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Whether you've just met or are worried it's all over, having the right sex can change your world. According to Hollywood, all it takes to fall in love is one epic, mattress-wrecking sex session. But can the way you have sex actually make a man fall uncontrollably in love with you? And will the way he touched your body leave you emotions totally out of control? During sex, men and women release the bonding chemical oxytocin and the reward chemical dopamine - it's highly potent combination that not only makes you crave more sex, but actually ties that craving to your sexual partner.
Cosmo discovers how you keep that heart-throbbing passion alive Sex when you've just met. How do you create intimacy when you barely know each other and the only thing you currently bond over is a shared love of Gavin and Stacey?
That horrible feeling that you're more into this relationship than he is. Playing coy may seem old-fashioned, but the chemistry really does uphold the theory. Men don't form attachment through crazy sex; that's just chemical lust, which fades. The long they go without reward, the more they repeat attempts to get it - and repetition forges a strong connection.
For women, however, oxytocin is the primary love glue, stimulated by touch, trust and being protected. The longer you hold back from actual intercourse, the more the trust can build - and the more oxytocin gets released via all that lovely touching.
So explore the unusual but not too freaky places; try the earlobes, the area between the belly button and the pubic bone and even his kidney area - a cheeky ancient Eastern trick that works the energy connection between the kidneys and the genitals, apparently. When you do get around to the deed, keep it simple; the less there is to worry about, the more relaxed you'll be - and the more likely to reach orgasm. And if you want him to stick around, Jaiya suggest stroking him lightly all over post-orgasm to release more of that in-love chemical, oxytocin.
Get him on his back. Lube up his penis and let him guide your hands to rub in to erection. Hands-on-hands is intimate, as is sharing his masturbation technique. Swing a leg over and sit astride him. After orgasm, lie over him - arms on his arms, cheek on his chest. This position is a super-tease for him and the more skin-on-skin you have, the more oxytocin you release. Sex when you're in a long-term relationship.
A common mistake is thinking only spontaneity and experimentation will save things when the spark has faded. If it's planned, it's not the same, right? It's a lack of shared pleasure. Married women 'nest' - again, meaning higher contentment and lower libido. It sounds unsexy but Dr Carole urges husbands and wives to plan one long sex session every week. Lots of foreplay before sex increases oxytocin levels and will reconnect you sensually, adds Jaiya.
Start with a shared bath. Get him to wash your hair or massage you with baby oil, then dress in something sexy. Take plenty of time for kissing and touching. Focus stimulation on the abdomen, too. Tantra experts call this the power centre, and say that stimulation it forges a connection between you and your 'masseur'. Get him to rub it in slow circles with one hand as he uses his fingers inside you. Always sleep naked, too, suggest Dr Carole, to keep low-level eroticism burning.
Taking each other for granted also dissolves marriage ties - but this, too, can be fixed in the bedroom. Tell your partner why you love what they're doing rather than simply saying you love it - this connects him to your pleasure eg, 'I love how you touch me there because you're so gentle'.
After sex, Jaiya suggests trying tratak - gazing without blinking. Sit facing each other, you in his lap. While he is inside you, both use your hands to massage and stroke each other's backs, necks, faces and chests.
After lots of step 2, rock back and forth on his penis, pulling each other closer by the buttocks. Perfect for reconnecting marrieds and delivering full-body orgasms. When sex has become stale. You're close but maybe you don't know where to go from there. You're still having sex but it's just a bit If it's just about sex, desperately trying progressively wilder sex never works.
In a strong partnership, using mutual trust to push each other's sexual boundaries and see each other's bodies afresh draws you even closer together, says Susan. If every Friday after work you meet for drinks, have dinner and then have sex, try having the sex first - then go out for cocktails.
Sharing new experiences makes you fall deeper in love - experts suggest simply exploring the sex you already have from a different angle. So have sex minus one of your senses. For example, discuss your fantasies blindfold - it'll help you get rid of your inhibitions.
Or wear earplugs - they make you focus on your bodily sensations plus hearing nothing but your own breathing is strangely arousing. Or try having sex in silence listening to each other's breath. Alternatively, get him to rub, hold or kiss areas of your body you dislike until you feel comfortable with it.
