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Glover holds a PhD in marriage and family therapy and is himself a recovering Nice Guy. As a result of over 30 years of clinical work with countless men and women, Dr. Glover has become widely recognized as a leading authority on the Nice Guy Syndrome. Glover lives in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, where he writes and leads workshops and seminars for men. Would you like to tell us about a lower price?
If you are a seller for this product, would you like to suggest updates through seller support? Originally published as an e-book that became a controversial media phenomenon, No More Mr. Robert Glover has dubbed the "Nice Guy Syndrome" trying too hard to please others while neglecting one's own needs, thus causing unhappiness and resentfulness.
It's no wonder that unfulfilled Nice Guys lash out in frustration at their loved ones, claims Dr. He explains how they can stop seeking approval and start getting what they want in life, by presenting the information and tools to help them ensure their needs are met, to express their emotions, to have a satisfying sex life, to embrace their masculinity and form meaningful relationships with other men, and to live up to their creative potential.
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Attract Women Through Honesty. The Way of the Superior Man: The Dating Playbook For Men: About the Author Dr. Running Press Adult; th edition January 8, Language: Start reading No More Mr. Nice Guy on your Kindle in under a minute. Don't have a Kindle?
Share your thoughts with other customers. Write a customer review. Read reviews that mention nice guy nice guys read this book guy syndrome must read great book life changing reading this book highly recommend years ago every man robert glover self help recommend this book needs met breaking free changed my life excellent book changed my life highly recommended. There was a problem filtering reviews right now.
Please try again later. I can't get through to him and it seemed like he was trying to go about things in unhealthy ways that, from what I see, wasn't helping.
This all has been happening these past couple of months and frankly I was getting hurt and pushed away no matter what I tried to do to help him. One night after googling what he has been going through, I found out that he was a classic 'self shamer'.
Down to the T. In one of the articles I read, this book was mentioned so I looked into it on here. I ordered it right away and although my husband was reluctant to even go near this book, as he felt what good what come from it, I began reading out loud to him from the book.
Just getting through the first chapter had him hooked and wanting to know more. He's not much of a reader, so I've still been reading out loud to him which I feel has helped us both. He can see what he is doing, and I can know how better to help him. He still isn't fully out of his funk, but at least he has agreed to go through counseling to help get back on track because of this book.
And while I'm still feeling down and lonely because of whatever he is going through too, at least it gives me a little hope that this book will work. As I said, I'm just a woman, but if your partner is feeling like theyre getting no where in life, or that they feel as if they have basically failed at everything, then read this book.
If you see them struggling, read this book because it has a lot of insight of what is going on. And it can even help you. Most of them half read. This was the one I needed. I learned how to admit and define my position in relationships. I found the opposite to be true, I found it let me open up to the love that was already around me but that I had been holding away, because I thought I wanted something else.
This book is the path to true masculinity. In this book, Dr. Glover gives a very detailed and thorough plan for recovering and kicking the "nice guy syndrome". This book can see right into the soul of the Nice Guy. To be able to break free of old patterns and create the future as something new Is a something that will stick with me for a long time. I really wished that the contrasted the two figures against each other to see how they handled different situations.
Nice Guy is a book for almost every man in this day and age. If you are intruiged by the concept, buy the book. It is something you will not regret. This is one of the best self help books I have read.
Perhaps because I was ready to hear what it had to say, or perhaps because it was just that good. The book clearly pointed out the underhanded ways I was trying to control and influence the relationship, all unbeknownst to me. The secret deals you make, or "covert contracts" as Glover calls them, were alive in my behavior and severely damaging the relationship.
Nice Guy" isn't about not being nice. It is, in fact, about being nice It explains why Nice Guys really aren't all that nice and clearly demonstrates how changes in behavior can dramatically transform your relations in a very positive way. While I've only finished this book about a week ago, I'm already noticing the positive aspects in my life and improvement in my relationships.
