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If you're new here, you may want to get my discreet newsletter to learn how to make him sexually obsessed with you and only you. Click here to get it. Switching from regular sex to that which includes BDSM can be tricky or awkward in the moment.

While this tutorial video is quite distressing, it will teach you how to make your man scream with pleasure and become sexually addicted to you. Many of these activities also show up when you have rough sex. More on rough sex. This also gives you time to research BDSM activities that could be risky. If you want to give your man back-arching, toe-curling, screaming orgasms that will keep him sexually obsessed with you, then you can learn these sex techniques in my private and discreet newsletter.

You'll also learn the 5 dangerous mistakes that will ruin your sex life and relationship. You may also find that your partner is interested in trying on the dominant role but is worried about hurting you.

This is a major stumbling block for some couples. If you know that pain or submission turns you on, you can also explain how that feels for you. In fact, if he does have interest in dominating you, he might not understand what you see in playing the counterpart.

If this is the case, then you simply need to explain it to him. If service is a large component, you can discuss how pleasing him ultimately pleases you as well. Instead, you should look for the ways to show submission to your partner that you are personally comfortable with.

Check it out here to learn how. Generally, a submissive person will be the one who is bound, gagged or blindfolded…or a combination of all 3. Often; a submissive will wear a collar in addition to those binds. Your submissive persona may be the receiver of penetrative sex and impact play such as a spanking, paddling or flogging. Some power exchange relationships extend outside the bedroom.

For example, serving your partner at home or even in public can be a sign of subservience. You might have a specific routine that requires you to kneel or to drop your eyes when in front of him.

Many of these things can be adapted to play time in the bedroom and vice versa. Here are a few: Of course, there are many other scenarios that you could play with your partner, and you could simply be the more dominant and submissive versions of yourselves, respectively.

However, roles add in an idea of how a scene should play out and the type of words and behaviors that each person will display. These roles are often played with bondage. You might think bondage is extreme, but it can be as simple as holding your wrists during sex or using a single pair of cuffs. It may be scheduled and activities planned beforehand, or it may be more loosely planned and spontaneous, taking shaping as you go. A safe word is a word or phrase you can say when things are too intense for you to handle.

Wikipedia has some great info on safe words here. Even if you enjoy being a submissive, you may still run into intense feelings or find that your scenes trigger past traumas. Both of those things are normal, and if your relationship is healthy, you should be able to work through them to truly enjoy how erotic and freeing BDSM can be.

Beware of any partner who thinks the only way to be submissive is to give complete control. Reaching out to members of your community should be encouraged as should remaining connected with your own support network. Your man could submit to you, the powerful woman, or you can take turns with dominance and submission.

A person who enjoys both roles is known as a switch [ 1 , 2 ], and a switch gets to experience both sides of the coin. Taking on the dominant role has the obvious benefit of you getting to use your man for your pleasure and benefit. With honest and open communication, you can safely explore those sides of you to find things that turn you on or even bring you closer to your man.

One of the benefits of BDSM is that it encourages honest — and frequent — communication about sex. Now that you know some of the basics of BDSM and submission, you might be eager to start. A few studies of BDSM have been enlightening. Another study found that submissives experienced an increase in testosterone and cortisol during a scene.

Others studies found similar increases in cortisol [ 6 ]. But cortisol can also decrease due to BDSM activities [ 7 ]. You can use it similar to a BDSM manual because he teaches basic skills and talks about safety in it.

Jay Wiseman also created a BDSM checklist that can stand in for a contract and describe desires, limits, and pertinent medical information. Kate Kinsey wrote a message to submissives about the dominants they choose to play with.

Finally, check out this article in the Ask Carole feature of The Guardian where Carole responds to a reader whose girlfriend can only seem to orgasm why tied up. It discusses how orgasm works and why BDSM provides the intensity some people require. This question can be viewed in two ways. The first is a question about why people would be interested in BDSM in general.

Another study found BDSM practitioners to be no more likely to have clinical disorders than vanilla people [ 11 ]. Another study on a Dutch population found that kinksters might even be more agreeable and less neurotic than the general population [ 12 ].

BDSM enables you to try on a role. The question surrounding submission specifically is usually framed regarding self-worth. BDSM can be a healthy reflection, and you can choose how it looks. In fact, the opposite may very well be true, and your relationship should be equal outside of the scene [ 15 ]. Submissive Psychology — A Canadian study of sadomasochism found that masochists were no more mentally unstable or prone to psychological distress than other groups of people [ 16 ].

And someone who is a masochist is more likely to be drawn to submission and submitting during sex than dominance. You can be a submissive who also identifies as a feminist. You can be a strong woman and enjoy submitting. In fact, the reason why some people enjoy submitting is that they have so much responsibility outside of the bedroom. In fact, one research team described a study on participants like this [ 17 ]:.

From the analysis of the interviews we found that BDSM participants defined their sexuality as mainly usual and normal. A study from found that The Dutch study mentioned earlier highlighted the BDSM engagement of a slightly higher portion of the population: A more recent study revealed that However, the numbers were lesser for tying up A few studies have looked at BDSM identities.

For instance, one study found that While men more commonly identified with dominant roles, Plus, these numbers may have risen thanks to the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey. Some people simply have no interest in BDSM. Or you might even have an interest in playing the dominant role yourself.

Like any sexual activity, you might find that your sex life improves with exploration. On the other hand, we never suggest that you have to try an activity that you absolutely have no interest in, and a partner who pushes, coerces, or even forces you to is not a safe partner.

Discover how to be dominant in the bedroom. Obviously, trust is a key component of BDSM play, but submission has to be given and cannot be taken. If your partner tries to force you to submit like Christan Grey did with Ana , they are being abusive and abusing your trust. On the flip side of the coin, you have a willing submissive but a partner who is unwilling to take on the dominant mantle.

The same advice applies. You may even consider ending the relationship if BDSM is important to you. Alternatively, you may come to an agreement where you can explore BDSM with other partners. But if your partner is more reluctant than opposed, this may be a role he can grow into. It might help for him to read stories from happy submissives or even to talk to some people within the scene.

Furthermore, dominating a person can even strengthen your relationship. In fact, aftercare is an important part of BDSM and it allows you to reconnect with your dominant after a scene and deal with the physiological effects of a scene. But even a scene itself can be healing or promote growth. Researchers find that BDSM can aid personal expression, enhance growth, or even be therapeutic for participants [ 23 ].

One study found that participants experienced BDSM as a process of connection — as well as creation and expansion [ 24 ]. Others report that their romantic relationships benefit [ 26 ]. Some people find a sense of freedom through BDSM [ 27 ]. There are so many ideas that may come to mind when you think of submitting. It might be leather and latex bondage clothing or activities such as crawling on the floor.

You can also specify how your BDSM relationship will look with a contract:. Some people enjoy exploring soft limits, which may not be limits after all. In fact, your discomfort at playing out the cliche might show and make it hard for either of you to enjoy your scene.

Learn How To Be Submissive & Have Kinkier Sex

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