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If you falter, it means more work for the rest of us asian guys. This post is getting quite the buzz over the whole internet! My mom is a seflhating sell out Chinese women just like the typical Asian women. I am distant to marry White girls. I have a fantasy that is to marry a Nordic girl or American girl with Nordic desenct. But I can not help it. This is why all of a sudden I changed myself. I care about my fashion now, I wear much better clothing to make myself look even better Since I am already a good looking guy.

I try hard to get rid of my accent, and now I speak English almost perfectly with very little accent. I work out at the gym try to get toned musle and look even better.

Not only do they sell out themselves but they also make up Bullsh! Please my fellow Chinese men: I think it will. As China gets rich, it certainally will. So Chinese media will heavly promote Chinese men to date western women and more and more young, tall, good looking, rich Chinese men will be open minded to date western women.

So I think it will change too. BTW, there are already sings of Chiese media promoting such things. You will see it. Chinese men are NOT as weak and scared as western men think. Also, I am one of those tall, goodlooking, young well educated Chinese men who finds western women much more attractive than Chiense girls and at least half of my Chinese male friends think the same way.

I am a forty-one year old American lady, Read: The one time I broke free and chose my own mate, my parents stole my son and paid his father to leave with our son to another country. I have not seen my son for over fifteen years now, and I doubt he even knows who I am. I stopped dating at first because I really needed to get my head and heart together, and, just as importantly, create a new life and sense of worth for myself.

In time I enrolled in college, something my parents would never let me do, and I started my own small business. I was in my mid-thirties before I felt emotionally ready to date again, and the expected initial disasters of being too long out of the dating scene happened, though thankfully, these mostly proved to be funny in hindsight. I thought that because he was an older Chinese man, and a government official too, that I would be a pariah to him, not the other way around.

His response to me took me utterly by surprise… I was honest to him from the beginning, though the details were spread over a few months, and I even went so far as to admit that I was on good terms with only one of my blood relatives, and I told him about my past in more detail than I related here. He is everything I need to feel both secure and independent, a gentle and yet firmly reliable presence in my life and spirit, and we never run out of things to talk about to each other. For over a year now he has never failed to make me laugh, smile, feel optimistic, and he is loving and supportive in everything I do.

He and my good relative get along extremely well, and I am beginning a great relationship with his son from a long-extinct previous marriage.

Yes, he is an extraordinary cook, and he tried to make me use chopsticks so I would eat slower than him, but the cooking is so good, I aced using the chopsticks!

Above all, he is gifted with the ability to be an extraordinary companion. The perfect man for me is located literally on the other side of the planet, and I never would have found him if not for the internet and for the efforts of people who were determined to break down the barriers of ignorance, fear, and the resulting prejudices. I have so many reasons to be grateful… We must wait two more years until he retires before we can officially tie the knot.

If we married right now he would be severely investigated by his government and he would lose his retirement benefits, for which he has worked hard for over 30 years to acquire. I call, and I visit him in China, every chance I can, and it is our hope that he can move here to America with me when he retires. Well, that is my two cents anyways… Smile! I would welcome any constructive comments regarding how to make his American citizenship any easier, and tips on how he can adjust and get a job when he arrives here.

Thank you so much for your patience and regard! Wow, what a story — I am so delighted to hear from you, and to hear that you found a new life, family and home with a wonderful Chinese man. Congratulations, and thank you so much for sharing! Thank you you for being so kind, encouraging, and helpful. Thank you for sharing your story. You are right that Chinese men are like that. In fact I am like that too, even though I am young. I am a western girl in Shanghai and I do like the Chinese men, not too much experince but I am learning as I go along.

Thanks to everyone for sharing your stories. Hopefully I will have my own story to post in the future. We have been married for 4 years and have lived both in Australia and in Thailand. I am moving back to Thailand next month so that my husband can work for their quite successful family business.

I have found that marrying a Chinese man comes with a lot of concerns. I love my husband very much but find that his family have too much influence over our life and marriage. For example, they want us to live in their house, they want to pay for everything, they get involved in issues which are really only our own.

I love them dearly and am very grateful for their help, but by accepting their help I loose my own independance. Can anyone please give me advise on how to manage this situation whilst still remaining respectful of their culture and them? You should definitely tell your husband your concerns.

Let him know what you value, and how you want to live. Over the years, my husband has come to understand and appreciate my independent, feminist side — and he has been able to allow me to be me without wrecking family dynamics.

It helps that he praises me in front of them in ways that they understand i. They have a better impression of me, and are more likely to be understanding of my more independent, feminist side. This builds good will and a relationship. All of this creates more goodwill, and more understanding. Really, though, the best thing to do is…start with your husband. Keeping things in perspective can help diffuse the tension, and hopefully lead to more understanding. That said, I am operating on what kept my twenty-plus years of friendships strong even after the worst of acid tests, including being housemates with a few of the more interesting ones for a long stretch of years apiece.

What works for me is to take a deep breath and do the following reality check… I remember with as much objectivity as I can muster, what my life was like before my Wanju Xiong came into it, and then, I look at my life as it is right now. I literally weigh the good and the bad. The criteria is simple… Is my life just a little bit happier, safer, more stable, and more productive, just a little more often, than it was before I brought him in? When we argue, do I automatically think of ways to leave or worse?

Or, do I automatically think of ways to create a compromise that will work for both of us. Never, never, make your husband chose between you or his family because that will ensure that you lose. Keep being yourself, if husband complains, tell him you are still the lady he married, and kindly ask him who changed the script just because the parents want to crawl into the matrimonial bed? The tough of this is, you must first convince your husband, and then ,only he can convince his family.

