include eating more chocolate….

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Our sex expert and therapist gives her advice for reigniting the…. Reignite your dopamine with a fresh experience. I started thinking all these horrible thoughts. Erin started initiating sex more often -- not because she craved it, but because she wanted the validation. But it wasn't any good. Then one day, after months of stressing, Erin decided to stop putting so much pressure on herself, and the couple slipped back into the schedule that felt right for them.

And we have a phenomenal sex life," she said. Lindsay, 34, and her wife, 36, have been together since their late 20s. Like many couples, they went through what Lindsay called a "very hot and heavy period. But not for her. Lindsay told HuffPost that she and her wife have had sex two and a half times in the past year, "and I don't really count that half. Lindsay masturbates once a week to meet her sexual needs and has, on several occasions, tried to get her wife to participate or at least watch, but to no avail.

Am I going to trade something that we've built for a fling with someone I don't care about? And that is the central paradox with sex and relationships, said Barry McCarthy, a professor of psychology at American University and a certified sex and marital therapist.

When a marriage or a relationship is healthy, sex generally plays a relatively small role. But when there are sexual problems, the relationship becomes subverted and sex quickly becomes an all-consuming concern. The key to a healthy sexual arrangement, said McCarthy, lies not in meeting arbitrary benchmarks, but rather in creating a unique sexual lifestyle that works for both partners.

McCarthy emphasized that sex and sexuality can be about so much more than intercourse. Some couples have sex infrequently, but have other ways of expressing their sensuality think body massages and head rubs , playfulness say, playing Twister or giggling together in bed , or giving each other pleasure without penetration. Do they emphasize intimacy? It's about figuring out who you are. For Alexis and S. One of us can't go to bed without the other person going to bed at the same time, because we always hold each other," Alexis said.

To have the best sex possible, foreplay is crucial. Also, amazing music, which he is really great at curating — it's one more thing that I fought. A long time ago, I remember being out with a female friend who told me she occasionally fantasized about other men when having sex with her boyfriend. At the. In fact, once you stop thinking of sex as this linear activity, you open yourself up for a In other words, touching this area feels damn good.