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While Lynch may have very specific meanings in mind about certain things he puts into his films, he has also admitted that sometimes images just strike his fancy, and he puts them into his films without trying to assign any meaning to them.

In response to questions of whether or not the Human Project really existed and if they were able to create a cure to the mass infertility after the ending of Children of Men , the staff merely responded that the answer depended wholly on where you lie on the Sliding Scale of Idealism vs. The Coen Brothers refuse to answer any questions regarding Barton Fink , and never talk about the film on their own.

Bringing it up to them, famously, will usually put them in fits of stifled laughter. John Carpenter and Kurt Russell come to the conclusion that some of the issues in The Thing may be either best left unsolved, or are unsolvable and that thinking about some of them too hard may drive a person insane, due to there being no knowable solution , during the commentary for the DVD.

Carpenter once told a fan that she was supposed to use her imagination and decide an ending for herself. The fan griped, "Oh, I hate that. He had always intended that the mysterious stranger in High Plains Drifter was the murdered sheriff's brother, but he liked the fan theories about who or what he was so much that he went on to make Pale Rider and deliberately avoid any clues as to the preacher's true identity.

Basically, the main question is whether the main character's reality keeps changing and he's the only one who remembers the way things used to be , or whether he's simply insane , with the second question being which scenes are "real" and which are hallucinations. Christopher Nolan hasn't had much to say about various interpretations of Inception since its release, but costume designer Jeffrey Kurland and actor Dileep Rao Yusuf have both weighed in on their views of the ending.

Nolan in general doesn't comment too directly to fan theories and canonicity. In fact, he's admitted that he's highly amused that people keep constantly asking him questions about the ending even though he has no intention of answering them. In the ending of Memento , Was Teddy lying?

Christopher Nolan has never said either way, and more confusingly, the DVD commentary for the movie actually has three endings, one that says one version is true, another that says another version is true, and a third that does not say either way. Are the events in the movie all just part of Quaid's Ego Trip, or is it real? The director has stated that both interpretations of the film fit the facts, and refuses to say which is the truth.

In the commentary for Zardoz , John Boorman, who produced, directed and wrote this Mind Screw of a movie, admits he has no clue what's going on or what he was thinking or most likely, ingesting at different points. The characters commented about it all the time; they just disagreed. However, The Muppets strongly implies that the marriage did go through, but they later split up.

The Curse of Michael Myers - the one with all the weird occult stuff - gets even more incomprehensible with its final shot. Loomis disappears back into the sanitarium and our heroes drive off, we hear Loomis' scream and see Michael's mask on the floor next to a syringe.

Cut to a jack-o-lantern with the flame inside blowing out. Interviews with the writer have revealed that it was the last night of reshoots after the original ending had tanked with test audiences , they were making things up as they went, and they ran out of time so they just threw a couple of props on the floor and filmed them hoping the audience would assume it signified something mysterious.

There have been several contradicting opinions by the actors and other people involved in The Day the Earth Stood Still as to a complete translation of Klaatu Barada Nikto , the phrase used to stop Gort's rampage. Klaatu, obviously, is the protagonist of the movie, and one can assume the other two words are something important in his language.

Robert Wise, the film's director, related a story he had with Edmund North, the screenplay writer, saying North told him, "Well, it's just something I kind of cooked up. I thought it sounded good. George Lucas officially knows nothing about any of Yoda's backstory or history, despite having crafted elaborate backstories for basically every other character in the series even ones with less than a minute of screentime through the Expanded Universe. They're officially known as "Yoda's species.

How did Yoda end up as the Grandmaster of the Jedi Order? Why is every known member of his species a Jedi? In order to avoid having to tie the Star Wars universe into the real world, no one connected to the franchise has ever given a definitive answer on the human race's planet of origin.

We know that humans are the most numerous species in the Star Wars galaxy, and it's been established that they aren't indigenous to most of the planets on which they're the primary species, but where they originally came from is anyone's guess. Incidentally, some elements of the original trilogy's world-building most notably Coruscant were inspired by Isaac Asimov's Foundation Trilogy , where the question of humanity's planet of origin is a mystery in-universe and eventually becomes a plot point.