Diplomacy, tact, enduring patience, and a very carefully considered bottom line are needed here. I wish you a ton of good luck and good results. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your comments and advice. What you are saying is true, my husband is the love of my life and I would hate for that to change.

At the end of the day, these really are small issues in what can be a wonderful life together. Thank you again, I really appreciate it. I will write again once I have moved to keep you up to date. I was just trying to use google to find a way to meet foreign girls here in China and consequently found this blog.

I thought that this would be the perfect way to meet someone with whom I could have much in common. How painfully right I was. She got a new job and I quit university to follow her. I have had Chinese dude friends who were totally cool and I tried to set them up with random foreign girls but most foreign girls have already made up their minds about love be it not to live in China long enough to care about anybody — or that Chinese guys are just lame.

Both of these suppositions are sucky and self-centered at best however for single girls you do need a thick skin to live here and being an asshole is just a necessary side-effect. Jocelyn, in utter seriousness, if you ever offer classes in tact and finesse I want the first invite.

All that said, I am familiar with the circumstances you speak of… My Wanju Xiong Toy Bear or Teddy Bear- Mandarin Pinyin Chinese is a very handsome fellow with a truly wonderful personality, his son is gorgeous by any racial standards, and I am a head-turner even at my age. Still, no matter which racial company we keep, I am invariably asked why a woman of my caliber would chose a Chinese man, and, my fiance is just as frequently asked how he managed to get and keep me.

I am past taking offense anymore, and after awhile, I began to wonder what caused these comments in the first place. Sometimes the hardest part of choosing to be a product of your own shaping rather than to be a perpetual victim of circumstances is to find the power to consistently walk away from the things that hurt you every time the challenge arises. My gift to him was to prove that I could love him with equally unconditional love.

We are facing so many battles, and we would not have made it this far without that commitment. You have to know why you are worth that kind of investment before you can ask someone else to make that investment in you. Make yourself the person you want and need to be, set realistic, practical, honest, and achievable goals, and then stick to your guns. Wait until the people who can love you in truth, in whole, and as you are, prove that they really do love you for you. It takes twenty-one consistent and dedicated efforts to form a new habit, get started….

A lot of people are just foolish, jelouos, and full of hate some times. So when they see the other way around, they get upset and MAD. Try to break you down, when they all should just let you be. I work and learn at my local university, and on a few occasions at the end of the semester, I goof around with the kids. And right around this time is when the kids gang up on me, carry me out to the collection of life-sized statues at the center of the campus, and deposit me in a ridiculous pose next to the bronzes.

Thereupon I am dryly told that the statues are far wittier than myself, that they give far less boring lectures, and even they will refuse to be held as my captive audience, preferring instead to slowly inch away and summons the pigeons while I drone another lullaby. Guess how this one ends? Well, everyone busts a gut laughing and we walk across the street for pizza and beer. I am sleepless tonight because in a few days, I must do something that breaks my heart.

They say fear and hate are father and son, and my experiences have proven that maxim is true. My dearest friend was very badly abused as a child, and nobody feels more compassion for her than I do.

The lady grew up to raise two children without abusing them, but she never sought professional council for her past. The fear became sorrow, but sorrow immobilizes and she needed motivation.

She found it in anger. Initially, the anger helped to fight against her plight, and for a short time, she was on top again. But anger is an all-consuming sickness, no less deadly and twisted than her cancers were, and the inevitable happened.

In a nutshell, she utterly destroyed her life, ensured she would always be alone, and she finally drove away the family and friends who abide her increasingly criminal acts of venom for over twenty years. She blames us, and she is right.

How do you think this one ends? We had to acknowledge that our unconditional love had actually enabled a very sick woman to make us sick too. No matter how strange, cruel, or wonderful, people will remain true to the habits that fulfill the real needs of their real natures.

If a vampire must bite innocent victims to change them into vampires, then they will do as their nature dictates, regardless of your love, actions, wishes, or words. How can we save someone from the behavior that makes them feel better, even when that behavior is doing them and others so much harm?

I am reminded of a time when my great grandparents made me stand and observe a line of trees that had been used by a fella to create a natural fence. My brothers and I gathered seeds from the few remaining trees and what you see here is our investment. These trees are brothers and sisters; all are the same age, and all have endured the same blessings and hardships.

A man wrapped barbed wire around all of them, but while some trees lived, others died. Can you see the reason why? We can think of the barbed wire as the hate, greed, jealousy, and apathy that slowly saw their ways into our core being. The ones who respond to harm by inflicting harm, even if to only themselves, are consumed within by a force that is even more destructive than the original source of their pain.

They are dead, attractive only to things that consume the dead. The trees that lived show us that choosing to heal is a choice to live too.

These trees chose to be survivors rather than victims, and their continued lives benefit all. To my horror, she began to hack at the scars of the living trees. I tried to stop her, but her husband detained me with a sad smile.

Thanks pigeons, I can do with a much less graphic illustration of it! Thankyou so much Slipknot for reading my blog! Which part did you read? Are you in China too? The reason why I think foreign girls rarely date Chinese guys is because of politics and national policy in China. You know how open and free the west is. However, China is exactly opposite because it is a communist state.

The civilians are pressured by the Chinese government. For example, internet censorship is a major issue in China. The chinese government blocks a lot of websites such as youtube, facebook, twitter, any politically sensitive sites and porn sites. Because of those kind of policy, Chinese people are pretty conservative. Therefore, why would a foriegn girl wanna marry a Chinese guy and live in a country with this kind of policy? This is what I think!

