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The following is a selection of Survivor stories drawn from the Our Stories…Our Strength video collection. We are grateful to the men and women who have shared their personal and often painful accounts of their experiences of residential school and its legacy. It is by sharing these truths that we can all continue to work toward understanding and healing. Please contact us info legacyofhope. If your story appears here and you would like it removed from the site or the collection, please do not hesitate to contact us at info legacyofhope.
Are you a Residential school Survivor? Contact us to share your story. Lucille Mattess; L-u-c-i-l-l-e M-a-t-t-e-s-s. Is that in Saskatchewan? I was thinking of Prince Albert. You came a ways. Lucille, which Residential School did you go to? It was between Fort Fraser and Fraser Lake. You just attended the one school, or was there another one? Yes, just the one school. I was there for 8 years approximately. How old were you when you started? I would say maybe about 5 or 6 years old.
My last attendance was in So how did it come about that you had to go to Residential School? I just knew that one day I was awakened in a really big room and it seemed like I was asleep for a long time and then I came to. I was surrounded by toys and other younger kids sitting at desks and it was called the Baby Class.
I remember waking up, like waking up from darkness or something. Did you have other siblings there with you? I had my older sister Yvonne, she was there. And my older brother Ronnie. And after me I had my younger sister Marian, my brother Max, my brother Teddy and the last one to attend was my sister Madeleine. What are your early memories of the Residential School?
One thing I know was the hard work that we had to do, the hard work and the lining up. The structured lifestyle was what I remember a lot, making sure you were up early in the morning.
They would clap their hands to wake you up. You had to finish right on time before the next thing that was happening, like going to breakfast.
And after breakfast you go at a certain time after breakfast you go right to your chores, doing your chores. A chore may be cleaning the bathroom toilets and the floors, sweeping the floors. It was a daily structure. Then you had to go and get dressed again for your classroom.
And after a certain number of hours then you had a recess break. It was all about line up, dress up, go to the bathroom at a certain time. It was just all structured. I never ever remember making any decisions of my own. It was kind of like we were programmed. What was your relationship like with your siblings while you were there? My relationship with my siblings was we were separate.
My older sister was always ahead of me. So I would be in the high dorm, the small dorm. The high dorm would be called small dorm. She would be in Intermediate, and when I went into Intermediate, she was in Senior.
My brothers, I never saw them and they were separated, too. Like there, too, the oldest one was always ahead of the youngest one. So we were always separated. I never had any contact with them. Just across the hallway I would try and spot them or they would try and spot us. But you never knew what was going on with them or what they were doing.
We would never be with our younger siblings because they would be in their own activities. My older sister would be doing her own activities so there was no bonding.
There was no emotional bonding or any kind of relationship that would maintain that bonding. Did you go home during the summer holidays? Were you allowed to go home? We went home at Christmas time and we went home in the summer time. I think we stayed home. We started by the beginning of September and from the end of June we went home.
So we had 2 months break there. And at Christmas time it was something like ten days. In the summer time it was a really good experience when we went home. We would be traveling by water back to our hunting grounds. We would be traveling in another direction to our hunting grounds. Me, before I was raised up in the Residential School environment, I was raised up in the wilderness, in the mountains and I was raised up sometimes with my parents.
It was a different place every time, a different family. I was with my parents sometimes and with my auntie up in the mountains, like Manson Creek, Wolverine, in that area, or in the Residential School.
But the times when I was at home with my parents it was good. It was good because my dad is a really good provider. He provides very well. My mom was a really good mother.
She made sure all our needs were met and that we were clean and that the house was really spic and span. My mom is a product of Residential School, and my dad. But there was never that connection, that bond. We never really had these emotional ties. It seemed just by body language. It was like that with my mom, too. You pick up, in that area, your senses, your observations.
I lived with my aunt up in the mountains. And I loved the wilderness. I really loved the wilderness because I lived in the mountains. I was the only child living on this mountain with my aunt and her partner. It was comfortable because I was by myself. I was kind of like a silent person.
I knew I could do whatever and wander around in the bush without fear. It was after I went to Residential School I started having a lot of fears. I started fearing I had a lot of fears in my spiritual area. In our culture we never had Halloween or the Catholic beliefs, the values that were put upon us. Halloween was When we went to Residential School we were really small and they would dress up as devils or witches and they put a lot of fear into me, all the talk about the devil and heaven and hell.
That put a lot of fear where I feared God and I feared going to hell. It was after those fears that I came to fear a lot of things at home. I came to fear what was going on around me. They made you feel you were not good enough, not acceptable to God, especially when as a child you saw the Nuns strapping the little ones that came in after me, they were being strapped because they were talking in their language, the Carrier language, they were talking their language and they were strapping them because they were telling these kids that this was a devilish babbling.
I think it had a lot to do with that first engagement with the Nuns. I believe in the Creator and that has only happened in the last 5 years.
I really suffered a lot of psychological problems. When did things change for you?
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The following is a selection of Survivor stories drawn from the Our Stories Our Strength video collection. We are grateful to the men and women who have shared their personal and often painful accounts of their experiences of residential school and its legacy.