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Friends first chemistry maybe

Friends first chemistry maybe

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Friends first chemistry maybe

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Or maybe out for coffee. The two of you are getting along great, talking, laughing, never a lull in the conversation.

That little something extra that maybe makes you really want to end the date with a kiss and definitely see them again. But instead you feel like the chemistry is missing, and that this person feels more like a new platonic friend than a potential romance.

Ughh why must dating have so many layers of difficulty! And then you wonder if you should give it more time, or is this a gut instinct thing. Also the fine line to walk with chemistry is that a crazy instant attraction can cloud everything else and because you feel it, you might assume everything else will accordingly line up as well.

But back to the no-chemistry date: Here are your options:. Because it does happen. Sometimes the instant you click, you click on all levels. But think about it. You like this person.

You had a good time. Chemistry is a sneaky little thing that can appear immediately or sneak up on you. Maybe if you already had fun, it might be worth spending a little more time together just to confirm whether or not you want to take things further.

Then there are the times you might be adamant in your stance. For some people that first spark is a just a must. Danielle Sepulveres November 24, 8: Here are your options: The second date theory. Giggles in your Inbox Subscribe to our daily newsletter and get the latest updates on fashion, beauty, style, and more.

What to do when there's no chemistry on a first date - HelloGiggles

I think a good attitude is to remember that each person does not need to fulfill each friendship need. This stuff is hard though. First, what a great photo — so beautiful of all of you!

Then some of my best friends and I have very little in common, yet we clicked immediately. Julia, I have the same issue with not seeing some of my best friends in person for years or at least rarely. However, we became friends during childhood or college, both times that are ripe for friendship making proximity and safe place! I also agree that you can have all 5 factors in place and still no magic click.

I love this, Nina. I guess those are all demonstrations of 5 first motherhood being a kind of joint adversity, no? I think we might be the same person. Though you have a much more fabulous sense of style.

Anyway, YES, that first year of motherhood is for sure an example of joint adversity. Been there for too many years already! I can, however, talk about summer camp issues, homework issue etc.

Thanks for liking me despite my ridiculous choice of mall shoes. But they were cute, yes? Yeah, those shoes were crazy. Happy for you both to have found each other! I think it gets more complicated with husbands and kids. Chris Rock has a hilarious video bit about this. I will google that bit immediately. Have never seen it. Anyway, I agree about husbands and kids, but only to a point. I have a handful of close friends that are really just friends of mine.

Anyway, thanks so much for chiming in and for suggesting Chris Rock! Nina, I can always count on you for a totally awesome post. This was so interesting, and I would like our bloggy friendship to continue if only so you read and summarize books for me in a delightful manner. Wait, that came out wrong. I LOVE the picture — look at that adorable clan! I definitely feel like I have my own fellow junior class with the people I met when I first started last Feb.

And then you did. And I love you. Yep count me in as the freshman waving at you upper class women LOL—me and Jules are cracking obnoxious jokes in the corner and praying that you seniors will smirk at us!!

The kids spent a good portion of the time playing spy. There were walkie-talkies involved and everything. It was pretty dang cute. Had to comment here! I think this research could have some merit, but I am a bit skeptical that all 5 accelerators are necessary to make two people click. They hit it off immediately, moving in together quickly and were engaged six months after they met. That was 10 years ago and now they are married with two amazing children. Yes, they had a few similarities, like both being Jewish and both stressing the importance of their families.

And perhaps they both showed their vulnerability. So, ok, 3 of the accelerators were present! In other words, I am amazingly attune to potential magic.

I was certain though! Seems the intensity of the beginning never completely goes away and does lead to stronger marriages in many cases. I was set up on a blind date with my now-husband by a person who barely knew us me, in particular. One of my favorite little passages in the Narnia books in my favorite book, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader , is when Lucy is looking over the side and she sees a mermaid girl with a flock of fish. They look at each other, and in that moment they become friends.

There was no conversation, just a moment, just a locking of the eyes, and they clicked. Ever now and then we meet a matching piece, another bit of the same whole, and we click. Because we were meant to be together; we go together. The factors in the book make sense, but they are kind of common sense things, really. I also think that pheremones play a large part in how we react to others.

There are people who set off our alarms right away, who just give us the creeps. I think their chemistry betrays them.