I am a nice ,cute chinese guy …want a western woman , lol …. Tony, what you said is BullSh! The reason why foreign women rarely date Chines emen are: China is still not as wealth as the west yet, but she is getting there. So imagine a low income Chinese man date a high income western woman, you can clearly feel the insecurity complex that Chinese man will face. The western media put Harsh and horrific sterotypes against Chinese men, and since most western women are brain washed by their media, they look down on Chinese men at the first place therefore, will not even consider dating one.

Chinese men are traditional and thinks that marrying a western woman will ruin their culture. Neagative sterotypes against western women also play a huge roll, many Chinese men believe that western women are not as loyal and lack family values as Chinese women.

However, this is changing very fast. Many young and mid-age Chinese men began to realize that Chinese women are getting more and more bitchy, westernlized, and brain washed too. Chinese women begin to sell themslves out and bash Chinese men also make up lies to make Chinese men look bad. As a reslut, many young and mid-aged Chiense men are more open minded to marry non-Chinese women.

And many powerful Chinese men are sick of the status quote they will do what ever it takes to change it!! Long story short, his ex-wife wanted a richer and more challenging man, so she ran off with his American pal. My fiancee misses his pal, but not so much the ex. When we met online, I was past fed up with the fact that I was a bug light for bad boys, and I had a lot of karma to burn off. He is a government official in a supervisory position, and even daydreaming about cavorting with an American nymphet is grounds for an on-the-job malcontent to cause all kinds of mischief for him.

Want to know what makes it work for us? He has more cause than any Anglo man to cherish my unconventional personality and lifestyle, and, I finally found a man who is more dependable, attentive, and appreciative than his Anglo counterparts. At the end of even the worst of days, we unfailingly find a reason to laugh, forgive, and move on.

In essence, we are best friends. You are such a smart and versatile young man, and the only thing that stands in the way of love for you, is.. Focus all that energy into something you can change, your own perspective. When you are sitting at dinner with your lady, what do you want her to talk about? Would you like to hear her talk about what makes you special to her, or, do you want to hear what she thinks about men and society?

That would be a good start for you too! I have asked my wanju xiong, who currently lives in Mainland China, about your statement. Here is what he said…. In a nutshell, when marriage is a form of slavery, being bound even to a nice and faithful man who is a drunk and gambler is a life of abject misery for his wife. Traditionally and historically, who metes any real punishment to a man who mistreats his wife? Conversely, who protects a wife from being punished if her family is unable or unwilling to protect her?

In the bottom line, enabling punishment and stigmata -free divorces may allow more divorces to happen, but men, as well as women, are freed from a life of suffering alongside a dismal mate choice, and BOTH genders are compelled to behave like better human beings when the penalty for being a lousy spouse is that your spouse can leave you and shop elsewhere. Divorce lets two people wreck hell on each other upon departure, but it does end. If they fought so evilly in the divorce, can you imagine what the everyday life in that marriage was like?

Having grown up in an abusive home, I can speak in the same voice as my many counterparts around the world… I am a better person who makes better choices because I am allowed to make those choices on my own behalf… Including walking away forever from a life of misery and choosing to be a product of my own choices rather than being a victim of my circumstances.

Traditions are formulas of generalization, so it actually works for less people, and not for most people. Hardly… I respect tradition far more than most would imagine, but what I respect most is quality of life. No matter what culture or country you are from, or which gender you are, being a friend, companion, confidante, and loyal cheerleader is the foundation of any good marriage. My relationship with my beloved thrives because we abandoned the stereotypes and discovered that underneath his conservative demeanor, he is longing for a chance to embrace a less repressed side to himself, and in him, I find that stability and duty can be the means to being free in truth, because I have a consistent rock to climb onto when the seas of life get rough.

We are a rare pairing because we discovered a genuine friendship along the way. No formula, no tradition, no hedonism, or heroism. At the end of the day, we simply feel good together. Why do I keep going back to talking about my relationship? Glad you asked… What you need to talk about are your relationships as an individual with other individuals. We cannot know all in even one person other than ourselves, so please, offer me the solution that works for you… Personally.

From this collection of individual experiences, we may or may not be able to find a concensus, but we should be able to find the clues that help us start on our own roads to personal truths. My love and I did not pair up for any of the reasons mentioned by anyone here other than me.

I prove and rest my case on this point. I sincerely wish all of you great luck, and even greater love. I really want to change the status quote. I can not changed the status quote alone, and I need help. However, many Asians living in the United States are nothing but Sheeps, Sheeps are get pushed around, and let other people sit on their head and Sh! For so many years, they been kept down yet they dont really realize it.

People are people everywhere. So black and Asian women cannot make valuable contributions? What if a black girl marries a Chinese guy? It focues on a panel of foreign women from all over the world who married men in Taiwan, some have been there for well over a decade.

They talk about several topics such as some listed in the comments, cultural differences, children, marriage customs, romance, companionship, etc. Kind of down to earth in several aspects, and a bit more mature since half of the women there are older. Thanks for putting us back on topic. I will look into these shows as I may be one of the target audience! On that note, when I was in Seattle, WA, I used to wander for weeks at a time in the warrens of Asian shanty towns there, and I learned a lot of things… Unfortunately, my ignorance then did not allow me to separate what I learned or experienced into their respective and proper cultural origins.

There are very few white female and Asian male marriages as well. Should they not have the right to an opinion? Oh, wait, this post is all about the infrequency of these marriages.

Which means that your point goes against the post, and therefore should not be taken into account. Are you contributing anything useful, constructive, or thoughtful to this site by using it to wreak the same kind of behavior on Slipknot that you are accusing him of displaying? As you so adroitly pointed out yourself, this is a site about the rarity of marriages between Asian men and foreign women… Not a site to call technical fouls and perform character assassinations on other contributors.

