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I know many of you out there doubt the meaning and value of girlfriends. I know, because I used to once wonder if such thing as a genuine girlfriend exists.
I've come across good ones as well as bad ones, and one "best friend" even tried to steal my boyfriend which severed both relationships. I spent more than a few nights in tears and feelings of betrayal but I'm over it now, and looking back, I'm glad I learned early on the value of friendship and what not to do as a friend.
Women need women in their lives. And to attract and maintain lasting friendships, here are some things to bear in mind. If you can't do this, you'll probably find yourself spending your whole life going from one girlfriend to another unable to find a home for your heart.
Women are naturally emotional, nurturing, sensitive and empathetic beings. Women have an innate desire to connect in deeper ways than they can with a male. Female friendships cannot grow and last if you don't share your deepest worries, struggles and vulnerabilities. My close friends and I know more about each other than the day-to-day.
We know about each other's childhood pains, past relationships and broken hearts, as well as each other's fears, struggles, weaknesses and flaws. We embrace each other even more because of this.
We never use this to judge one another or gossip about it elsewhere. These deeper stories are meant to be shared only with each other, and create a level of intimacy and bond that cannot be replaced by anyone, not even your husband or boyfriend. Yes this may sound scary at first but once you start opening up, you realize that your problems and emotions are not that different after all. Everyone has pains and you no longer feel trapped by your own. You learn to see the bigger picture and healing begins.
Pain and imperfections are no longer something to hide, but a springboard for creating deeper, more meaningful connections. If you expect to find genuine and lasting friendships without learning this process, well good luck. You'll probably find yourself stuck in one-dimensional, skin deep relationships that do not add real value and meaning to your life. By being open and honest about yourself, you encourage the other person to do the same to you.
Know when to listen and when to share. Don't spend all your time listening or talking. You need to do both. Genuine friendships aren't created overnight and it takes years of listening and sharing -- but once you get there, you'll understand the true meaning of sisterhood. It's beautiful and priceless; every woman deserves to experience it.
Before you do 1, you have to first see if you can trust the other person. This is the most difficult part of female friendships because sometimes it's hard to tell even after a few years. As a woman, I know how jealous, two-faced, manipulative and mean-spirited some women can be. This is the sad truth and yes, they are still out there.
But once you discover their true colors, you realize that there was always something a little "off" about that friendship. For example, that friend may have always talked too much about herself and spend less time listening.
Or that friend listens all the time but rarely shares her stories. Or she is always talking about other people in a negative way. Or you have been friends with her for many years but feel like you don't really know her. Or you see frequent inconsistencies and contradictions in her words and actions. Or you sometimes see that fleeting weird, jealous look in her eyes when you share a happy story about your life. You get the point. Every bad friendship I've had usually came with signs.
I was just too young and naive to recognize it. Sometimes I felt it but was too dumb to do anything about it. When you begin to feel that something is a little "off" about that friendship, keep your distance and listen to your heart.
There is no reason to "talk to her about it" because sadly some people don't change, especially if you are in your 30s and up. This can also give her a chance to lay out a series of reasons and excuses which weakens your intuition.
If you've given her a few years of your life and you still feel this way, it's probably best to leave that friendship in a kind, amicable way. Don't look back and don't wait until it hurts you. Protect yourself and listen to your heart. Don't badmouth a friend and don't share each other's secrets. I've learned that sometimes even what you say without bad intentions can be misconstrued and be used against you.
This can also cause problems amongst a group of girlfriends with she said this, she said that telephone game. It's unnecessary and wasted time and energy. I have a group of five girlfriends whom I consider very close like sisters. Some are close with each other, and some are not as close. Sometimes I'm with only one or two of those friends at a time. When we gather together in smaller groups, we make sure not to talk about the other girls who aren't there.
When we do, we only share nice things or facts, like "Oh, yeah I just talked to her, she is doing this these days," or "Wow I'm so proud of her doing this and that. Also, don't ever share each other's secrets. Let Friend A tell Friend B according to her own time.
If a friend shares something personal with you, don't take that and gossip about it elsewhere. Just listen, share your thoughts and keep it in. There is no better way to lose someone's trust than to have a big mouth and go around sharing other people's personal details.
Just don't do it. You can talk, but no need to gossip about other friends. You can listen, but no need to be the messenger. If you find yourself bad mouthing a friend, it's time to reevaluate that friendship. And remember, what Susie says of Sally tells more about Susie than Sally.
Don't ruin your credibility because of a bad friend. I know sometimes it's hard not to vent about certain relationships because it bothers you, like an itch you can't quite scratch. You're confused about the person, and turn to others for advice. When you find yourself in this situation, and you know you never had ill intention in that relationship, it's probably best to walk away before things get ugly.
If you've created a genuine, soulful connection with a friend, there should be no bad feelings. If there is, that friendship is most likely not genuine. I know this is hard, especially when you two have been friends for a long time, but there comes a time in life when you just have to accept others as they are.
You can't change them, you don't control them. Don't try so hard to "fix" anything. If the problem is there, it's probably more deeply rooted than you think.
Use your best judgment, listen to your heart, and know when to walk away. Accept that you can't change anyone and get along with everyone. Just let it go and use your time and energy with friends you do connect with.
What I love about my group of girlfriends is that they are so similar yet different. Some are ambitious career women, some are wonderful stay-at-home-mothers, some are religious and some are free-spirited. Some are conservative, some are liberal. Some want three kids, some want one. Some have tattoos, some have none. Some have boys and some have girls. One important thing we all have in common is that we are genuine and passionate about life. We are also confident and happy with who we are.
This is crucial because it means we've learned to accept ourselves for who we are and are psychologically and emotionally mature enough to develop deeper connections.
