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Thanks for answering all the questions. How do you handle Anna LUs? Have your students run into self hating AFs? There is nothing worse than self hating Asians, but Anna LUs really bring out the passion for lots of guys here.
In your opinion, how do you handle them? Can you give any real life examples? Let me quote a student of mine who recently approached a white guy only dating AF and how he handled it according to the ABCs Of Attraction philosophy: There was fun banter, dancing and all around good time.
I singled out one of them and started talking to her about her life, dreams and family. Then, she dropped a bomb. Despite this, I smiled and continued talking to her, maintaining eye contact and keeping the energy up. The first thing I told her was, if she were to hypothetically have a son with her white husband, how would that boy, being Asian, live in the world knowing his mother does not find Asian men attractive? Later in the evening, she asked me, what is my ultimate dream?
I told her what my dream for the world is. To change the standards of what a man is, what a woman is, what beauty and love is, through the films I make and the stories I tell.
I spoke from my heart, and she was so drawn into it her eyes widened and her jaw was dropping. Gentlemen, stand up for what you believe in. Changing the perception that Asian men are not dateable starts from you! You can only change her heart and emotions. And I think that starts with how you choose to engage AFs either in a constructive, healthy, and holistic manner or in combative, non-productive way.
In all cases, we are being dictated, Hollywood-splaind and Asian female-splained, as to what WE as Asian men should be. Well fuck that, let me make my own choice of what it means to be an Asian man. I personally believe that Asian men should live a holistic lifestyle, one that is well rounded, that seeks our own happiness, but also creating happiness in others. BoomBox Community Add post.
Share with your friends! Series of questions that intends to reveal something about the personality. Series of questions with right and wrong answers that intends to check knowledge.
Then, she dropped a bomb. Despite this, I smiled and continued talking to her, maintaining eye contact and keeping the energy up. The first thing I told her was, if she were to hypothetically have a son with her white husband, how would that boy, being Asian, live in the world knowing his mother does not find Asian men attractive?
Later in the evening, she asked me, what is my ultimate dream? I told her what my dream for the world is. To change the standards of what a man is, what a woman is, what beauty and love is, through the films I make and the stories I tell.
I spoke from my heart, and she was so drawn into it her eyes widened and her jaw was dropping. Gentlemen, stand up for what you believe in. Changing the perception that Asian men are not dateable starts from you! You can only change her heart and emotions. And I think that starts with how you choose to engage AFs either in a constructive, healthy, and holistic manner or in combative, non-productive way. In all cases, we are being dictated, Hollywood-splaind and Asian female-splained, as to what WE as Asian men should be.
Well fuck that, let me make my own choice of what it means to be an Asian man. Long Duk Dong took care of that. Then again, her post appears downright classy in comparison to what I've read in the free-for-all world of anonymous expat forums across China.
There was a brief time when I tried combing these forums in search of discussions about dating Chinese men, hoping to gain some insights, but I soon gave that up. Whenever anyone dared to broach the subject, usually someone would quickly pounce on the thread and sully it with some juvenile comment about Chinese men that wasn't all that different from that Long Duk Dong movie still. The worst of these threads generally devolved into a low-brow, expletive-laden conversation more appropriate for a bathroom stall.
Whether in forums or blogs, the negative online discourse about Chinese men is consistent with Psychologist Zhang Jiehai's findings from surveys on "Chinese Men in the Eyes of Western Women" as reported by China's Xinhua News Agency in I provided an English translation on my blog. This Shanghai Academy of Social Sciences professor surveyed over Western women from diverse countries including France, Germany and the USA via questionnaires, and then interviewed over 20 of them in a focus group in Shanghai.
While respondents praised Chinese men for certain qualities -- "looking after one's family," "willing to spend money on women," and "relatively serious about relationships between men and women" -- the admiration ended there. Negative impressions ultimately dominated as the women criticized Chinese men as "not so gentlemanly," "poor physique, not enough exercise," "no personality, lacking unique opinions," even condemning them on perceived personal hygiene problems.
One American participant in the study actually blamed Hollywood for projecting a poor image of Chinese men around the world, and I couldn't help but wonder if she was thinking of Sixteen Candles at the time.
Zhang's findings -- that Western women from around the world have consistently pejorative ideas about Chinese men -- remind me this isn't a problem confined to some insular expat circles in China. It's a troubling problem, one that even gets me and my husband down. Look across East Asia or, for that matter, any country in the Western world, and you'll notice a very revealing gap in the Asian interracial dating world: A Field Report from Hong Kong.
A total of couples of Western men and Asian women versus only six couples of Asian men and Western women including him and his Brazilian wife. You could substitute Hong Kong with the name of any country or region in the world and end up with comparable results. Even Chinese-American men don't feel the love from their fellow Americans, lamenting this in essays such as " Are Asian Men Undateable? In search of explanations for why so few Western women date Chinese men, some China expats have suggested cultural differences are the primary reason.
I agree that culture plays a role when you're a foreigner in China dating the locals. I've experienced my share of cultural misunderstandings in my relationships in China, including my own marriage, and have even blogged about why it's actually harmful to ignore cultural differences in a cross-cultural relationship.
Yet when I think about the global reach of this problem, and the fact that it's even tough for Western-born Chinese to score a date outside of their own race, I know deep down that cultural differences -- as much as they matter in relationships -- cannot alone account for why few Western women date Chinese men. When I think about how a racist caricature from Hollywood gets tossed around among expats as a symbol of Chinese men -- and Westerners from around the world harbor consistently negative views of Chinese men -- I realize there's a dark side to this whole discussion.
So here's where the conversation gets a little uncomfortable. Whenever expats discuss racism in China, we usually focus on Chinese people and their racist attitudes such as the experience of being black in China. These are very critical discussions that we need and should continue to have. But what about the conversations about expats themselves and their own homegrown stereotypes and prejudices about Asians and Chinese people?
When will we as expats begin to confront these, our very own baggage that we inadvertently pack along with us in our overseas journeys to the Middle Kingdom? More importantly, when we will learn that in any given country and culture, there exists a diversity of individuals and personalities?
That's true anywhere in the world, including China. Whenever someone dismisses China's entire male population as undateable, they're essentially denying that diversity.
And believe me, there is incredible diversity when you actually open your eyes and your heart to the possibility. I opened my eyes and my heart to the possibility of love in China, and found it with my husband, John.
I'm reminded of the many love stories that Western women and Chinese men have submitted to my blog, giving me the honor and privilege to experience that on a personal level. There's the fun-loving fellow from Xi'an who described himself as a "foreign student turned party boy," the beefcake husband from Hebei she considered "China's answer to Arnold Schwarzenegger," the Shanghai-based writer from Anhui who studied English literature and mused about his unforgettable romances with black women in the US.
This fall marks 15 years since I first set foot in China. It's also 15 years since I first learned that most Western women in China refuse to date Chinese men. Yet a decade and a half later, I'm still pondering this issue.
And I can't help but wonder how many decades it will take before it's no longer an issue for expats in China. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you.
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