If you have more useless nastiness to contribute, then please take it to a private exchange, because another reason for this site is to find a common link of understanding and affection with others in a very scarce community. You are obviously a very smart person, so grow some mature wisdom, dial it down, and show us someone we can respect, then others can follow your example. Slipknot… My all-American mom would make yours look like a devoted patron saint.

I figured out that anger is a sickness, and complaining never helped, so I turned the page. Back when my fiancee proposed, my fiancee told Richard that he wanted Richard to visit him in China before I would actually meet the man who proposed to me. Richard and I were so shocked, that we flooded my wanju xiong with a thousand questions, whereupon my darling had a panic attack and almost called off the engagement.

We now understand that this was a cultural thing, but I would really like to get a better and more complete understanding of this custom. Can you explain a bit about that too? Well, back to grading final exams… Zicter and Slipknot, I suggest you two go out and drink a few beers together… And let me have primary filming rights over anything that happens between you two after the first pitcher has been consumed.

You have clearly not read all the comments in this post true, there is over of them. Then I said that when two people find a connection in this crazy world we live in, stereotypes mean nothing quite applicable to your case, actually. Honestly, I believe all the reasons presented in the post and the comments play a role in all cases. The main thing is that each issue plays a stronger or weaker role in each particular case. Now, talking about wisdom, please allow me to give you some advice: Check your facts, stick to what you know.

You DO have the right to think that my comments are absolute bullshit, but you cannot say everybody agrees with you. Because of totally curiosity,western girls completely differ from Chinese grils,blonde hair ,sky color eyes.

But who knows its just your destiny. If you are the one appropriate for white. AS for a little little little very little proportion of white girls and Chinese marriage ,it can be taken into consideration in many aspect ,social statues,wealth,cultural difference,different life style and forth. Obviously,beautiful western girl is really really realy attraction for Chinese boy. But but but Chinese boys who will brave enough to talk with a foreigner girl on the streets. They are afraiding nothing to laugh.

They are thinking about the consequence. The one is succeeful to talk and to be friends,or even further developing. Foreigner girls will think you are insane and neglect you. I WONT try forever. First, a person of any racial origin must open their heart to the possibility of loving, and being loved by, someone not of their own race or culture. Second, bravery and persistence are needed to achieve any goal, especially love, and the power to move beyond obstacles can only come from a strong belief in your mission.

My wanju xiong and I are going through the roughest patch of our relationship so far at this time thanks to his job, but no matter how many troubles we encounter, we know that neither of us can walk away from the other. This is not a torrid forbidden love scene thing, it is two late middle-age folks enduring in quiet and abiding faith.

Here, you should know that there are a number of foreign ladies, myself included, who do not have blonde hair or blue eyes, but, we sure love our Chinese men! True, my own wanju xiong had a pretty Russian love interest who fit that blonde and blue-eyed stereotype, but yours truly, with my brown eyes and black curly hair, won his heart in the end.

I truly agree with your opinion. I dont know about myself. So as to me ,a man never date with a Chinese girl. Really i dont know how to communicate with a foreigner. The esence is that you love or not. I really believe that with the fast growth of Chinese economic,our motherland become richer and richer,Chinese will be weathier than before.

But but but i really need financial support. Actually,most girls like diamond rings,jewelry,millionare,money and rich man. This society is realistic.

As every Chinese knows,it happened after the famous Chinese navigator Zheng he had finished his magnificent seven times global journeys partly. I analyze the difference between Chinese and Columbus on this matter. Western navigator actually represent their country tosail,but the difference is that they want money ,more benefit from other country ,to make business with other nation on esence. Obivously,Western Cultural characteristic have been developed further at that moment after medieval.

That is science and technology. This crucical symbol expanded the distance between Western civilization and Oriental civilization.

But in the meantime,the best benefit of this institution is that the whole country can develop fastest by government administation. Such as military,army, air force ,navy and so on. It can be preceived on our 60th national celebration.

I talked too much probably it has nothing to do with the topic we talked here. BUT i want to reveal why many Chinese think foreigner girls is more beautiful. Because the mainstream culture is still Western Culture. Our Chinese value of beauty had been changed when we was watching hollywood movie,fashionable clothes,hi-tech weapon. Found another article written by a Yangxifu about dating Chinese Men — thanks for pointing this out to me, Jessica!

We are turning the tables now! Thanks so much for your comment, and for sharing this website! I think it was a month or 2 ago now that I had a crush on this Vietnamese boy. Even though this topic seems centered around Chinese men.. He was sweet, and shy, and very courteous to my dad, and I when we went to the resturant.

We even came back a couple of times, because we enjoyed talking with him. Anyways, I had a crush on this Vietnamese boy, and I told my close friend whom happens to be asian also about him. After a week or 2 she realised she had the same math class as him, and wanted to see if he would be interested for me. I blatantly refused, so like the good best friend she is, she found a way to humiliate me by figuring a way to drag me to him even though I was refusing any help whatsoever!

I made a compromise with her: Well being semi-shy as I am.. And so I did. But after that I began to have doubts that any asian man would find me attractive. But it took a lot to get my courage to tell him, and then I got refused.. Maybe I got my hopes too high? But just a couple of weeks ago my best friend who has his math class said she thinks he likes her. If anyone is interested, please take a look.

Thanks for sharing your background, and your blog. In the published world, there really is a dearth of voices from foreign women in China who have become so close to the culture, as you have. My heart goes out to you, and though I cannot be absolutely certain about what really happened to you from the viewpoint of someone on the scene, I feel compelled to point out two things I learned from my own experiences.