This is not only true of my personal relationships, but also true of my relationship with myself. That said, this book, to a large extent, could also have been named "No More Ms. Nice Gal" since there is a lot that women could also learn by reading it, no only about the man in their life, but also about themselves and their relations.
Every man must read this book that has ever wondered why the girls choose the jerks over them, even though that same girl has said she wants a "nice guy, that is sweet, supports me, provides for me, etc This is why she chooses the jerk Same for married guys like me if you feel like you do everything for your family, but its underappreciated Thank Robert Glover and me later. Yes, I'm still married. See all 1, reviews.
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If she fails to read their secret feelings, Nice Guys become embittered and blame her for taking advantage of them and their niceness. The site is particularly critical of what they see as hypocrisy and manipulation on the part of self-professed Nice Guys. From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. For the Eminem song, see Kamikaze Eminem album.
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Journal of Sex Research. Five factors in mate selection and marital satisfaction". Shapiro, Yale University Press, , p. While I've only finished this book about a week ago, I'm already noticing the positive aspects in my life and improvement in my relationships. This is not only true of my personal relationships, but also true of my relationship with myself. That said, this book, to a large extent, could also have been named "No More Ms. Nice Gal" since there is a lot that women could also learn by reading it, no only about the man in their life, but also about themselves and their relations.
Every man must read this book that has ever wondered why the girls choose the jerks over them, even though that same girl has said she wants a "nice guy, that is sweet, supports me, provides for me, etc This is why she chooses the jerk Same for married guys like me if you feel like you do everything for your family, but its underappreciated Thank Robert Glover and me later.
Yes, I'm still married. See all 1, reviews. See all customer images. Most recent customer reviews. Published 3 days ago. Published 13 days ago. Published 18 days ago. Published 22 days ago. Published 25 days ago. This book isn't just for "nice guys".
Published 1 month ago. Amazon Giveaway allows you to run promotional giveaways in order to create buzz, reward your audience, and attract new followers and customers. Learn more about Amazon Giveaway. Set up a giveaway. Customers who viewed this item also viewed. Pages with related products. See and discover other items: There's a problem loading this menu right now. Learn more about Amazon Prime. Get fast, free shipping with Amazon Prime.
Get to Know Us. English Choose a language for shopping. Amazon Music Stream millions of songs. Amazon Advertising Find, attract, and engage customers. Amazon Drive Cloud storage from Amazon.
Alexa Actionable Analytics for the Web. AmazonGlobal Ship Orders Internationally. Its amazing how she had a knack of convincing me many of our issues were because of me. She engaged in black and white thinking, projection, snarky comments sprinkled with predictors about our not yet failed relationship, the inability to talk about an issue between us, circular arguments, and the list goes on… I question everything she told me about her previous relationships.
I also suspect she might have lied about men from her past relationships having continued interest. You made a comment about a how an ex of someone suffering from BPD might come off as having a mental illness himself if he tries to explain the relationship dynamic. That is exactly what I feel like. I choose not to talk about it too much. I will heal and move forward. I choose to trust, although not blindly. I would rather trust and be open again for love even risking getting burned than be untrusting and never have a chance at intimacy.
Bill, I am in agreement with you that a nice guy type should not let go of his tendency to trust. It is a great capability, and with the proper vetting nice guy and nice girl types have a tremendous amount to give in a relationship and have the aptitude to develop relationship skills that can easily sustain a relationship for a lifetime.
I honestly was starting to question my own memory and perhaps my sanity too. She was so confident and insisted what she told me I said were my exact words. Perhaps a form of gas-lighting—although not consciously. Could it be a skewed sense of reality and filling in the blanks for the way she was feeling at the time by re-writing history?
Bill, your experience with your ex is very common for those with traits of BPD. We can understand them a little better if we apply the phenomenon of paranoia that all human beings are susceptible to.
We can imagine a spectrum of paranoia where most of us are on one side where a campfire story might give us the willies and the other end of the spectrum is where the person is literally delusional. If an individual is not anchored by reality because of too high a setting of emotionality, their memories can stretch, shrink or become distorted.