Experts agree that this is deeply intimate when experienced with a trusted partner and can unleash new, powerful erogenous zones. US research has shown that, chemically, a bit of a spank at this relationship stage actually bonds you. Finally, if you're nervous about suggesting something unusual, make it easier by including the word 'try'.
Jaiya adds, "Afterwards, talk about what worked. This helps build intimacy in your communication - essential for making you feel closely bonded. Adopt the traditional doggy position but with your chest lower to the ground. He kneels behind you and supports you by the waist.
Bend your knees, feet against his lower back. Deepen trust and intimacy with high heels, or if you want, get him to tie your hands in front of you. Sex when you are worried it could be over. Angry, frenzied sex may sound tempting, but if disagreements have distances you, it's better to use sex to get you back in sync. According to Susan, watching a horror movie us the perfect foreplay. The scary film stimulates dopamine and the snuggling up releases the oxytocin," she explains.
Next, try stand-up hugging for three minutes. Sounds strange but we rarely hug for that long. Before sex, lie down together and synchronise your breathing so you inhale and exhale simultaneously. Tantric practitioners regard this as a deeply healing and connecting exercise. During sex, try to exhale as he inhales and vice versa, which again powerfully aligns you, mentally and physically. Have sex, fingers entwined or with hands placed on each other's chests there are powerful erogenous zones on the palms.
This is a massive chemical bonding tool and research shoes it's one of the first things to go when a relationship falls apart, so don't let it drop from your sexual repertoire.
In this relaxed place, sex can rebuild a coupling that was starting to crumble. You'll never move on. In which case, we strongly recommend rebonding with your Rampant Rabbit Lie on your sides facing each other. He places his upper leg between your thighs and pulls your top thigh over, holding your bottom. You use your heel to pull him towards you. He rolls forward for deeper penetration. Sex when you've just met How do you create intimacy when you barely know each other and the only thing you currently bond over is a shared love of Gavin and Stacey?
Sex when you're in a long-term relationship A common mistake is thinking only spontaneity and experimentation will save things when the spark has faded. When sex has become stale You're close but maybe you don't know where to go from there. Adopt the traditional doggy position but with your chest lower to the ground He kneels behind you and supports you by the waist.
Sex when you are worried it could be over "If you're feeling disconnected, sex might be the last thing you fancy, but it can often be the thing that heals your bond," reveals Susan.
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Once you get a handle on emotional and physical factors, sexual desire tends to fall in line. However, if there are no underlying relationship issues, it could be a health concern. We recommend that men discuss this issue with their doctors when other possible causes have been ruled out and the same advice applies to women.
Talking to his doctor can also rule out other possible causes of low libido such as depression [ 18 ], anxiety [ 19 ], medications for those and other conditions [ 20 , 21 , 22 , 23 ], injury or another disease diabetes, can interfere with desire [ 24 ], and cancer can play a role, too [ 25 ].
But sexual health contributes to your quality of life, which makes it significant! We actually know a bit about arousal thanks to various studies and surveys that researchers have undertaken. This cycle describes how a guy gets horny pretty easily. After his orgasm resolves, he needs a break before he can become erect and orgasm again. This break is known as the refractory period [ 31 ] and can last from several minutes to 24 hours, getting longer as a guy ages [ 32 ].
Unlike men, women have a much smaller or even no refractory period. This is one reason why many women are able to have multiple orgasms. Spontaneous Desire — Spontaneous desire is exactly how it sounds. Most guys have spontaneous desire. They can get turned on at the drop of a hat. This makes it easy to get your boyfriend horny.
If your man has spontaneous desire, he gets horny, then you fool around or he masturbates. What this means is that desire usually shows up a little later after sexual stimuli are present [ 38 ]. In this way, desire can follow arousal [ 39 ]. This is why your man might have to do different things to make you horny.
It could also respond to a sexy scene in a book or movie, a certain smell, or a song. If you have responsive desire, this probably makes sense, and you can name the things that your sex drive responds to.
This could explain why you find it takes longer to make your husband horny but your ex took almost no time or effort to get horny. One of them had responsive desire while the other had spontaneous.
Making him horny is just a case of figuring out what his desire responds to… and doing those things. The first part is what increases his sex drive and makes him horny. The scientists call this sexual excitement system, but it might be helpful to think of this as accelerators to his sex drive. Step on the accelerator, and you go, go go! The other part is the sexual inhibition system or SES.