First, most of the Somali people I have encountered were quite attractive and charming. If the role were reversed, how would you have felt and behaved?

I am thinking, not the same as your un-friend did. You would be pleasantly surprised at how much the upgrade in friend quality can improve your own self-worth. I can assure you this is not an isolated coincidence or a generational thing.

As your un-friend well knows, most Not all! Asian men are extremely shy about their sexual appeal to ladies of non-Asian races or cultures. I can clearly read a near-future for you happily snuggling in the shoulder of a handsome Asian man… I have to smile in irony as I firmly assert that an old worn-out adage really applies to you in this case… Just be yourself, and you will be loved for being exactly who and what you are….

Specifically, by Asian men. If you cannot build up the courage to tell him first, then you are not at a place emotionally where it is safe to confide in someone else.

Even a well-intentioned friend will be subjective, and may be tempted to meddle if you do not move as fast as she would.

Cut that dead anchor loose, and you will not only move on, you will move upward, where both of you know you belong… A beautiful butterfly must spread her wings… Best of luck and love to you. I completely agree with Phoenix, that this sounds like a case of sabotage from a friend who is not really your friend. As for Asian men not being interested in dark-skinned women…as Phoenix said, there are definitely Asian men out there who would want to date you.

Indeed, just be yourself, as Phoenix said. I will heed your advice, and cut my dead anchor loose. If not it being a block in my road to success, then for it not being a faithful, and honest anchor. Once again thank you both for the words of wisdom, and I wish you the best, as I will certainly try mine to correct this situation.

I was just shooting from the hip. Thank you for your kind words! Lots of love and luck to both of you! Thank you for your article, Jocelyn.

I have been dating my Chinese American boyfriend for two years now, and we plan to be engaged within the year. His family immigrated from China about 30 years ago, so they are very traditional. I do hope to earn the affection of his grand parents some day, but I suppose we all need to start somewhere.

Next semester, I am going to start learning Chinese through a Mandarin course offered in my university. Thanks for your comment, Turtle, and for sharing! I suppose there are several older posts from before I started reading your blog. Your dress is absolutely beautiful and unique. Is it from here or from China? Hope this is not too off-topic for the folks subscribed to the comments on this post…but the dress is from China.

If you, and others, are interested, I may just have to do a little review about this place. I am a white redheaded woman married to a Chinese man 9 years next week! We live outside of Chicago with our three beautiful half chinese daughters. With my very white skin and red hair, I really stood out. Plus, both times we have visited China we took our eldest daughter and that created even more stares.

I joked that if we made people pay for the pictures with us that we could pay for another trip to China. But mostly people smiled or tried to touch our daughter, whom they thought was so pretty with such white skin. Even here in the Chicago Chinatown we are stared at a lot by the resident Chinese. It is nice to meet someone who understands my situation. You sounds like an outstanding couple, and how wonderful to have three lovely daughters. I was once married to a white woman. I agree with most of what you said.

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Not to mention one of my friends just had her heart broken by a straighty that left her to go back to some guy that blacked her eye repeatedly and, almost put my friend in the hospital because she was trying to protect her. I have written on other posts within this site but think what I have to say is better matched under this topic. I have wonderful friends, but they would not understand.

I have only dated men and most of whom were total assholes. Wiping all of their tears, late night calls supporting and listening to both sides, peace-making between them etc.

I understand all too well the meaning, emotions and details underlining how hard it is to express having feelings towards the same sex etc in our judgemental society. And though you would think so- I can not talk with my brother about this. I am sorry I write so much. Take good care everyone. As a femme loving soft butch, I can say with some certainty, that messing around with any married woman is not cool.

I feel your pain and confusion but, you deserve to be happy and loved by that special woman. Heck, it could be me! But, honestly, if you follow your heart and know that what you feel inside is true to you, I believe ur family will understand…eventually. You cannot let past hurts dictate ur future and the potential future you could have with that special someone.

I have a friend at work that just left her husband. I always been straight but something has drawn me very close to her n she acts gay sometimes but how do I know for sure.

Chrissy Thanks for sharing your story. Wow I use to write such personal stuff on here. Time has passed but nothing much has changed.

Actually I found CCL because of an amazing chance encounter with a girl I met in a jazz bar Jaz I had NEVER felt that instant, that intense, that deep of a connection with anyone- guy or girl- that literally instantly in my life. I had only dated men men but wanted SO badly to be with her from literally the second we saw each other. When she hugged me goodbye she was SO happy that she was giggling like a school girl ha. I had NEVER experienced any of that instant connection and definitely not the instantly intense floating on air happiness we both felt.

It was a chance encounter that literally changed my life. I was not meant to be with her, but I was meant to be who I was after I met her- since in reality I had been this person all along.

I believe in a strange way she was one of my soulmates. I think people can have a couple soulmates in a lifetime. And sometimes we are not even meant to be with our soulmates. They can just be experiences or in your case relationships that help bring us closer to the person we are meant to be.

What I am trying to say is that trust me if it took me four months to get over that brief talking encounter with the one that made me realize that my attraction to women over the last 10 years nothing happened- read above etc IS real than maybe you did the same for her. Chrissy I am absolutely positive that she never forgot you-people do not forget connections like that especially after your friendship history together.

Regret is an understandable BUT a horrible feeling to feel so I hope you will find peace in knowing that I am sure she knew exactly how you felt just as you pretty much knew she felt the same way but unfortunately the timing was off.

The world is cruel to those brave enough to come out. That is why I beyond admire anyone strong enough to do so. Who knows maybe one day you guys will reconnect.