Because the emotion that those with traits of BPD suffer from the most is fear of judgment from others, distortion of what is said to them by loved ones is predictible. The reason that people with traits of BPD are so certain that their distorted memories are accurate is because for them, emotions are like a sixth sense. They depend on the information their emotions give them in the same way the rest of us depend on our vision or our hearing.
Telling them that their emotional perceptions are wrong feels like someone telling them what they see is an illusion. It throws them into cognitive dissonance. An great example the best I can think of , how she twists things, what she hears: But an insecure partner will superimpose their insecurity bias on what they are told. To them a comment like this feels like a threat of abandonment. Your experience illustrates one of the reasons why relationships between healthy individuals and those with strong traits of BPD do not work.
A person with strong traits BPD can only keep their insecurity at bay if they believe that their partner could not live without them. Initially they try to create a relationship where both partners are so obsessively focused on each other that each feels like they would die if they were apart. But this state of mind soon catches up with the insecure partner with traits of BPD.
Once they have created enough security to calm their fears, they find they are too insecure to handle the pain they would feel if the partner ever did leave them. They often leave the partner first. Because they are unaware that the person with traits of BPD has created this extreme type of emotional bond, they have no idea why they are left experiencing such overwhelming grief. I will give my comments in 2 parts.
So, this is the 1st part. This is just WOW x times! Thank you very much! I found this article by googling something like this: I have spend hundreds of hours reading about BPD, but now I have found an article, that helps me to understand, who I am.
It seems that I am a nice guy, and I will it explain in in the text, but I should say some words about my experience with BPD. Long story short — I was together with a woman for Actually, my ex-wife kinda blamed me that I could live in a cave and still be happy.
I fully agree with this, unless you have a bad health or you can not take care of your kids. So, here comes the first thing about me a nice guy! I could not understand and accept it, as: After a year when I was wondering, why she has been so crazy and with no logic in the way she reacts I realized that most likely she has BDP. After i realize that she has BPD, I wanted to be her hero, who could save her. I perceived it a knife in my back as a treason in the worst possible way, as we are still married… Why we were married by that time?
Now I want divorce too and I feel relieved that this is over. Or in more simple words — I have finally realized that she really is a crazy b! Thank you for your story. It illustrates how many different personality types can be within the nice guy type.
It also shows us that not every personality type is deeply hurt or damaged in a psychological way by BPD behavior. Once again — thank you for this article, at it explains a lot to me. What make me wondering — is there a nice guy, who actually is in the end of the under-dependency?! It seems that I am that person, and I will explain why.
And I have never felt that I need someone… Yes, I like to spend time with my friends, but I have never missed them… I have never missed my father, who left when I was 3 years old as this is opposite to my twin, who felt that something is missing in his life.
This is why I sometimes feel strange — from one side I love people and take care of them, and I trust in them more than a average person , but from another side — I can become a really evil person, if I feel that someone is mistreating badly me or other people actually, I get more angry is someone is hurting my friends than myself.
For example, every time I see pickpockets trying to steal from random people, I have to gather myself not to punch them in the face and throw them down from the stairs. I was reluctant to leave a comment, but maybe it will help me to continue to move forward instead of always going back. A professional woman, incredibly driven and successful, as well as beautiful and alluring. However, after working with her for two years, watching her every day, I became uncontrollably drawn to her charisma and ability to draw people to her.
I am somewhat of an introverted, shy person, so I found her that much more attractive because she was so outgoing. Did I mention beautiful? Every man who met her flirted with her.
I finally mustered up the courage to confess my love to her, probably a mistake to use the word love right off the bat but I was overcome with emotion at the time. She told me she was flattered but was seeing someone, and I was just proud of myself for having the courage to tell her my feelings. A few days later she told me she broke up with her boyfriend, I thought I had won the relationship lottery!