I had that instant click with several friends and also my husband—that feeling, like you said, of finding a piece of yourself that perhaps was missing or something. Interesting topic on friendship. We are now pretty strictly co-workers only. The only other strange element is the occasional sprinkling of the old self she used to be when we were close—something that makes me long for the friendship but at the same time reminds me that she can change on a dime.

I try to keep that in mind when I feel like she has cast me aside. However, I have moved towards cultivating other friendships. Meanwhile, you look like two gorgeous sisters!

I think you provided great analysis about this book and what a cool surprise to see you apply it to your meeting Galit! Now I want to come to Minnesota!

Great post on friendship, Nina. I have my bestie, and it was all the things you describe. Glad you appreciated the mix of book talk and Galit talk.

I read the book a month ago and was going to write about then but never did. Meeting Galit made it all click for me. Of course she is!

She will have photos of the kids and you and your husbands. It will be beautiful. Like both of you. Friendship is a lot like falling in love. Actually, I have about twelve things I need to discuss with you and have been planning to email you.

You can respond back to this, but just to me, and let me know. Interesting though — and so happy that you and Gallit have found each other and hit it off so well. On a personal level, thinking about how these accelorators work scares me a little because they seem to be based on split second subconscious decisions. Even though I also see myself as an introvert I actually feel quite exhausted and depleted without enough time alone I can come off as overly outgoing to the point of outright spaziness.

Melissa, your situation of living so remote has probably made you that much more dependent not in a bad way, but just as a fact on your childhood and college friendships.

That said, I have many close and wonderful friendships in town, but nothing can quite replace the bonds I formed in high school and college. This got me thinking. And my close friends do share some common principles, like honesty, and general decency, and honor.

But over time, geographical proximity has felt less important to me. It means more to have friends who care about the same things I care about, who share my passions and interests. Sometimes the really charismatic people have turned out to be toxic, while the steady, but boring folks are dependable and real. But what is great, really the best, is when people who click with me right away also turn out to be steady and dependable.

THIS is the magic formula right here: Sounds like a fascinating book and your own experience meeting Galit is fascinating too. Or how close a person stands to you. Some people overshare in order to dominate the conversation, or use self-pity to control others. I loved your post this week and have sent a few people your way. There are some creepy people out there both in person AND especially online as your post discusses so well.

This weekend I met up with someone who went to high school with me and had recently moved to Texas. I know you read my post about it earlier in the year.

I found that in school it was always easy to click with a lot of people with proximity, consistency, and a shared struggle working in our favor. Will go fix it now!

I think the KEY is to 1. Different friends for different reasons—remember that! Like I said, proximity counts for so much. I like the accelerators. One that I think is very important for me in terms of immediate clicking is humor. Friend first dates are or can be equally nerve wracking and awkward!

I guess the good news is that at least at the end of this process you get to have more than one good friend. And became good friends. And are close friends to this day, 25 years later. Karen, I DO think that if you want to and can put the time into a person, then a good friendship is both possible and probable even without the initial good chemistry.

Besides the 5 points of the book, I do believe magic plays a part. With all of my girlfriends I felt the same initial response.

When we first met or got together we did not want to leave each others presence. We hit it off immediately. I think the proximity factor is the biggest thing for me as I have always acquired friendships mostly through the work place. I have some friends through church but do not socialize with them much outside of church. The problem for me is when the proximity factor remains the same we still work together but the friendship dynamic changes due to circumstances in their life unrelated to me.

Being taken for granted is not a comforting feeling. And, even now, my old friend can sometimes act like her old self but I have zero trust for her for the future. Too much water under the bridge in this last year for me to ever go back to having the kind of feelings I once had for her. Want to guest post? When I think about what drew me and my closest friends together, I have trouble putting my finger on it. Sometimes the click accelerators that are working for you are not working for the other person.

Jackie— I have for sure been in that situation. I think ALL of those points have merit. And all of the girls that lived on my floor in college? The Third Floor Girls could be a novel. I can picture the cover now. And thank you SO much for the Facebook share.