Brakes decrease sex drive and can include relationship issues, poor body image, and stress, among other things. Without easing up on the brakes, it makes no sense to work on the accelerator. Finally, we have arousal concordance. Basically, whether you feel aroused in your head and whether your body shows signs of arousal [ 44 , 45 , 46 ].
Researchers have asked participants whether they were aroused. Studies have shown that discordance is common in women [ 48 ] and more frequent than in men [ 49 , 50 , 51 ], which could just mean that women tend to notice their physical arousal less.
This actually works for you if you want to make him horny, however. And if he thinks he wants sex, his penis will respond. Leon F Seltzer Ph. This can help you understand why it takes such different things to get you and your man horny. So if you want to make him horny, you should show him that you want him and initiate sex rather than expecting him to always initiate or for him to make you feel desired without reciprocation. I put together this in-depth, step-by-step instructional video that will teach you how to make your man sexually addicted to you and only you.
It contains a number of oral sex techniques that will give your man full-body, shaking orgasms. If you're interested in learning these techniques to keep your man addicted and deeply devoted to you as well as having a lot more fun in the bedroom, then you may want to check out the video. You can watch it by clicking here.
Thank you for sharing your knowledge to the world! I have one question and I would thank you so much if you can answer me. Is my future husband going to love me because I would look like an amateur in bed to him? Hi Mrs, In response to your question: You should never do anything that you are not comfortable with, so this is something you need to decide for yourself.
If you somehow end up with his chocolate in your peanut butter, no human going to know except your doctor. Porn is make believe. Amateur is still make believe. But honestly, if you feel that this is something that would come between you and God, than just wait. Marriage is that wedding ceremony and claiming that man as your own. Being sexy comes from confidence in who you are, and the love you two share. Trying to feel sexy with the wrong boy feels awkward.
Making love is very much like a dance, one where he should anticipate what works by how you react. One thing I find important is to never be afraid to talk about sex openly with your partner. Password protect everything and be responsible.
People do snoop, after all. I have learned so much over the years from your articles and advice. Everything I know about giving head and getting into crazy positions, I learned here!
This article on building sexual tension should help. This is very good, am also a virgin of 22 yrs but I feel am ready for sex, I got to know that its got to take time and not rush in to things thats when you can get a perfect match. I have a patner now and is ready to marry I want to know how to make my man happy in bed. Hii I read your article but I still need some tips actually I had an abortion beforr 3 months so my man is scared to come close to me and also scared to kiss me even so what should I do?
My boyfriend is super innocent even though he is 18 years old… I feel like think about this kind of thing. I could really use some tips on what to say. Are there ant websites that can help me learn the art of talking dirty over the phone? Your email address will not be published. Sounds like you should talk to your man about this Priya.
This guide on kissing should help. This Dirty Talking Guide should help. Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published. Oral Foreplay 22 Tips 3: Giving Head — The Finish 5. Blow Job Positions 7. Reader Tips Dirty Talking Guide 1. Dirty Talk 2.
Advanced Dirty Talk 4. Intense Phone Sex Orgasm Guide 1. G Spot Orgasms 5. Make Yourself Squirt 6. Main Sex Positions Page 2. Anal Sex Positions 3. Doggy Style Positions 4. Cowgirl Sex Positions 5. Standing Sex Positions 7.
G Spot Sex Positions 8. Positions for Big Girls 9. Crazy Sex Positions Anal Guide 1. Anal Sex 2. How To Eat Ass 5. Help Her Get Turned On 3. Make Her Insanely Horny 4. Eat Pussy Like A God 5. Finger Her Right 15 Tips 7. Last Longer In Bed 9. When those things are lacking, it can have an emasculating effect. In fact, job loss is the top cause of a decreased libido among his male clientele, says sex therapist Chris Donaghue.
Sometimes revving up your sex drive is like revving up your car engine — you might need to press down on the gas a few times before it starts up. One way to get back to that loving feeling is to simply kiss with tongue your partner for an uninterrupted 30 seconds, and give her a second full body hug. And, with the second hug — chest-to-chest — you will feel a rush almost like when you have a drink of wine. Just because you have a hottie of a wife standing in front of you in sexy lingerie, sex can still become boring after a while.
Set up time to play. Just play and let go of the goal, and that will let go of the pressure. Log in No account? Sign up Log out news. New York Post May 28, 6:
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