The Wrath of Khan: In his Establishing Character Moment , Khan removes his left hand glove, but leaves his right hand glove on through the rest of the film. Fans have always asked director Nicholas Meyer why, but Meyer's never given a answer, often saying "Why do you think he wears it? In the DVD commentary, director J. Abrams really doesn't have an answer as to whether the policeman who pursues young Kirk was meant to be a robot or not.

It depends on who you ask. James Cameron has always refused to say what the "arcturian poontang" mentioned by the Colonial Marines in Aliens are. Recent tie-in novels have confirmed that they're an alien race. Some of the questions have three or four possible answers and we aren't told which are canonical. Acclaimed author Cormac McCarthy is notorious for this sort of response to his own work, insisting that nothing means anything and that it's all just story for the sake of story.

He can be downright curmudgeonly if pressed on this point once, famously, to Oprah Winfrey , who managed to coax him out of his cave for a rare interview. Because he uses a pseudonym Lemony Snicket , he can pass it off as an excuse not to say anything about his work in public appearances, since Lemony's the one with the answers and he's just an "humble representative.

Forster said, "In the cave it is either a man, or the supernatural, or an illusion. If I say, it becomes whatever the answer a different book. And even if I know! My writing mind is therefore a blur here, i. He also used this when someone asked if a same-sexed daemon meant the person was gay.

He said he'd never thought of that and it was as good an explanation as any. He also said it could mean second sight or something. Robert Jordan, author of the Wheel of Time series, was famous for this before his untimely death. Jordan had a term invented specifically for this use—whenever he was asked a question which he thought might be a spoiler, his response would be "RAFO" Read And Find Out. Most in famous was his long-running treatment of one of the biggest mysteries of the series or, at least, biggest to the fans: Who killed Asmodean at the end of the fifth book?

Every time Robert Jordan was asked, he refused to answer, assuring the readers that they should have figured it out already although this is not clear at all. In the end, the true culprit was only explicitly revealed in the glossary of Towers of Midnight , the thirteenth book. However, the reveal is implied in dialogue in the book itself.

It's probably bad for me. This is also the official stance of everyone involved with the series towards the ending. While certain details, such as history and geography, may be expanded on later an Encyclopedia has been promised , several dangling plot threads and mysteries have been confirmed to be left intentionally ambiguous.

Chief among these are the nature of Nakomi, and what exactly happened with Rand's pipe. Similarly, Team Jordan has confirmed that they will never elaborate on the fates of any surviving character after the final page.

What happens to them, and the world, in the years to follow is up to the reader. When asked whether the Lord Ruler had used hemalurgy on himself, Brandon Sanderson said he was planning to write more about him in the future and handed out a RAFO card.

Brandon has said that at least some of the time when he gives a RAFO answer he intends to leave the question open permanently to give fans something to discuss, since many of his ardent fans really love theorizing about things.

Rowling used to do this a great deal before all the Harry Potter books were released, but most of the questions she didn't answer would have spoiled the later books, so she had to be very careful with what she said about them, and in some cases, she worried about seemingly innocuous questions where even refusing to reveal the answer could spoil the surprise, e.

Fortunately, no one did. She also refused to reveal the identities of the Official Couples for years for fear of fan backlash because Pottershipping is Serious Business. The Shrug has also been applied to the entire chapter "King's Cross", which, according to Jo, could be interpreted as reality or simply "Reality inside Harry's head" — but why on Earth should that mean it was not real? She never did say what that spell was that Dumbledore was trying to cast on Voldemort during their duel that made Voldy's eyes narrow suspiciously.

And now we may very well never find out. She will also never reveal how far Dumbledore and Grindewald's relationship went - were they ever an actual couple? She is waiting for the Development Hell encyclopedia to reveal what exactly Voldemort did to get his rudimentary body before the beginning of Goblet this because it horrified her editor when Jo told her.