So click, click, click, click. The funny thing is? I dated her husband long before they met and long before I met mine. Love that you dated her husband and it has not negatively affected the friendship. For sure could have gone the other way! And, totally off topic, but your new blog design looks great! Mine is getting a major revamp by the end of the summer. Hmm, for me it is a feeling. I click with others when the conversation and the person are authentic. I can feel when someone is truly being themselves and not a version of who they really are.

Those people are all my friends. With me, for better or worse, you absolutely get the whole enchilada. I think a lot has to do with intuition.

Once the connection is made-however-it is crucial to make time to nurture those special relationships. We all hit bumps in the road, and when it comes to going over the same issues-most husbands have a saturation point.

It is our women friends who listen and get us through the rough times. I am so pleased that you keep writing about the friendship topic. It is really important. But it also helps that my friends listen endlessly. So wise and so true. I definitely think the research has merit, in a general sense. According to scientists including Professor Randy Thornhill from the University of New Mexico, average features could be a sign of genetic diversity and good health.

But is there such a thing as a "type"? Women with feminine features, such as a smaller chin and fuller lips, tend to be deemed more appealing by both sexes, Saxton tells me, but preferences for male features are far from clear-cut.

So a disaster date might genuinely be a case of right person, wrong time. But it is possible to disrupt the trend. It seems the suggestion of heroics could also fuel a romance. A study conducted by researchers at Liverpool and Stirling Universities recruited women and 64 men, asking one group to assess images of the opposite sex with digitally added facial scars while another group viewed blemish-free mug shots. The upshot was that women rated slight scarring in a man's face marginally more attractive when considering a short-term fling — men viewed scarring in women with indifference.

The researchers say that scarring may be read by women as a sign of masculinity, courage and strength. But whether or not you are looking for Indiana Jones, good health is a key quality and once again there may be subtle, chemical cues. In researchers at St Andrews University asked 54 people to digitally tweak the hue of a selection of male and female Caucasian faces to make them look "healthy", finding that a light yellow tint and pink flush is perceived to be indicative of the hale and hearty.

Follow-up collaborative studies supported the view that yellow colouring is deemed more attractive across cultures, and suggested that an increase in the intake of carotenoid pigments, such as those found in fruit and veg, may increase this yellow tint, although other influences can't be ruled out. But, hot or not, your date has only just begun and it's time to make that opening gambit. It turns out, that it is not just what you say, but the way that you say it that flags up a successful date.

One such indicator appears to be the use of function words such as personal pronouns, articles and conjunctions. Ireland and her colleagues studied how such words are used by heterosexual men and women by examining 40 speed dates, using special computer programs to analyse the speakers' language.

The study found that speed dating couples were more likely to mutually wish to see each other again if their language style matched better. So if your date is speaking in a detached fashion, using "the", "it" and "that" often but you are throwing in plenty of "I" and "we", then chances are there is no point swapping numbers. And while talking a lot may point to a good date, Ireland says their study showed it wasn't the strongest factor.

According to Ireland it isn't an easy effect to fake — not only is it difficult to consciously pick up on function words but it is also tricky to deliberately manipulate them. Speed-dating also threw up some interesting observations for researchers at Stanford University who studied more than heterosexual dates to work out what makes people click. After analysing voice-recordings from the dates, they found that for couples who reported "clicking", both the men and the women seemed excited.

The men varied their volume and laughed more; while women changed both their loudness and pitch. And while women preferred men who spoke loudly, sympathised with them and interrupted them, both men and women preferred it when the woman made herself the focus of the conversation.

But perhaps it is best to avoid grilling your date. And bad news chaps — if you're looking for a lady it could be tough. Women were found to report clicking less frequently than men. If the date works out, a kiss may be on the cards. It's a crucial moment that could fan the flames or snuff out the spark. And the clues you are picking up, he says, are genetic.

That, my friends, is called chemistry, and if you get butterflies just thinking about I can tell if I have chemistry with someone on the very first date. But if you just don't feel that spark, maybe it's time to graciously say goodbye. Valley Girl explores why friends first doesn't work in real life application. Then the relationship is based on personal compatibility, not just sexual chemistry. New York Maybe. It's important to treat all your friendships with respect. Be honest. Friendship Chemistry: Why We Click (or don't). by Nina Badzin | Jul 24, | Friendship .. Maybe I'm just really judgy at first! I'm in a weird stage where I just .