Anyhow, I know that was a long time ago but take good care of yourself and good luck to you. I like women, super. I have been fantasizing about this 17 or 16 years old girl. She came from England. I have been in the closet my whole life. Fell in love twice with straight girls, coz im only I am afraid to confess to her that I liked her coz all my life I have been rejected for different reasons but most of all because Im ugly and awkward.

I have intense fear of rejection. I only talk to her on facebook or text but just for a 2 mins. She became my classmate. All of these feelings of mine gives me guilt and fear. I really like her. It is only the first time that I felt I wanted to tell a girl that I like her. In this country nobody cares about the age. The same God made gay people AND straight people.

Be true to yourself always, be true to your faith and to your beliefs always. Do what you feel is right for you and your beliefs. Remember people are not always kind and not always excepting of gays so you might want to really think about saying anything to her- especially since she has a boyfriend and the age difference.

But again it is up to you. No one involved sees this as cheating as her husband is well aware of what is going on and he is not involved in our sex life. I was one of those people who 1 said I would never fall for a straight woman again, and 2 said I would never get involved in a marriage but here I am sleeping with the most amazing woman I have ever been with and her kids who are my age absolutely love me. Her hussy loves me even tho we are not sexually involved and all three of us have sat down and talked about the situation but the fear still hangs over me in the back of my mind.

And you say you want what now? Ok, here it is: Your letting your dick get in the way of common decency and just overall common sense. You know what, maybe she will but, you should not be the catalyst that makes that happen. Man, this is not right! Never get involved with a married woman. She needs to be totally unmarried before you even think to venture in — not cool dude!

Furthermore, I would give it awhile even after a divorce before even considering-a-goin there. Hope something works out for the good of all. Harsh, but it is statistically improbable and you are not about to be the exception. Secondly, you are the same age as her children! Just another reason to NOT expect anything out of this but fun times! It will bring you down when you should be enjoying things. Oh, and as for what you should do: You chose your path.

Take ALL responsibility as you are an adult woman. Again, it comes down to choice and full responsibility. And part two is: Sounds like u r in a big mess. Since u already are involved I also agree w E on her slim chance of someone in a 23 yr marriage actually leaving the guy. Sounds like giant mess. Sounds like they have an open marriage.

Definitely not my thing but to each her own. Rozes are Red- important thought to VERY seriously think about if you do want a real and serious relationship down the line then memories and mediate on this reality- most people meet their. Some bet 31 and I am in a mess.. Her son is know nine, thus I have known him since he was 1 and a half years. She broke up with me just a few days ago…saying that she wants her life to head in a different direction.

Mind you it has not been an open relationship mostly on her part. She now forbids her son to talk to me and I think I am in denial because I believe that she might call one day and everything will be alright.. She sent me a text saying that she loves me and always will. What a shitty place to be??? I have been with the love of my life for five years and while these have been the happiest years of my life they have also contained the biggest tests of my life. We worked together—she was straight and had a kid a boyfriend and a soon to be ex husband.

I was in a very good place-a bad relationship away way way far away-see ya-bye, a new pad and happy to be on the prowl. She and I became work friends. She confided in me her boy troubles and I listened and gave her my honesty-she was a friend after all. Had I known the shift was going from her boyfriend to me, I would have, well…. But, as the wheel of fate turns we are still together, raising her little boy who loves me and whom I adore and love like my own.

But it was a struggle because I was tripping she might be going thru a phase and then of course there was the ex-bf I had to deal with-sending flowers, emails, letters. And it has opened me up more which is more than I bargained for. Either way you slice, you take your chances with straight girls. For me it turned out to be heartbreak. We are still very good friends and cont to hang out lots but that has been really hard on me. We have plans to hang out again over weekend of 4th.

I met her boyfriend and even defended her when her talked disrespectfully to her. Girls, I have a question. Now she is beautiful yummy for both genders. They all were totally innocent and just kidding around. So keep in mine that some women have this intense playfulness with each other. Ummm, I honestly could barely understand what it is you are trying to say, so here is an article on the same topic that will hopefully be of use to you: A Now, progressing if you may.

Now she feels A is testing who bites, and my wife seems to be her main fish to catch, she says my wife is innocent as just naive but still enjoys its.. Thanks in advance, you guys are my single source to understand this. Jack it is complicated not black and white answer. That group of married girl friends I have are very intimate with each other but never cross the sex line. Their connection is very respectful and very natural to everyone involved.

Remember they are all artists and being an artist one tends to be more open naturally but of ourselves NOT to be confused with inappropriate or immoral -they just see life and the human body as art. Communicate w your wife openly. I was friends w a husband and wife and tried to help him find a job and listen to him bitch about their probs and then she accused me of wanting him-LMFAO wanting a man yeah NO thanks!!!! And Jack -last bit of advice- just because someone is a lesbian it does NOT mean that she wants to be with every women around.

This is an annoying assumption that society always falsely makes. Again do not assume. Go directly to those involved and communicate with them directly. I hate to say this, Jack, but you sound a little creepy. Or shall I stick with the precedent you set and refer to you as a boy? Are you hoping to get a threesome? Or did you just enter in here as some kind of voyeur trying to solicit personal stories from lesbians?

I actually correct people in real life when they use it in reference to grown up women. Sometimes my wording is so understanding and supportive when I am also really am thinking there is a major creepy factor in the background that makes me want to gag but I focus on the helping. Typical finger pointing and blaming others for shortcomings.

I believe you have it wrong, and need to look in the mirror to discover why you have trouble meeting the right woman. And I find him fairly creepy as well, going on a lesbian blog to bitch his woes in the tide of straight women. I forgot about that other comment he left.