In The Scarlet Letter , Hawthorne is usually an omniscient narrator, knowing the deeds, words, and innermost thoughts and feelings of many different characters. But at one point, his omniscience falters, and he says that one woman is rumored to be a witch, without confirming whether she is or isn't. When Carroll was asked why this was the case, he replied, "Why not? To a reader that asked him who or what he really was, J.

Even in a mythical Age there must be some enigmas, as there always are. Tom Bombadil is one intentionally. I would have given both of these folks what they wanted - a summary of Roland's further adventures - if I could have done, but alas, I couldn't To know, I have to write. I once had an outline, but I lost it along the way.

The only person that really knows what a lyric means is the lyric writer. So, there is no answer to this question. It means what you make of it. Gentry explained that her focus was on the family's rather callous reaction to the news of Billie Joe's death, not why he jumped off, so she didn't bother to devise a deep meaning though a film adaptation of the song did provide some answers: Billie Joe and the narrator threw an old doll of hers off the bridge, and he killed himself because he had a sexual encounter with a man and couldn't handle it.

Simon has claimed he has no idea what it was the momma saw, other than it was probably something sexual. The straightest answer to the question "What does "American Pie" mean?

DragonForce tends to take this approach to questions about their songs' meanings. Depending on which member you ask, the answer will lie somewhere between "It's more fun if you interpret them for yourself" and "They don't mean anything".

Presumably either Parson Brown or the Sunday school teacher or both did something What does WASP's name stand for? We are still pondering Ric Ocasek of The Cars once said in an interview about his notoriously cryptic lyrics: And I'll agree with you. I think I'll let you decide. In the lyric book it says "My Upon asking the Pop-groups in question for an explanation of the intended meaning of the used Te-Form Verbs in the songs Te-Form Verbs can take on several meanings based on context , he got several Shrugs of God in a row, usually accompanied by something to the effect of "If you say so, that's probably what it means".

His only answer so far has been that English-speakers should understand what it means. The meaning of the Eagles' "Hotel California" has remained ambiguous even after multiple band interviews on the subject.

At best, the song is usually just said to be about "the 70s. Well I say what any decent poet would say if you dared ask him to analyse his work: The official statement is that Revo doesn't want to force one interpretation on the audience when Wild Mass Guessing is half the fun of being in the fandom. The fandom's stance is that their brainpain amuses him. Despite being the song's writer, Noel Gallagher of Oasis has no idea what "Champagne Supernova" is about. It means something different to every one of them.

Numbers are chosen to identify separate tracks because 'names' tend to bias the listener by pre-defining images, places and feelings. It was a joke. It had to be a number, an ordinary, smallish number, and I chose that one. Binary representations, base thirteen, Tibetan monks are all complete nonsense. I sat at my desk, stared into the garden and thought '42 will do' I typed it out. The answer is deliberately left out, so DMs can provide their own and easily work those events into their own plotline.

A straight answer has never been given, other than a novel hinting that she has ties to the Greek pantheon of gods. The most direct answer simply states that she was inspired by the title character of Algernon Swinburne's poem "Dolores". Incidentally, unlike the Eberron scenario, which it's stated explicitly that it is the DMs call to provide an explanation for the various mysteries, Planescape encouraged DMs to leave such questions regarding the Lady of Pain and various other multiversal engimas deliberately unanswered, to maintain the setting's particular ethos.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off! Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

Free your mind from worries - Most never happen. Live simply and appreciate what you have. The donkey later bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The bite got infected, and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock. Moral of the story: When you do something wrong and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you. On the first day, God created the dog and said "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years".

The dog said "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten? On the second day, God created the monkey and said "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span".

The monkey said "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did"? On the third day, God created the cow and said "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years". The cow said "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years.

How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty"? On the fourth day, God created man and said "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years". But man said "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back. That makes eighty, okay"? So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves.

For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.

And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone. During the past year I have tried to make love to you times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:.

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did. They'll stretch after you wear them a while". Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you". I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh? Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor? You want a warning?