The woman of my dreams…. Setting that stage, we began dating and everything moved very rapidly. I discovered pretty quickly that she smoked cigarettes and drank quite a bit after work, she said because her work was very stressful and she did these things to relax. I was so enamored with her I accepted these behaviors-although I would never normally date a smoker as I am very health conscious. I also discovered she took a mild sedative to sleep at night, she told me due to a long standing battle with insomnia.
Again, I was so in love I just figured what sort of insensitive man would judge someone for these actions? Things moved very rapidly, and after about a month I moved in with her. She was telling me she was going to marry me someday and I just was hypnotized.
It was a fabulous time. Soon after that, she began to get very anxious, and almost all our evenings were spent drinking a few glasses of wine. At some point, I experienced her first episode of anger and contempt for me, telling me she left her boyfriend for me, and she made a mistake, and he loved her more than I did. I should have got up and walked away that moment, but I was crushed and felt guilty for letting down this woman who was my friend for two years, now my girlfriend.
I was completely crushed and confused- I knew this woman for two years! Needless to say, no matter what I did, there was always something she focused on that made me untrustworthy. I thought I was losing my mind, and I began to feel I was actually untrustworthy. I began to get into arguments with her- trying to rationally explain my side, all that did was escalate the situation. I had nowhere to go of course. This became the norm- demanding to see my phone, constant interrogations, humiliating comments, and even once she sunk her teeth into my wrist to try to get me to release my phone.
Over this period I was severely demasculinated- I cried, begged her not to break up with me, crawled on the floor, cowered in fear.. The interesting thing is that the next morning after each of these episodes, she would reset like nothing happened, and at work she was her normal, productive, helpful self. I really thought something was wrong with me, and she was very willing to promote this belief.
I lived with that fear every day, men were always in the periphery of our lives. I was alienating my friends and family. One morning while she was at work, I moved out. I was dying every moment away from her, like a heroine addict away from his drug fix.
After about two weeks apart, she began dating another man. About this time, I received a text from my ex girlfriend, and unbelievably without a second thought I dropped the new girl like a bad habit, and ran straight back to my ex. She told me our time apart made her miss me and realize I was the man for her, although she confessed to me she had a sexual relationship with the other guy while we were apart.
I had high hopes thinking everything would be different this time. Well, it was, this time there really was no idealization phase, we fell right back into the same pattern as before- me trying to prove I was trustworthy, and punctuated by some good days in between. This was just before Thanksgiving Needless to say, I held on through more humiliation, physical violence, drinking, and sleeping pills.
I wanted to leave on a good note. That brings me to the present. It is a constant, daily struggle not to want to run back to her. My friends and family are dumbfounded, and I have nearly lost them. Yet I still say I love this woman desperately, despite the hitting, kicking, biting, and most venemous words I have ever heard from a woman.
If you ask her, she will tell you our problems were minor and our fights were few and far between. I still tell myself I screwed up my chance at lifelong happiness with my dream girl- somehow I broke her trust and yet she is still waiting for me to be the man she believes I am.
The only thing that keeps me from running back again are these websites where I can make a little sense of what happened. And my friends are still there trying to keep me focused on moving forward.
I just feel I will never feel the chemistry I felt with my ex girlfriend, who it seems has traits of BPD personality even though in every other aspect of life she is successful. I hope this is not the case and that I will be able to carry on a healthy relationship in the future. Thank you for the helpful articles…. Kevin, thanks for your story. It is truly a cautionary tale for those who may be on the fence about staying in one of these very damaging relationships.
Thank you for sharing your experience. What you have described has many parallels to what I have been, and currently am experiencing. It feels good to know I am not alone in these experiences. Also, there was no devaluation phase in my case. I was the one who eventually left because my mental health was suffering.
She told me she would do anything to make it work and she contacted me daily to try to keep us together. But even apart from her, she continued to call me names, lash out with angry texts, and blame me for everything.