Yep, totally an asshole. Aside from being misogynistic, he is also antagonistic. I think Frank and Jack should become lovers with each other. They have similar personalities and gay does mean happy right and well they both need some happiness and less up tight righteousness. And for him to express such distaste toward lesbians taking all the woman LMAO on a lesbians blog is not only stupid but is also disrespectful toward Sasha and other lesbians.

Please Frank find a straight persons blog to vent about such things. I do wish good luck to you. Are you having a light bulb moment? Let me help you: The problem is you, my friend.

Unfortunately, creeps take advantage of it. I get that and I could kind of see that happening. Elegy — loved the first link. Thanks for holding the hammer for me. Cyber hug my friend thanks.

Sorry if I offended you with using wrong terms, it was never my intention. Thanks for the -do not assume-, and trust my wife, I do, and we have talked about this is all good, I just wanted a third opinion, no bad intention, god bless you all. Jaz- the only women I remember using the same entitled and rude approach as Frank were women who were being disrespectful towards Sasha, and later Sasha and Remi as a couple.

Would you consider bringing that back? I agree with lezgrl and my experience was similar. I had my first lesbian experience in high school and married a man to keep the family happy even though secretly,I knew I was gay. After my divorce,I started dating women only and my girlfriend and I are now living together and she is amazing and an absolute perfect fit. You are only able to attract the desperate ones who probably have no intentions other than to use you, and that only feeds your disdain.

I hope you get the help you need before someone gets hurt. Reading this was very hard for me, it home in so many ways.

I used to be married to man and was in a relationship with one when I met my now ex girlfriend. I fell in love with her and left my boyfriend for her, I realized all of the feelings I had been supressing were really okay and came out as a lesbian. I found out sometime into our relationship that my gf had only previously dated straight women and most of them were married or in a relationship and cheated on their men with her.

They all eventually left her to stay with their men. I never figured it out and I was the only woman who came out and stayed out after being with her. Frank Listen to Rexie. You need to get help. Being in the legal advocacy professional it reads as a threat to lesbians and anger management issues.

Women are amazing, strong, sexy as hell: I wish you peace Frank and hope you get the help you need. They moved forward to success. Hopefully Frank will get some intense anger managent and self-esteem counseling before his DEEP hatred towards lesbians and overall distaste for women in general before some innocent women gets hurt. Maybe he thinks this is a captive audience for his anti gay temper tantrums who knows. Can I make two points that probably have already been made?

Messing with someone who is in a relationship is tricky business. No matter what the gender combination is. LMAO poor angry bitter Frank. Well im sure he did- since were are ref to Frank. That makes him even grosser and even creeper if that was possible. You are beyond help. Your hatred towards lesbians is beyond grotesque. With all your different names portraying the same hate filled message and speaking in the 3rd person LOL reflects you are not mentally stable. Why subject ourselves to more pollution?

Frank is a typical troll. They start out acting earnest to gain confidence, and then their comments begin degrading until they finally look like that last one posted.

The aim is to ruffle feathers and cause ire. He may try to use a proxy next. At any rate, he is a total spammer who just happens to be latently gay and full of self-loathing.

I normally sympathize with the likes of him, but his inward anger has twisted and now spews out as putrescent word vomit. Like we did not see that one coming. Franks real issue- besides a deep seated hatred of lesbians, women in general- is a complete inability to cope with the person he thinks of himself as, and the asshat he actually is. LOL If he sees his abnormally hate filled personality as a comparison for his perfect woman catch he will NEVER find her unless he goes to a KKK meeting where, like Frank, they share their common ground of hatred towards gays and towards people in general.

No thanks for this great idea necessary. Sasha is by far one of the MOST beautiful woman inside and out. For crying out loud,stop blaming others! Oh,and by the way we are not fat and ugly.

Frank is a heartless idiot. Lesbians are so beautiful to me and to those of us lucky enough to, unlike Frank, to see the true beauty of a woman. Frank is just very angry and very mentally unstable. My claws absolutely came out when he disrespected Sasha and the gay community in general.

NO human is garbage. His words are garbage and they do not deserve a second more of our time. Reading this has really hit home. I have been in love with my straight married boss now for almost 8 months now.

We flirted incessantly when we worked together. I left my job because my feelings were way too intense. I have been gone 3 months and have only seen her once. Getting her to go out with me was next to impossible. I had to suffer a great loss in order for her to want to see me. When we finally saw eachother, it was so obvious that the chemistry was there.

Neither of us spoke of it. She is 18 years older than me, married and has 5 children. Since I feel that I have integrity, I chose not to let her know I am in love with her. I do not want to ruin her marriage. Yet being away from her is killing me. Some times it takes years to heal. Some times it takes years to forget. Some times the missing never goes away. Neither does the regret.

LYMJ- Choose wisely is the best advice. My life would be totally different and absent of an incredible amount of pain. Do not waste your heart on someone who is taken no matter how wonderful she is. Trust me when she was hugging me the night we met saying she could hold me all night it was intense chemisty and I felt the same, however I will never allow our chemistry to go anywhere.

Anyhow I wrote hoping you will learn from my story that you deserve to be with someone who can be with with you fully. Choose wisely, good luck and take care. Hey, anonymous…we know who you are!

It seems like like would side with the someone like that at this point in your pathetic life. Nough said about you! Get a life you dick! If you ever really become a decent person maybe you will meet a good straight woman that actually likes your ass! Hope bleeds eternal, buddy! And omg he was so self pity about no women left because we are all lesbian.