Okay, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket". Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog? You want me to be fair? Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven". We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can". So you know someone who can post your bail". You're right, we don't. Two doctors, one a psychiatrist and the other a proctologist, opened an office in a very small town in South Georgia. They put up a sign reading: Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology".

The town council was not too happy with that sign, so the doctors changed it to: This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids". Almost at their wits' end, the doctors finally came up with a business slogan they thought might be acceptable to the council One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married.

He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with no experience. On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed, they start exploring each other's bodies. Things are going fine until the bride discovers her husband's penis. She slides her hands further down and gasps. Finally, the couple begin to make love. After several minutes, the bride says "Stop honey. Her husband, panting a little, asks "What's the matter honey?

Am I hurting you? At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying "I know the whole truth". The boy decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says "I know the whole truth". Pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work and greets him with "I know the whole truth". Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door.

The boy greets him by saying "I know the whole truth". The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says "Then come give your dad a big hug! A man was watering his lawn one day when he saw two hearses followed by a man, his dog and a single file line of about men. He thought this was very strange so he asked the guy with the dog what was going on. The guy watering his lawn thought for a minute and said "Can I borrow your dog? Come join the masses and feel free to send me stupid emails complaining about clips.

In a somewhat related matter - stupid old cows, page settings restrict content to anyone above 18 only. The only way kids are accessing is via an adults account so surely its their fucking responsibilty? Moister than an oyster. It's the dead of winter here and I'm acutely aware that all you fuckers in the northern hemisphere are basking in summer's full glory.

I'm just going to come out and say it. I don't get it. Obviously I'm missing something because everyone won't stop raving on about it but after four attempts, I'm finally through two episodes and still not grasping what the worlds fascination about people with swords who don't like each other is? Going to try and persevere a while and see what happens although it's going to take much, much more. Anyway let's run through some stuff.

I steer well clear of writing about anything political these days for the simple reason no one cares what other people have to say Plus most people seem to limit their political activity to Facebook comments or below news articles and then subsequently go about their day secure in the knowledge they've convinced anyone lucky enough to read their wisdom.

In reality most of us just switch off because 1 they're wrong; 2 they add nothing of merit; 3 they aren't worth trolling; 4 they would rather be looking at boobies online. So Saturday Australians went to the polls to vote in a federal election. There's a polling place close to home and it always brings a nice atmosphere as people shuffle in from every direction.

We got there early to avoid the queues. What was odd was the distinct lack of volunteers handing out how to vote cards.

There were just two wishful Green's reps holding piles of cards who must've thought it was their lucky day. In previous elections you almost had to push past the bastards to get in. Maybe it was arrogance by the parties who actually had a chance, a deliberate tactic or perhaps an oversight but it made deciphering the ballot papers and working out how to preference who, all the more harder and could explain why, edging towards a week after voting, there is still no result.

Yet another debacle at the hands of our mighty leaders. The rest of the morning was a mad rush to do a bunch of stuff ahead of arriving to pick mates up at " Long story short, there'd been a whole bunch of discussion about a down south trip. My hesitation was based on past experiences and my own impatience. Basically - life is busy and I hate wasting time when there's always something which needs doing. As I was saying Sometimes I wonder what good my foresight [read: We arrived to Busselton early evening, got settled, ate and spent the night getting drunk and watching the election coverage.

Admittedly sounds pretty lame when it's reduced to once sentence but wasn't a bad night. Sunday morning kicked off with breakfast. Then on to grab a coffee elsewhere. That brought us to lunchtime and off to a brewery for a few hours. Then inland to an olive farm. Then back towards the coast and a stop at another brewery.

Then back to Busso for ice cream. Essentially all you can do if there's no kids to amuse is eat and drink. This is not a complaint. Next morning was fucking cold.

Car thermometer reported 2. Managed to find some eggs, waste a couple of hours before packing, checking out and getting on the road. Two-day break done and dusted. This is also not a complaint. Enough with the words. If you bothered to read all of them then fear not - the update definitely gets better from here I promise. She currently rules the bikini world and has managed to completely wipe Kate Upton off the map! There's A Lot To Like.