She said I was the one who gave up, not her. And believe me, every day is a fight not to go back to her because of my emotional attachment and feeling like I abandoned her and lost my dream girl. Kevin, sorry about your experience. That is more intense than my experience for sure. Mine was successful in every other part of her life too. I have been out of my relationship with a BPD for a little over a month. I will tell you it is hard. Recently, I blocked her on all social media and both phone and text messaging.
I am resisting the urge to go back simply because I realize that the exuberant relationship we once had was based on a fabrication. It was based on her ability to mirror me. This person was never as compatible as I thought. I know its not easy but try to keep those concepts in mind. I think learning all you can about this disorder can help.
Goes to show you how they need to find a replacement since they cannot be alone for long. I feel sorry for the next guy. We are healthy and can find a meaningful, healthy relationship.
They will always be caught in the same cycle. It makes me sad because I still care about her but also realize that is her issue and not mine. There is truly nothing I can do. I think coming to these realizations can help. Thank you for your great website. My life has been turned upside down since meeting a girl who fits many of the descriptions of BPD.
We dated for 2 years however the last year was long distance. We are from different countries and cultures and I was living in her country alone at the time.
I tried to talk her out of the idolisation but realised it was not quite getting through. I thought at the time well its not a bad thing. However after 3 months things started to change. At first the constant and aggressive requests to marry her. She persisted with this for the rest of the relationship. After this extreme jealousy started with checking my social media accounts. Contacting my friends using my account and creating fake profiles of me spreading lies in it.
Also many bullying messages to me. Around this time violent outburst started to happen. However threats of suicide and pulling a knife on me was seriously shocking. I tried to break it off but we were both to weak to not get back together. I feel I have nice guy traits and tried my best to rationalise her thinking and mine also. Deep down and logically I knew it was a disaster in the making but could not break myself free.
I had no support group around due to living in a foreign country. Thus she had me with a pregnancy and ticket to marriage. However I said I still would not marry her as I was scared of the behaviour. Eventually she took an abortion which is something that has scarred me for life as I was part of the decision. Also it has scarred her and I feel terrible about it.
At this point my coworkers got involved as she smashed my apartment up after I told her my final thoughts. Tbh I forgive her for this due to the situation. After this against my coworkers advice I still let her back in.
The same behaviour quickly started again. Violence and bullying tactics, threatening to contact my work manager and coworkers telling them xyx. Which she did much to my extreme embarrassment and shame when arriving to work. Stealing my phone and finding out the pass code. Eventually coming to my workplace and causing a scene. At which point I had to go to the police on my works request. This caused even more problems and she started stalking me, waiting for me at my apt or going to my work.
This happened again in which the police were called a second time. This was another harrowing experience hearing her screaming from another cell while the police questioned me. Finally after the humiliation of my disaster of a relationship being made public and causing me to leave my dream job at the time I had to return home.
Despite this i still kept contact. Eventually I returned to her country but with a distance. The story is even longer and wild but you get the picture. The good times were amazing and the bad times were hell.
Somehow I conveniently forget the bad times and naively think it would be different. Charles, thanks for sharing your story. It illustrates how quickly what seems to be a fairly normal relationship can escalate into a life-threatening and even life-ruinous situation. This method shows you easy techniques that let you reverse the negative behaviors of high conflict personalities. Carlos June 23, at 2: Joanna Nicola June 23, at 7: Rebecca March 21, at
Too many otherwise good men are bashing the nice guy. I am not talking of constructive criticism but of blaming the nice guy as if he was morally evil or guilty. I love sites like Big Naturals because they always seem to find girls with great attitudes and amazing racks. Layla London is a great example, this girl has a near flawless DD rack and she isn’t shy to show them off! Nice big nipples, nice shape, and let me tell you, those jumbo tits wiggle and jiggle when she fucks! Updated Weekly with Exclusive Videos; Videos Stream on any Mobile Device; All Videos are Available for Download with no DRM; Sort by .