Of course we are!!! Who goes on a lesbian blog and critizes women wanting to be with other women. LOL But on a not funny note Frank put Sasha through stress with his horrible antigay comments he wanted her to post. This is who she is and no idiot will take that sense of fairness away from her. So, I get her. We can handle these idiots on her behalf…we always do anyway! Have been reading these posts and they really hit home. Am a married mom of 2, recently in an affair with a single bi woman my age.

How do we end this gracefully when we still love each other. SAM- Unfortunately nothing ends gracefully. The worse thing you can do is disappear with things left unsaid to each other. Be open, honest and respectful with each other in your communication.

Really think about and discuss what you both want to do in terms of your relationship. Make a choice and stick with it. Move foward in the path you all choose. Hi all, wow what a fun forum and what great and sometimes wacky responses! Anyhow, I knew I loved her so much that if she said lay down and die, I would. The following year, the same thing happened and I fell in love with another girl and now I had 2 ladies and had to manage both at the ripe age of 10! So Jr high came along and the list multiplied.

I had the emotional love coaster with over 30 females. I knew I loved being around them, but being with them would be different. I believe the number grew to be around 50 ladies.

Let me put it this way, my sexuality was always in question by all of my teachers even in elementary school because girls gravitated towards me, as did I.

I know you might be thinking, well maybe because you were some young short hair butch looking girl with no boobs so they mistook you for a guy at that age. Nope, I actually had long shinny brown hair and girly little dimples on my face and a ball of energy to light up a room. So my emotional exchange had now reached past the mark! She dropped her card and I reaching and picking it up to give it to her. She said thanks and that was it. I thought, wow how strange!

No sparks flying, not Hollywoody, if you will. Several months past by and I ran into her again, this time at the book store, and again, waiting in line. I just gave her a hello nod and smile and she did the same.

We were a few people apart, but I could tell she wanted to turn around again. Nothing was said and she went off into the sunset again and I went to go to class.

I was starting to give up and in. Until……yes, it was her again. I kid you not, we were in line again and she was a few people ahead. Her turn came and went and sat down with some guy to talk about it. Is she getting married, was it over? I barely placed the order and wanted to finish fast. I actually finished before her, even though I sat down after her.

I waited for her to leave and out of nowhere, I just walked up and said, HI, are you getting married??! She looked at me with this very odd face and said, no, why?? I said yes, and noticing that she is changing the topic of my original question.

I said something like, well I wish you the best in everything, I mean it. She said thanks you 2 and walked away. I wanted to throw up because I had never felt so sick, happy, sad and empty all at once in my life…. Now I sit here, several years later…wishing I had done more, said more.

After college I pulled back and put all of my energy and focus on my professional life. I will respect your boundaries but if you want me to meet and give you the thumbs up or thumbs down of men you meet, let me know.

It is the fairest and best thing to do. She IS married herself and not available. I agree and I do think that there is some round-a-bout connection. I think society pushes the straight agenda SO much that someone who is gay and not out might feel they constantly need to act straight and interact w guys but having no interest in doing so does not make the best chooses and dates assholes and suffers abuse and hurt.

They get attached, fall in love…but the social anti gay pressure still surrounds. That is my interpretation of the correlation between the 2. I have been married once, never had kids…never wanted to be a parent. I am attracted to masculinity. Who is willing to step up and be a gentleman and sometimes not so much! These are the only two things I am finding important anymore, and I am truly wishing I had fully understood BOTH of these early on in life.

Would it have saved me a lot of trouble? My story begins last October My ex husband of 9 years and I started swinging for about 2 years. I never wanted to or fathomed the idea of being with a woman but once I did I loved it!! After 2 years of doing this our marriage started to fail. Not because of our extra activity but I fell out of love after a somewhat abusive marriage.

After about 2 weeks of watching him text her I told him to stop. I think it was the excitement of her being so young and very attractive. We talked for 1 month and I fell in love with her. We hooked up about 2 months in and by 4 months my husband moved out and began his single life. I moved her in and we have been together for 9 months now. We have a few maturity struggles but I love this girl. I am 33 with 2 kids stable job make good money and she is My kids think we are just best friends but she does live with us.

Sleeps in my bed and we act like a family. I am very discreet with it around family and kids. No one knows fo sure about us but speculates. If I love this girl so much should I justtell everyone or wait this out? And I love it!! I am not gay because of men. I am gay because of women. I love guys — just not romantically. Sounds like Frank is back that was his name, right?

Or was it Fred? Also, I am amused by the irony of this sentence: I swear, that type of perjury seriously makes me want to be a homophobe. And I am not joking either. Though I have chosen, for my own reasons, not to comment often anymore I will comment in defense when such hate is spread because the young lesbians reading CCL do not need to read, hear, be exposed to such volgar and ignorant hate and slang terms. Anonymous I do NOT and never will understand why anyone gives a shit about what someone else is doing in their intimate lives if what they are doing is not hurting anyone.

Yes we lesbians LOVE to be with other women. Yes gay men which includes my own brother love to be with men. If you are homophobic find another blog that is not written by a lesbian- it really is THAT simple. Have to agree with Elegy. Anon is a homophobe, but he is the worst kind of homophobe because I am picking up a vibe of repressed homosexuality in his rants.

Nothing worse than someone who turns their self-loathing outward. He proves himself to be exactly that with no more effort than typing that sentence. He obviously has issues with women, and I would first look to his relationship with his mother. He could be very Norman Bates. Anyway, could this dude actually be a butch playing around? I mean, with a different email address because they sure are pressing issues that bring conflict on this site. Maybe using a different name or email address???

Because it seems so familiar…. Well, I for one am not going to miss those posts! I wanted to chime in with my two bits.

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