She Always Gets Me Going. The guy who owned the Odeon Cinema Group has died. His funeral is next Friday at 2.

He goes to the state store to order his car and is informed that it will be delivered in ten years. The man then asks: It's quite some time from now".

He called the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the preacher to the health department. They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department.

The sanitation manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorisation from the mayor. Now the preacher knew the mayor and was not too eager to call him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with, but the preacher called him anyway. The mayor did not disappoint. He immediately began to rant and rave at the pastor and finally said "Why did you call me anyway?

Isn't it your job to bury the dead? He was led to say "Yes, Mayor, it is my job to bury the dead, but I always like to notify the next of kin first. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. T their next appointment the doctor said to Morris "You're really doing great, aren't you?

The doctor said "I didn't say that. I said, You've got a heart murmur, be careful! The Edinburgh Fringe is the world's largest arts festival. It takes place annually and features thousands of performers performing tens of thousands of performances with comedy making up the largest section.

Of course with that many funny people saying stuff you're bound to end up with more than a few noteworthy comments. Here's some of theme from Fringes' gone by Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief" -Mark Watson "I've just finished covering my Ford transit in sequins. I always wanted a camper van". So we stopped playing chess" -Matt Kirshen "I wanted to do a show about feminism. But my husband wouldn't let me" -Ria Lina "My friend told me he was going to a fancy dress party as an Italian island.

That makes it very difficult to enjoy any lap dance" -Bobby Mair "Crime in multi-storey car parks. Wrong on so many different levels" -Tim Vine "I just deleted all the German names off my phone. That's how time works" -Hannibal Buress "Surely every car is a people carrier? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal" -Paul F Taylor "My mum's so pessimistic, that if there was an Olympics for pessimism she wouldn't fancy her chances" -Nish Kumar "What's the difference between a 'hippo' and a 'Zippo'?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter" -Masai Graham "Scotland had oil, but it's running out thanks to all that deep frying" -Scott Capurro "Drive Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards" -Sarah Millican "Jesus fed 5, people with two fish and a loaf of bread. That's not a miracle. That's tapas" -Mark Nelson "This show is about perception and perspective.

But it depends how you look at it" -Felicity Ward "Met a guy the other day who said his job was as a limb stretcher. I said "You're pulling my leg mate" -Andy Bowers "I entered ten puns into a contest hoping they would win, but no pun in ten did". It's not rocket salad! He never dies, just keeps being replaced by white men" -Phil Wang "Red sky at night. Blue sky at night. Day" -Tom Parry "I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. She was wearing gloves massive "-Alun Cochrane "I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop.

Custardy battle " -Simon Munnery "The good thing about lending someone your time machine is that you basically get it back immediately" -Chris Coltrane "Someone asked me recently: I'm not falling for that one again, wife" -Mark Watson "They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I have not revised for Posh and Becks" -Stewart Francis "If you do not know what introspection is you need to take a long, hard look at yourself" -Ian Smith "You know you're working class when your TV is bigger than your book case" -Rob Beckett "Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman. It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but does not" -Gyles Brandreth "I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell" -Gary Delaney "Let me tell you a little about myself.

It's a reflexive pronoun that Means 'me' "-Ally Houston "I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet Luckily I was the one facing the telly" -Tim Vine.

In the Amazon rain forest, three explorers were walking. One was Irish, another English, and the last American. Soon, they came across a tribe, and the leader of the tribe told them that if they wanted to pass through this territory, they had to pass the three caves test.

The explorers agreed and asked what the three cave test was. The leader of the tribe took them to the caves, where he said "Inside the first, there are three bottles of rum, each years old and said to be toxic. You have to drink one each. In the second is a lion with a thorn in his foot.

You must remove the thorn. In the third is a woman who has never been satisfied, and she must be satisfied". The three men were hesitant but could not back out, so the American went into the first cave, drank the bottle, and died soon afterward.

The Englishman was second. He went into the first cave, drank the bottle, then went into the second cave. There was a lot of commotion and roaring.