It takes maturity to be confident without being self-absorbed. These women usually make the best girlfriends. And resist the urge to surround yourself with a homogenous group of people. While this can feel comforting, you're limiting yourself from new experiences and awakenings. If you find that your group of friends are naturally similar, that's fine but if they are different, that's okay too.
Don't go into a friendship with preconceived notions. You never know what you'll discover, what life lessons you may learn. My girlfriends and I connect with our hearts rather than our minds and respect each other's privacy and boundaries. We are not controlling, competitive, jealous or possessive of each other and we know when to listen and when to open up. Every friendship is a two-way street where we give, we take, we share, we connect, we laugh, we cry and most importantly we cherish and love each other.
Friendships grow and change as people come and grow. The following are 25 things to keep in mind to facilitate building stronger friendships.
Join over 10, subscribers and get tips on reaching your full potential. I agree with all of your excellent points, Alaia! Especially the part about letting go of old friends when you have drifted apart. What a great list, thanks! My favorite is 22, and I measure the quality of a friendship by how much effort each of us is putting into it. This post in particular got me thinking about friendship. Perhaps the most important one is the first one: Science and its spiritual counterparts are offering you the key to unlock […].
D I especially liked: It is okay to disagree. Keep the friendship burning by giving compliments: I am seeking a friendship with someone who would love to be my friend, for me just being myself. Particarly when love and sex was the base of it. Everything is so important to impliment into a personal plan of friendship not a plan of disaster. Finding that right person to be a true is only a step away. Believe in yourself and be proud of your achievement. This is truly an eye opening article, glad I took the time to read it, some of things listed I really need to work on especially 2 and 15, not just in a friendship scenario, but in almost everything, I admit there are some aspects about myself that I need to change.
All u said and listed here are wise thourth, am highly intouch now expecialy in making out time for your partner and keeping your promises. Your email address will not be published. This is a guest post by Alaia Williams of One Organized Life Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive. Anais Nin Friendships are incredibly important. Choose to be friends with people who build you up, not tear you down. Choose friends who inspire you and welcome you, not alienate and insult you.
Listen closely to what the other person is saying. Let that person know that you hear them. Though helpful, it does not always have to be through words. Eye contact and body language are also important ways of showing someone you are listening. Think before you speak — especially if you are angry. Sometimes, taking a moment to think about what you say before you start blurting things out will spare hurt feelings and bruised pride. Also, when friends feel like it is okay to be themselves around you, they trust you.
Choose your words with care. By all means, if a friend asks for your advice, give it. They might want you to proofread an important email before it is sent out. Maybe they are struggling with a relationship. Perhaps life is throwing them a curve ball and they need your support or insight.
Give them room to process things and make their own decisions. Avoid trying to one-up your friends. We all test our relationships by throwing something out there about our true nature. We then hide behind a corner, head peeking out, waiting for the response. Communicate openly and honestly. Developing communication with a person can take time — and trust! Ask your friends what you can do for them. Share what you have to offer.
When a problem arises, work through it together. Accept your friends for who they are. On your search for friends who can accept your authentic self, keep in mind — other people are looking for the same thing. Just talk and act like ourselves,. Yes I want three,. I would like four, an even number. Maybe I might adopt,. A small town in the middle of nowhere, there you'd have peace.
A, in the snob-hills, oh yeah im rich! A big city, that's where I came from. The country side, its nice over there. Very down to earth and smart. The random playful person. All animals, but I don't like mosquitos Deer, their soo cute!
You don't want to keep caring when you feel others don't. That's the wrong way to look at it. Your tribe should be nurturing, the place you go when the world has beat you up so bad, you don't know up from down.
They should be empowering, enough to get you back on the horse when you've fallen and lost your way. They should be supportive, cheering you on at every moment on every positive journey. They should fill your spirit each and every time you speak with them. This is a hard one as it also requires you to be honest with yourself. Girlfriends should not only be able to tell you when your dress is not the right fit for you body, but also when the guy you're dating is using and abusing you.
Your girls should be able to, and want to be, honest with you in every aspect. I had a lot of 'yes' friends growing up, ones that didn't really care about where I ended up, so they just told me what I wanted to hear. That got me a in a lot of trouble. It led me down a path of not knowing or loving myself, a hard path to get off when you're a young woman. Focus on women who tell you the truth, be it brutal or otherwise.
A friend who has enough balls to tell you something you don't want to hear is a friend worth keeping. Once I had a friend who refused to listen to her friends. She chose to believe the lies she was being fed from her long-time boyfriend and distanced herself from everyone trying to help her. Shortly after that, she got a STD from said boyfriend after finding out he had been cheating on her the entire time and all of her friends were right.
I've always taken that with me, because if you trust your friends with your clothes, hair and decor opinions - you should trust them with your life, too. If you don't, find someone you do. We're all guilty of judging someone else and their actions, friend or not. A bit of judgment will always be there because it's a part of human nature. What you don't want is a friend that tells you one thing, then blabs to mutual friends about the 'horrible' or 'stupid' things you're doing. We've all had friends like this, some of us still do.
Those people are best kept at a distance. If you think of your life as a theater, they should be standing room--only available when another might be occupied. I had a toxic friend like that for years. I was never sure what I did that made her so venomous to me when talking with others, but it never stopped.
How to escape from the friend zone. A client of mine told me that she was planning to set her guy friend up with a girlfriend of hers. She told me this guy Some friendships will develop into a relationship at a tortoise's pace. I was kidding, of course, but it reminded me of my vast roster of girl friends (not girlfriends — one word, meaning a girl I actually date). I have. Dating is hard. There is no way around that statement. If you disagree, your name is Prince, and to be honest, you're probably asexual.