No one emerged from the cave. Lastly, the Irish man went into the first cave and drank the bottle. He went into the second cave. At first, there was a lot of commotion and then there was a soft purring sound. Then he entered the last cave. Two minutes later, he came out puzzled and asked "Where's the thorn in the woman's foot? Paddy and Mick were walking along a street in London. Paddy looked in one of the shop windows and saw a sign that caught his eye.

Paddy said to his pal "Mick look at the prices! We could buy a whole lot of those and when we get back to Ireland we could make a fortune.

Now when we go in you stay quiet, okay? Let me do all da talking 'cause if they hear our accents, they might think we're thicko's from Ireland and try to screw us. I'll put on me best English accent". You do all da business! They go in and Paddy said in a posh voice "Hello my good man. I'll back up me truck ready to load 'em on, so I will". The owner of the shop said quietly "You're from Ireland, aren't you? Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.

As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts and shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their tourist garb and were sitting on beach chairs enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery. Soon enough, a drop dead gorgeous blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight toward them. They couldn't help but stare. As she passed them she turned, smiled, and said: Nodding and addressing each of them individually.

They were both stunned; how in the world were they recognised as priests? They went back to the store, bought even more outrageous outfits and again they settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine again. After a while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a string bikini this time, came walking toward them again. They were glad they had sunglasses, because their eyes were about to pop out of their heads!

Again, she approached them and greeted them individually: Good morning father" and started to walk away. One of the priests couldn't stand it and said "Just a minute young lady. Yes, we are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did YOU know? A young boy was playing in the backyard when his father saw him stepping on flowers and pulling out plants.

The boy was upset and walked away. A short while later, the father looked through the window and saw the boy hitting butterflies with his tennis racquet in the garden. He went running outside and yelled "Just for that, you naughty boy, you don't get any butter for one month!

Later that day, the boy's mother came home in a really bad mood and as soon as she saw a couple of cockroaches in the kitchen, she started stepping on them. The young lad looked up at his father and whispered "Well, are you going to tell her or should I? A Pakistani walked into a pet shop in London and asked for two bales of hay to feed to his elephant.

The shop assistant said "Sorry sir, we don't serve Pakistanis unless you have proof that you have a pet. You'll have to bring your elephant in". To which the poor man replied "I am wanting to know isn't it.

What is this reason that you do not serve me? The next day the man walks into the pet shop and confronts the shop assistant with his elephant. A few days later, the guy is in again. To buy a sack of peanuts for my monkey, yes, yes". Bring your monkey in because you might want to eat the pet food yourself". Next day, he walks in with this huge grey baboon with a bright red arse and demands "I am wanting a sack of nuts isn't it! The same response "Sorry sir, we don't serve" Next day he's in with his tiger.

This goes on for a while then one day he walks in and he has this little box in his hands. The box has a small hole in the top. Please, a thousand begging pleases. Please put your finger into the hole in this little box". I've no idea what is in there! She sticks her finger into the hole and then removes it. She looks at the brown muck and says A man in a supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce.

The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it. Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager "Some cheap asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce". As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half". Later the manager said to the boy "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier.

We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son? The boy said "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there! There was once a very prim and proper older lady who had a problem with passing gas. Since she came from a generation when people didn't even talk about this kind of problem it took a long time for her to seek help.

Finally, however, she was persuaded to consult her family doctor. After she filled out all the proper forms and had waited about 20 minutes in the waiting room the doctor called her into his office, leaned back in his chair, folded his hands into a steeple and asked her how he could help. Yesterday afternoon I had lunch with the Secretary of State and his wife and had six, um, er, ahhh Then, while sitting in your waiting room I had five silent gas emissions! Doctor, you've got to help me!

What can we do? It's been fun and whilst my work here is done for the day, there's is plenty more for you fuckers to sink your teeth into.

Now with search functionality. Sure, everyone else has had it for years and I held out incorrectly thinking it was just a fad. You can take that to the bank. Until next time be good, stay off the chems and stop hoarding my chocolate. Their Childhood Is Officially Ruined. Filming The New Bourne Movie. Disgusting Display Of Racism.

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